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Disclosed to my best friend

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I am putting this as my first success story. I was honestly more nervous about telling my bestie than my partner! She has been my best friend for years, and though she is an amazing and loving person, I have known her to be a bit judgmental. Therefore I originally decided not to tell her. Luckily I did, I finally disclosed. I said, hey well you know that hypothetical std discussion we had? Well, its my reality, I tested positive for h, type 1...


Not even a grain of judgment. She said she loved me and if there was anything she could do to make any of this better she was there. Today she even had some questions, which I am glad she asked about. She asked if that was the same type that usually caused cold sores and I said yes. She then told me that she used to get cold sores as a kid. She said, you know the more I know about it the more it doesn't seem like a big deal at all.


I also informed her that she could give her girlfriend ghsv1 even though she hasn't had a cold sore outbreak since she was young. I told her about shedding. That information is correct right? I said it was possible, and that it was just something for her to think about.


The world really needs to be informed on THE TRUTH!

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YAY for you! And YAY for spreading knowledge and truth about Herpes!


And yes, she could give it to her GF - half of all the new cases of Genital herpes are HSV1 from oral sex and the majority didn't know they had it....


Just pass these links to her... it's good for her to have the info :


Handouts + disclosure e-book:





Herpes facts video
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Wow that is amazing!

Wish it could have gone the same way when i told one of my friends, (who also gets coldsores, and also passed hsv1 to her bf via oral)

But instead she judged.


I am really happy for you! Isnt it weird how telling our partner something isnt as scary as telling our friends!?

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I am really happy for you! Isnt it weird how telling our partner something isnt as scary as telling our friends!?


Thing is, you usually have a lot more "invested" in a friend than in someone you are getting to know (or may have been with for a short while before diagnosis). It's a different kind of "partnership" ... they are meant to be the one you turn to when things don't work out with the BF, when life throws you curve balls. So "rejection" by a "friend" can be FAR more painful in many ways....


Add to that that many people allow themselves to be surrounded by "friends" who they know that they CAN'T trust ... who they KNOW are judgmental and untrustworthy ... who actually suck the life out of them ... and they know that if they really opened to them, that the person could get ugly and/or go tell everyone. I don't for the life of me understand people with that kind of "Friend", but it happens all the time.


My daughter just ended a "friendship like this ... she and the girl had known each other for years, and when the girl was "sane" she was a good "friend", but she was also very controlling and would whine on FB all the time that noone was answering her texts, that people sucked, blah blah blah... and then would text my daughter that she wanted to commit suicide. So G. would allow her to come over and hang out and even do some pretty destructive things so that she wouldn't be alone and do something "stupid". My daughter finally sent some screen shots to the girls family because I convinced her that she couldn't carry the burden of keeping the girl alive (although I figured she was actually just doing that because she knew G. wouldn't ignore her if she threatened to kill herself. ...but you can't risk that). There is another complication in the mix of all this too, but suffice it to say, not only did the girl not appreciate what she did, she put my daughter's name on FB and is slandering her. Thankfully she has almost no friends there any more and anyone who knows her will know she's just doing what she does .... but my point is, G. WAS a friend to this girl ... but the girl was never a TRUSTWORTHY friend in return. Yes, she babysat for G. and they had fun together, but she was always a ticking time bomb (in many ways) and if G. had had Herpes, this girl would now be using that as ammo against her.


I say time and again, Herpes is your Wingman. If you REALLY don't feel you can totally trust someone 100% with this info, you may want to re-think that relationship .... whether it be friend, family, or lover.... it may be that you are just plain scared of rejection, but if you think and meditate on it enough, you will KNOW by their actions in the past and with others if you can entrust them with this very personal piece of information ;)



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Exactly. She is the one who I can turn to when there isn't anyone else. She is my forever friend. That is why I was so scared to tell her, but also why it was necessary to do so. It just strengthened our friendship(: And I have no fears that she will ever use it as ammo. Its nice to have a best friend, someone where you can always feel secure.


I have slowly been cutting out the negative people. I don't really even need to disclose about H to find out who they are. I've always known really. Just said goodbye to someone yesterday, and you know what? It felt GREAT! I felt no sense of loss, they are the ones who are losing out.

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Good for you @Jennie! Isn't it odd how we allow these toxic people around us?


One article I read recently that sorta fits all this (because I know you guys love this kind of stuff!) ...




Why have any friends around us if they are not a Fuck Yes!!! ????


Mark Mason is a great writer who I discovered through an STD blog he wrote:







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Although I am mad at my best friend for telling other people about me having H. She is always telling me that I have nothing to be embarrassed of because its just cold sores and that is all. So in way I am upset but then relieved that she doesn't think its a big deal. She even drinks off me all the time and eats off me.

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I felt the need to tell my friend because she is there for me in my darkest moments and frankly its easier talking to someone about the yucky genital problems in yummy detail with someone who will sympathize but doesnt ever see it or ya know is sexual with me.


Other than the emotional support I feel no need to disclose to people I don't plan on being intimate with

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Why do you feel the need to disclose to someone with whom you are not going to be intimate with?


Two main reasons: Support and to educate


Many on here have suffered because they feel noone will accept them ... only to find that when they get the nerve to tell their Bestie, their friend *usually* is incredibly supportive and loving and understanding (because they wouldn't be a TRUE Bestie if they reacted any other way!) Sometimes is a parent or sibling as well. Either way, for some, it can be the first step towards their healing and understanding that H is not the big ugly thing that they believed it to be .... also that disclosure will help them to have confidence when they want to disclose to a potential partner ;)


I get that some people are very private about their lives anyway so they may never tell anyone ... but for others, knowing that a few people know and don't treat them any differently will help them to move forward much faster than they would have otherwise ;)


As for education... sometimes people have a friend or sibling that they realize is acting irresponsibly, so disclosing is one way to validate the information they are giving them.


And me? I'm 100% out as part of my mission to educate. And the amazingly interesting thing is that I have not met with any negativity, which IMO shows that the stigma really IS far worse in our heads than it is in reality :)

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I would agree with Dancer, I wanted to share with my closest friends since I knew they would accept me regardless and be there to support me in moments of weakness. If I am going to be that vulnerable with someone I hardly know some day, I figured it would be worth a shot to be vulnerable, first and foremost, with those closest to me. I also wanted to educate them... there was sooooo much that I had learned and wanted to pass on the information so they could benefit too.


To anyone struggling with being vulnerable or exposed, 'Daring Greatly' by Brene Brown is an awesome book to pick up. I am just about halfway through, but it's just a very positive read that can help on various levels, not just in coming to terms with living with herpes. Here's a quote that also answers the above question: ' Yes, shame is tough to talk about. But the conversation isn't nearly as dangerous as what we're creating with our silence! We all experience shame. We're all afraid to talk about it. And, the less we talk about it, the more we have it.'

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