First time herpes outbreak, dont want to hide it...but should I?

[kitty1989]

I started dating my now fiance 7 months ago, he told me he had herpes but I love him so much that doesn't matter to me, he tried to enforce safety with it but I didn't think the odds were to high that I would get infected, that was 4 months ago about 5 days ago I developed a chest cold then I noticed my clitoris hurt like it had been rubbed raw, the next day I went to wipe after peeing and it hurt down right beside my vaginal opening like a small tare so I looked at it with a little mirror and sure enough there was a big white blister, I assume I'm lucky being my first outbreak and I've only got about 7 blisters, but they all popped this morning when I dabbed after peeing and the next time I peed with my open sores...there are no words to describe that pain I also got unlucky in a way, along with my first outbreak I have also gotten throat herpes, the most uncomfortable thing I have ever experienced I prefer labor pain, I guess what I want to know is...my fiance has never ever told anyone besides his brother, but I don't want to have to hide it I know what people will think but honestly it makes me feel worse like its a dirty gross secret to have to hide it, my fiance has a lot of anxiety over things like this...what would you do?

[seeker]

talk to him

[kitty1989]

I did mention to him the way it makes me feel to have to hide it but he still gets upset, he does not want people to know he has it

[willow]

I wouldnt be so sure that ppl would think or know he gave it to her.

 

Maybe talk with him about disclosing to someone u know u can trust, like one of ur fam members. Talk with him. Then talk to one of them. Then maybe all talk together, and maybe he'll realize that the person u decide to tell isnt judgemental about it he might be ok with u telling others in the future.

 

Its a sticky situation. I personally want to tell my bfs buddies but i cant cuz my bf isnt comfortable with them knowing i have it yet.

 

[kitty1989]

I dont think it would be as big a deal if I were to tell someone, yeah I had chlamydia it sucked good thing its curable, but instead its telling mis-informed family and friends, I have herpes for the rest of my life, im sorry if i use your bathroom and that makes you slightly uncomfortable

[kitty1989]

I offered to tell people he does not have it and did not give it to me, but he does not think people would believe me which i guess i agree with if they dont know much about it

[PositivelyBeautiful]

Hi Kitty,

 

I certainly think there has to be compromise here. He doesn't want you to tell and you feel the need to talk to someone about it. Is there a friend that you both trust? Perhaps you can just tell them you have always had it, as suggested. Otherwise, have you considered an unbiased source such as a therapist? You both be able to talk about it without feeling negative emotions, and perhaps that's something he needs to come to accept a bit more in his life. Maybe it will help open up the dialogue about an uncomfortable topic, and put things more at ease for you both. It might also help you guys communicate and compromise through tougher situations down the line. Worst case, you always have this forum to vent! Good luck!!

[WCSDancer2010]

@kitty1989

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

You are in a tough situation. I'm 100% out but I am single and anyone who dates me now will do so knowing that I am out. In your case he is has bought into the stigma and the shame and I think you have to respect that at this point he is not comfortable with people knowing ....

 

However, I believe you need to have an outlet for your thoughts and I get that too. Hows about trying a couple things:

 

See if you can get him on here: we can help him to realize he is FAR from alone, and maybe help to put his mind at ease around the stigma

 

Try to find a local Support Group (I'll put a link below but you should also google it and ask your OBGYN if they know of one) .. at least there you would have someone to talk to about it.

 

See if there is ONE person he would be ok with you to talk to ... a bestie or family member ... start with ONE .... that way he could see that the person won't view him any differently. After awhile he may be ok with you telling someone else. Baby steps friend!

 

I applaud your being ok with it and not buying into the stigma. Unfortunately the stigma has a firm grip on many and it can be very hard to get them to see that the vast majority of the stigma is in their head :(

 

(((HUGS)))