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I Found out a week ago I have herpes

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My name is Brittany. I found this site researching for stories of people living with the herpes virus. This pas Friday I was diagnosed with herpes simplex 2. Being someone who prides herself in staying healthy I'm very distraught with all of this. My on and off again boyfriend for a year (who gave this to me) left me two days ago after confronting him about this virus a week ago. He swears up and down he was tested a year ago before me and has not been with anyone else... As i have not either. I was told by my doctor that this virus can lay dormant in a man for years and in a woman it will show up a week to ten days later. I was also informed that the Herpes Virus may not be included in the normal STD testing. Does anyone know why this is?? If this is one of the most common STDs in The US this makes

no sense to me whatsoever.


I am feeling very alone through all of this and I am now heartbroken that the man I thought would be by my side through anything leaves me at the worst possible time (after giving me this.) I could use some friends through all of this and I would love to hear stories of others who have been through this too.


I am so sad and I feel so gross and dirty. I don't feel I will be desirable ever again. I don't even want to be close to anyone but my ex partner. I am ashamed and devastated. I don't know how to get through this.



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Hi, Brittany.


I'm so sorry to hear you feel you're going through this alone. However, if you read around this forum, you'll realize you are most certainly not alone. But I understand that feeling. I also found out I was H+ last week. It has been a roller coaster of emotions since I read my results, but this place has really helped me refocus on what matters.


I'm new to this, so I really don't know what to say, as I'm looking for hope and support as well. But I can tell you that through this site, I have realized that everything really is going to be okay. In the grand scheme of things, living with this isn't going to be a huge deal. And perhaps, it'll help us in the long run. Though that may seem like a crazy concept, I truly believe it.


Best advice I can give: Keep reading. This site is full of success stories, facts, advice, and people who will truly accept you with arms wide open. We are all in this together. :)


There was some great advice given to me when I reached out a few days ago. I'd encourage you to read over that advice (story below). It really helped me out.


I wish you the best. And we are all here for you if you need us. You're not alone, and you have zero to be ashamed about. Take care, Brittany.


My Story: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4526/just-tested-positive-can-we-jumpstart-the-healing-process

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Thank you both for your support. It means so much to me to have others to speak with about this who are going through similar situations.


@onebadyear I will def keep reading everyone's stories. I'm trying so hard to be strong through this. It's so relieving to hear so many people with positive outlooks. Thank you for sharing your story with me! It's nice to have people to speak to now about any questions or problems I may have through this.


I definitely understand the roller coaster of emotions! Having to be the strong one with my partner for the first 5 days was pretty tough on me. Now that we are separated I've kind of broken down and it's all just now all hitting me.


I think my biggest concern right now is feeling desirable and if I will ever feel ok enough with this to be sexually active again. Or even having to tell a future partner that I have this virus.


I hear from stories I've read of people having one outbreak in 5 years and others say they have had three in five months. I am wondering on how my body will deal with this and if I will have to go through these outbreaks over and over again. I am a high stress person as it is and I've read that stress can bring on outbreaks .... That was a pretty depressing fact to hear since I'm stressed most of the time. :-/


Thank you for all of your kind words and advice!


@inka. Thank you for all of the advice and facts.


If 1 in 4 people have this it sounds like it's rapidly spreading and I wish they would start testing for this now. I wouldn't have this if my ex was tested when he requested his STD test before we got together. Although, we need to be more knowledgable about these sexually transmitted diseases too.


I wish I could say that I can see myself in the future saying to others that this is a growing experience but right now I can't see that. I'm sure in time my outlook on this all will be different. Going through my first outbreak now I am just an emotional mess.


I wish you could hug me right now too! It's nice to hear that from a stranger who is living with the same virus and the compassion you all have for everyone else going through this. Thank you so much for your reply.

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Hello and Welcome!


I was told by my doctor that this virus can lay dormant in a man for years and in a woman it will show up a week to ten days later. I was also informed that the Herpes Virus may not be included in the normal STD testing.


Well, hate to say your Dr is wrong, but it's patently NOT true that it lays dormant in men but not women. I have a female client who had her first Ob after 30 years of marriage.


He is right about the non-testing though. Its thanks to the CDC who states that because of the number of "false positive" tests (which actually could be altered if they had just admitted that anything between 1.1 and 3.5 is not conclusive and get people to retest or do the Western Blot test) it causes too much emotional stress on those people for them to make the testing standard. We are working towards eventually changing this ... but it's one of a long list of issues that we have to address.


Right now you are dealing with two issues - Herpes diagnosis and the break-up ... you have a lot on your plate and you just plain have to allow yourself time to emotionally feel and heal. So be patient with yourself. We will help you through it.


Keep reading on here as much as you can. Read all the success stories that you can. I'll give you some links that I think will help you to get a better reality on living with Herpes.


You will get though this ... I've had H for 35 years ... there are others who are "veterans" on here and we will all tell you that it really doesn't have to affect your life negatively IF you don't buy into the stigma. Yes, you may have OB's and yes, you may be "rejected" by some, but in reality there are so many things that people may "reject" you for ... smoking, kids, weight, sexual preferences, etc ... Herpes is just plain another deal breaker ;)




Handouts + disclosure e-book:







http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )




Herpes facts video



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@Bpage0306 I'm so sorry to hear what happened and about your break-up. Be aware that if you are just experiencing your first outbreak your immune system is fighting hard and learning how to manage this thing. And it will succeed. In the meantime, you will need to take extra good care of yourself. I know I felt tremendous fatigue and listlessness when I contracted this. And when you're sick your mind can go to dark places. Cut yourself some slack for not feeling all positive and embracing of this virus. It's okay to mourn and grieve and allow yourself to recover.


YES the CDC's stance is outrageous. We will work to change that. There will be time for that.


Meanwhile check out this member's story:


"For anyone who doesn't know @NSgreenville 's story... you can click on his name, then "Discussion" and go back to his first posts when he first joined while his world seemed to be crashing all around him."


He was devastated at first like we all are but wow, what a happy ending. There may not be hope now but there WILL be!


P.S. Would you tell a friend who unwittingly caught this infection that she was gross and dirty and had no chance of ever being desirable again? No? Then please don't treat yourself that way. Your body and heart have been traumatized: they need your loving kindness now more than ever!

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