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Herpes Isn't the Only Reason to be Nervous About "Disclosures"

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So true...


I try to tell people that Herpes is one of many things that we are "shamed" into hiding from others.


Mental Illness



Sexual/Relationship Preferences/proclivities (Gay/Bi/Swinger/Polyamorous/Fetishes/Polygamy/etc)

Recovering Addict of any kind

Fertility Issues

Erectile Dysfunction

Past Convictions

Past Behaviors

Family Members You Are Ashamed Of

Past Experiences Such As Rape

ANY Disease That May Affect Your Health


These are just a very few of the things that people are afraid that others may discover about them and then judge them on.


As someone with Herpes you may feel like you are the ONLY PERSON who has some "dark, ugly secret". You are NOT alone friends. We all have something we fear others will learn about us. We all have "closets" that we hide in.


Freedom comes from being able to say:


This is who *I* am. This thing is part of me. It does not define the kind of person I am or whether I am a "good" or bad" person. You have the choice to accept me AND everything that comes with me or not. *I* know who I am and if you choose to not want to be in (any kind) of relationship with me that is ok. I thank you for your honesty in honoring what is right for YOU, and I know that that choice is no reflection on who *I* am


http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible Ash Beckhams Closet Ted Talk




Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk “You are only as Sick as Your Secrets


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herpes is a joke compared to mental illnesses.


You got that right... I spent a year trying to keep my (now ex) husband alive when he was suffering from depression and threatening suicide on a weekly basis. The mentally ill may not PHYSICALLY pass it on but the emotional burden is just as hard to live with in it's own way. It's damage that you may not be able to see or measure, but it DOES adversely affect family members is ways that they may never get over.


Just look at children of alcoholics ... needing years, if not a lifetime, of therapy... it's an epidemic in it's own right.


I just briefly dated a guy who is a recovering alcoholic ... he was so unreliable I can't imagine how his behavior would affect a life partner ... it drove me crazy enough barely knowing him.




But not one of them will be passed from this damaged body of mine to a person I love.


Honey ... your body isn't damaged. You have a nuisance virus that appears in an inconvenient place. "Damaged" is a lost limb, a brain injury, paralysis. ;)


It it appeared on your knee you would probably barely blink - at the worst you would perhaps cover it up when you had an OB ... you wouldn't feel ashamed or dirty. Be careful of the words that you use, because those words become your reality ... aka: Don't believe everything you think... especially when it's (as @Adrial calls it) Stinkin Thinkin!! ;)



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  • 5 months later...




I was thinking about Chickenpox today and how it is also part of the H family. Turns out there is proof of asymptomatic shedding there too. Even with the vaccine. Yet..no one has to disclose that, nor is it commonly viewed as a 'damaged body' or something you can give to a person you love. Here's the article if you're curious. In short, there's not enough research on the topic to get statistics, but it does happen.



So with that being said...what's the difference? Most people are not affected by HSV1 or 2. The difference is our perception.

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  • 10 months later...

Yup... I usually disclose my autoimmune diseases first and yes, I have been rejected over just discussing one of them. Herpes would be next to disclose after some more time and then last but not least, my depression. People who become friends w a depressed person unaware they are and eventually that Friend tells them, makes that new friend or even old ones pull away from them. They think you're going to bring them down or they're going to have to carry your burden.


Time and time again we are told by advice columnists and love experts that men don't want women they think they will have to make happy and carry all the weight on them. So disclosing depression to a man, often sends this preconceived msg, that they're going to have to be responsible for our happiness, which isn't true.


An old boss shared w me that his wife suffers from depression. I asked if he knew she had it when they first started dating and he said no. I asked would he have stayed w her, had he known up font and he said no. He said when she did finally tell him, that his first thought was "she's bat shit crazy". I asked why he stayed then and he said because he had already fallen for her.


About a month ago when I was sort of talking w someone, I asked my gf who has H as well, if she thought I should disclose depression or H first and she said H and wait quite some time till I disclose my depression. I asked her why, did she think that depression had a worse stigma than H and she said yes. Who would have thunk? I appreciated her raw honesty, bit that's the reality of it. People have this assumption depressed people just mope around, can't laugh and are always whoa is me, but if you actually hung out w me, you'd have no idea I was depressed unless I told you. A night on the town I'm all smiles and cracking up and cracking jokes nonstop, but this isn't the image of a depressed person to most.


Some people are worried about catching H and then there's some who don't think H is a big deal, but worry about feeling like thwir partners depression will be thwir burden to carry.... There's a stigma around so many things, not just H.

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