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I am angry

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Hi everyone. This site has helped me so much. Thanks for your feedback encouragement and support. I was recently diagnosed and never thought this would happen to me. I have so much anger towards the person that gave this to me because when it was transmitted I was coerced into sex. Some may even call it rape. I decided to leave him because of this and a few days later i was diagnosed. I felt so alone and hopeless like there must have been a dark omen in my presence thank God I had a supportive good friend who also helped me through this but I felt he was the only one who would truly understand and i should reach out to him in case he didnt know. I reach out to him and he tells me he already knew because he just got tested recently and his results came back equivalot so he felt that meant he was fine. To top it off when mentioning some of my symptoms during the ob he says oh ive experienced all off that before. Part of me wanted to cause him physical harm...part of me wondered if he was lying about not really knowing his status...part of me wanted to beat myself up bc I let someone force themselves on me even when my intuition tried to warn me and part of me keeps in contact because I feel he is the only one who may ever want me though I know this isnt true...I feel like ive been given more of a psychological disease than anything else. Some days im wonder woman and other days im a ball of tears and dont want to get out of bed or leave the house. Its funny im the girl who is super selective barely had any partners and makes men wait until im ready but the one day I let someone take advantage of me and force themselves on me I get this diagnosis. I know life isnt fair but I just cant believe this has happened to me.

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He still wants to be with me and has apologized countless times but I just cant forgive him for not listening when I said no several times. I know we all make mistakes but this one is one I dont think I could ever forget especially after the outcome. I cant ket my friends know im still in contact with him bc im embarrassed about it. And feel pathetic for thinking hes the only one who will want me now. I cant even bring myself to see him...I wish this were all just a dream and I could wake up.

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@ithappebedtome I think everyone here can relate to the way you're feeling.. At least everything you described sounds familiar to me. Be thankful that you have a close friend and this community to share with - I'm the type that can't keep secrets so it feels such a relief to unload sometimes, even make fun of myself to those in the know. As you already know, there's plenty of nice people in the same boat as you, and plenty of nice people who can overlook a relatively mild condition - with recent events, you could appreciate that it's not Ebola! I also had/have doubts about the person who passed it to me, I'm still not sure if I can ever overlook it (10 weeks on btw). My natural logic says it's probably equally as bad to innocently transfer it than to receive it... I might have to think about that one actually. Anyway, as with your username typo we will surely learn to live with it - welcome to the club.

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Thank you @sil88. You're right. It could be much worse. I just have my moments. I guess im just angry bc I feel like my choice was taken away from me. It was taken away when my giver didnt respect my wishes. It was taken away when my givers doctor minimized what he had and it was taken away when he chose not to inform me. I will never do that to someone and will always disclose. Its so selfish not to. As soon as I found out my results I called and told him though we weren't even speaking and his response is yea I found out I had it a few days ago and experienced your symptoms before. Its just crazy. I guess we all think differently. But I am thankful it wasnt a worse diagnosis and symptoms can be treated. We will get through this. Im looking forward to getting past this emotional roller coaster more than anything else.

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Hey there.... I totally empathise with you..


I reach out to him and he tells me he already knew because he just got tested recently and his results came back equivalot so he felt that meant he was fine. To top it off when mentioning some of my symptoms during the ob he says oh ive experienced all off that before.


The guy that passed GHSV2 to me was the same, said he never "really gets it" which I assume means he's asymptomatic and was so nonchalant when I was suffering with merciless OBs saying exactly that "oh I get a bit of that" Total contradictions and lies all the time. I stayed with him thinking that I only deserved him and he played on that completely. This guy is to this day an ignorant selfish **** and continues to casually sleep with women whenever he meets one without any intention to disclose OR protect!


Sadly, it is only recently I have seen him for who he is because I have met someone who is truly respectful and I want in my life and am struggling with disclosure. If you feel there is something to save in this relationship... Ok.. But it is a concern that what screams out to me in your post is not the diagnosis but the abuse of trust and more importantly, the non-consensual act! I will repeat the word because you used it... Rape.

There is nothing in that word that gives me any sense of positivity for this man. You felt it, therefore it was. Perhaps seek some form of help with that before or while you deal with the issue of your diagnosis as hard as that may be. I so want you to stop blaming yourself.. Women take on this sense of culpability when an abuse happens and then further punish themselves when they are left with consequences of an incurable condition or a pregnancy they had no choice in.


Your life WILL go on, it's early and we all struggle no matter how many days/weeks/months/years pass but with each passing day we find the strength we need to revisit our value for ourselves, ESPECIALLY with the help of people we find in places like here. I'm a mother in her forties, back on the dating scene, I have no time anymore to hate the man who passed this virus to me as I will not give him that power and while he continues to act wrecklessly, I can only imagine what goes around comes back around!


Unfortunately, I can't say to you that it is a dream but we all get to experience a waking moment at some point but it takes slow, patient work on ourselves. I'm still doing it. I've been where you are now but I can honestly say that I am in a better place now. Believe in yourSELF!



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@ithappebedtome, this breaks my heart for you. I cant even imagine what you must be going through. I know how hard it is to experience finding out, let alone having someone force themselves on you and leaving you with this "gift". But you are right about it being a psychological disease. Mainly because people don't understand it and that's what people fear the most. Do what you have to to feel better about things. Be mad, be sad, cry, scream, and yell. I did them all and then some. But never give up on yourself. This won't kill you, it can break you down and make you feel worthless but it wont take you down forever. There is nothing but love on here and I hope that the people on here can help you as much as they helped me. If you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to reach out and message me. I have my 2 year anniversary with herpes tomorrow. Good thing I bought ice cream cake.



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@miji69 thanks so much. I really hope things go well with the new person in your life. I pray that if its meant to be and if he will treat you like the great person. You are that things will work out. I go back and forth about whether or not it was rape that night. I said no repeatedly and fought but then eventually I got tired and said okay. But you are right if someone says no even once that should be respected I think im blaming myself because instead of kicking him out or threatening to end things eventually I just said okay. Now I have to face the repercussions but you live and you learn. Im filled with regret, play the scenario in my head over and over again but everyday it does get easier. I think I need to just move on from him bc though in a twisted way I find comfort knowing he is going through what im going through he still doesnt see the big picture and im not sure hes an honest person furthermore whenever I talk to him im reminded of when he too advantage of me. I pray im able to forgive and move on but I will never forget. @nsgreenville thanks so much for your words of encouragement. You all are awesome and have helped me so much.

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@ithappebedtome Oh my gosh I am soooo sorry for what happened to you. I still have a lot of anger toward my giver some days (like a LOT of anger). I cannot imagine how devastated you must feel when you TRIED to stop him, you TRIED to listen to your intuition and he simply wore you down. If I were a lawyer, I'd try to help you throw his sorry ass in jail. I also get how you feel trapped. I continued to see my giver occasionally for over a year, thinking, "Who else can I have sex with?" Finally I decided that if he could knowingly give me herpes (he had an active blister at the time, the mother fucker), then what else could he do to me? Now I'm at greater risk for HIV, is that next?


There is no shame in being HSV+; there IS shame in not disclosing, and what he did to you? That is a CRIME!!

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Hi Im am so sorry this happened to you. I can really relate. When I was first diagnosed I was raising hell and taking names. I wanted to kill the guy I thought was responsible. (not literally) but I wanted to make his life a living hell....I felt I could not go on until I had my revenge.....Then I realized revenge would not change anything.....the person that given it to me already has been sentenced..It happened and there is no way to change it...so now what? If I take out the emotion what is it I needed to do move forward to only a happy life..I felt the same way you did there was a guy I was with for 8 yrs. I stayed with him because he new my situation and I felt safe, Well that didn't last long because I felt he was responsible for my misery...he actually said to me just because Im with you that doesn't mean I would sleep with just any bitch with herpes...You deserve someone wonderful who loves and accepts you exactly how you are. By the way Im 48 and was married for 12 years and in a relationship for 8 so I get it I was always very cautious and selective it just took a few small mistakes and Herpes changed my life forever. Now it has been an amazing new catalyst in my life I am better and happier than I have ever been and its because of me and no one else! Be good to yourself and love yourself you deserve it. I want to share something a friend said that changed my life forever...Now that we have herpes we do not have to sell ourselves to people we do not need a disclaimer and we do not HAVE A CATCH! We are amazing people worthy of love and we happen to have a skin rash. I would love to chat sometime! Let me know how things progress. Peggy

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Hi ithappenedtome, ( I'm gonna use your intended name instead of the one the pesky keyboard left you with :-) )

Thank you for your positivity for me, I really feel it and appreciate it especially in the midst of your struggles. Know that you are a "great person" too. GREAT. We were put here to be more than vessels of a virus. Watching current affairs puts things into perspective... We WILL survive, not be penned into a tiny fetid camp in a poverty and grief stricken village while the rest of the world looks on... Well, it feels like that at first but really. It isn't. We have our lives to look forward to as long as we get up, stand tall and live them. I think the other people who have responded feel equal disdain for how you were treated when H was passed to you and having that to cope with is incomparable to anything I have been through. But know this, you will always have a sounding board at least from me.. So keep posting, feeling and working through things a day at a time.

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Thank you ladies @forgivenessandpeace @peggy @miji69 feel free to message me at anytime @peggy and thanks so much for inviting me to do the same. Your story really shows that it could happen to anyone. Its be a rough month for me but I made it through and each day gets brighter. And yes its not worth it for me to be worth someone like that. Im so glad to have someone to confide in and you guys bc doesnt make me feel like he is only one who can be there for me through this. Thanks again everyone. Im going to try to stay positive as much as I can.

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Hello and Welcome!


I guess im just angry bc I feel like my choice was taken away from me.


That is totally understandable .... honey, you were RAPED ... there is no other way to put it ... so you had TWO choices taken from you.... the choice to have sex, and the choice to risk getting a STD.


Please get some counseling ... because you need to process the rape issue ... you are blaming yourself (VERY typical of rape victims BTW) when the fact of the matter is that NO means NO .... there is no excuse for this man's behavior.


@Adrail has worked with Rape Crisis issues ... he posted this a few weeks ago for another person who was raped and got H ... I hope you will reach out to them and get some help.


Rape Crisis Center locator http://centers.rainn.org/


As for Herpes ... well, it's a nuisance ... and it makes you think before you get into a situation that could get sexual .... and it has a way of helping you to take better care of your body ... and many say they are GRATEFUL because they are much more compassionate and patient with others now .... so there IS a *good* side to all this IF you embrace it :)



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