Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

How to be intimate without passing Herpes to my partner?...how do I do this?

Recommended Posts

I'm newly diagnosed with genital Herpes and am still learning what I can and can't do. There is someone that I started spending time with just before I was diagnosed and we are still going out on dates, although I haven't disclosed yet. Things are going very slowly (thank god), and we've only just had our first kiss. That's one thing Herpes will definitely do for ya - slow things down..


Anyway, if we do become more intimate and/or I do eventually disclose, if things continue to go well, I want to be knowledgeable about this STD I now have. So some basic questions that I keep getting contradictory answers for when I look online (and my doctor seems pretty wishy-washy about):

If he fingers me, can I pass it onto him? Is this something he could get on his fingers and/or spread to other areas of his body?

If I give him a blow job, can I pass it onto him?

And I assume kissing is safe, correct?...

I know a condom is a must, but I've read that some of you decided to go with no condom but medication daily...either way, I know there is still a chance I could pass it onto him. Is either method a lower risk? Or are these options about equal in their risk actor?

I apologize for the bluntness of my questions, but I thought this would be the safest place to ask.


And just an FYI - I'm not sure if I have HSV-1 or HSV-2; I was diagnosed after the doctor looked at my first outbreak and the blood test is still coming back negative. I will test again in Feb. However, I've talked to the person who most likely infected me, and he has HSV-1, but has never had symptoms (which he believed that this was not something to worry about or disclose - lucky me).


Thank you for any help/input you can provide...

Link to comment

Thanks for being blunt! It's a good way to be when you need specific information. ;)


The short answer to all of your questions is there is always a chance of passing herpes, which is about 10% of the time when there's not an active/visible outbreak going on (due to viral shedding). My girlfriend and I had unprotected sex for 3 years with me being on suppressive therapy and she never got it. And I know my body and when I'm probably shedding the virus. Finding out which strain you have (HSV-1 or HSV-2) will help. That will have a lot to do with what area the virus prefers to hang out (HSV-1 orally or genitally, HSV-2 genitally only).


Where did you have your outbreak? If you have outbreaks on your lip and you give him a blowjob, for example, and he has an abrasion or cut on his penis, that's the way oral herpes can become genital herpes. But if you have only genital herpes outbreaks and you give him a blowjob, it can't be passed that way. Only skin-to-skin contact with the area of your skin that normally has the outbreak rubbing up against an area of his skin around his mouth or genitals will pass herpes there. Condoms? Depends on where your outbreak occurs. If your outbreak doesn't get covered by a condom, condoms do little good. But I've heard they cut the risk of spreading herpes by 50%. Suppressive therapy? I've heard it lessens viral shedding by another 50%.


Here are some related blog posts:




Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Link to comment

I have wondered these same questions myself...

especially with fluid contact. Like..if he touches me down there, then touches himself, can it be passed on that way>


also, I have outbreaks on my genital region, but its not just on my inner vagina, I had pimple like sores on the outside, in a section that isn't covered by a condom? can he get it there too?


one more thing...I've had some what of a rash sometimes on my upper thighs and not sure if thats an outbreak..if it is..can it be passed to him just if he rubs my thighs against his?


alot to think about...

Link to comment

Not to be an ass. But from what everyone has told me and from what I've read, the first outbreak is the worst and quite honestly I only got one bump. And go figure its at the base where the condom doesn't cover. -_- that's what I get for going balls deep. All of these are very good questions, as I plan to disclose my awesome (sarcasm) situation. I'm looking for the answers to these questions now. In case she needs more information and has some of these same ones. If anyone has or gets the answers I'd greatly appreciate it if they are posted here. Thank you. I get on here every day to read up on everyone else's situations and results. This place really is great! Thanks Adrial!

Link to comment

So, if the outbreaks are not where the condom covers but not where anyone is ever going (again), what are the chances of transmission? This virus is so frustrating sometimes. I just wish there were absolutes so I could be sure of what I was exposing someone else to and how to deal with it. Not that it's really an issue at the moment. LOL It would be so much easier to find someone else with the same virus. Oh well. All things happen for a reason, right?


Happy Friday all!! Brenda



Link to comment

Is there anything out there about how to gauge when your body could be shedding if you never have outbreaks? My understanding is that the possibility of transmission is significantly lower if you have type 1 and if you don't have outbreaks (could be wrong about that), but for those of us who are asymptomatic, viral shedding one day could be as likely as any other...

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

From everything I've learned, nothing is 100% and everyone's body is different. So, you have to use some caution at all times. Those of you who had one initial outbreak and nothing afterwards are less likely to pass it on to others. You still have to be careful. I have HSV2 and I'm on suppressive therapy, which is working quite well for me. I was having monthly outbreaks and a couple of mine after the initial were pretty bad, if not worse than the first. I'm trying to keep my partner from getting the virus if he hasn't gotten it already. I got it from someone who was asymtomatic, so I know it's possible my boyfriend may already have it and isn't showing any symptoms. It's a tough reality but I think we should all be reminded it isn't the end of the world. You hear it all the time, but I'm so grateful my doctor told me that it's only a skin condition. Our society makes it so much more than it is. I see jabs at people with H it on TV or comedy shows so often but I can't help but wonder why this is so socially acceptable when so many people have it?! We already have more reminders that we have it, we don't need any more negativity! Be careful out there, take care of yourselves first and others around you. Disclose to the ones you need to. The ones who already love and accept you won't change their feelings towards you because of this. And you don't need anyone in your life who would treat you differently!

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...