Disclosure: 0-2 Herpes

[liviipop]

Hello all. I'm new to this site. I'm just looking for some moral support. I was diagnosed back in February of this year and although I was very upset for the first few weeks, I've been dealing with the news fairly well. I'm lucky enough to have someone in my life that has experienced the same thing. However, she is happily married and I am single. So we have completely different lives. The man who gave this wonderful gift to me is not a man at all. He's a boy in the shell of a man. I know I sound bitter but I'm speaking the truth. We dated for some time and in that time he revealed to me that he was divorced with two kids. This didn't bother me. A few months later, he disappears. I get a call from his wife a week later. She reveals to me that he is not divorced, still currently married living with her and their two children in another state. He was living two lives. She also revealed to me he was herpes positive. I never heard from him again and a little while later I had my first outbreak. I've been lucky enough to not have another outbreak but I'm still living with it regardless. I have since attempted dating two different guys. During the disclosure with the first guy, he asked a few question and then decided he was ok with it. A week later, however, decided he was not and that was that. The second guy knew right off the bat he was not ok with it and we ended things right away.

 

Now, I am a health care professional and I know with all the facts and research I have done, being Herpes positive is not the worst thing in the world. And in reality, its just not that big of a deal. But, when I have had two guys in a row reject me for this imperfection that was out of my control, I seem to struggle. The emotions are harder to control and I feel like I'm backsliding. With that said, does anyone have any tips of how to cope with the feeling of rejection after a disclosure fail? Thank you!

[liviipop]

@inka

 

Thank you for your advice! I definitely appreciate any input. However, I am in a pretty good place right now. I took a good amount of time to deal with the emotions of everything. Its been exactly a year now. I didn't start dating until a few months ago. I've since graduated, started my career, and am soon moving to a new place. Like I said before, I've done tons of research and most days it doesn't bother me at all. But when I finally decide to give dating a try, it seems to be going in a bad direction and I just don't want to start slipping into that dark place.

[lasko]

the first guy i told (who all im almost 100% sure gave it to me) FREAKED.

second guy was while we were shitfaced laying next to eachother naked. i burst into tears when he asked if i had something. i said yes herpes. an he laughed an said he had it to.

3rd guy took me a while to tell.. i really really really like him. was kinda hard for me to read how he would react so i put it off. when i finally did tell he was super okay with it.

 

goes to show everyone will react different.

good luck in the future :)

[WCSDancer2010]

@liviipop

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

It's late and I need to get to bed, but I want to give you a few links to read ... I have a POV that Herpes makes a great Wingman ... that if the person does not want to accept you with the virus, perhaps they are not a good match for you anyway ... and much of the time, the fact of the matter is that the guy wasn't into YOU, he wanted to GET INTO you.... ;)

 

Also going to put a few disclosure links for you too .... and I strongly suggest that you read as many of the Success Stories that you can on here ... you may find that the way you disclosed, or the timing (too early, before you knew them well enough to have a good idea of their character and intentions for example) may have contributed to the way your disclosures turned out...

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

 

When to have the H talk Adrial