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Hopefully Successful (but messy) Disclosure

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Sorry this is a long one!


I've only had GHSV1 for about 3 months, and after a very bad first outbreak I thought my life was over.


I reacted much like everyone else on this forum, my psychologist (who I started seeing after multiple breakdowns) explains that my reaction is one of trauma in that my brain hasn't been able to process the information properly and consequently I get easily triggered... which leads to me crying a lot over silly little things, like a friend introducing me to a guy at a bar ect...


A couple of weeks ago I was a bridesmaid in a wedding. My friend who was getting married has a brother who I have had a thing with in the past, so I extremely nervous about the wedding and if he would hit on me and how I would react to that. As i knew we would, we picked up exactly where we had left off and he kissed me... and surprise surprise I reacted badly, crying and just being a general mess (champagne didn't help here!). I had told my friend about my diagnosis trusting her to keep my secret, but she had told her mum. When her mum saw me upset she then told the brother! But somehow he thought i had HIV, not HSV! (I'm beyond angry at the chinese whispers about my private issues but thats another issue!)


But thinking i had HIV he confessed he really liked me, and that he wants to start seeing me again, and that he will always be there for me. I quickly rectified that it wasn't HIV, that it was intact HSV and he honestly doesn't seem to have a problem with it!


I havn't had the chance to get into the nitty gritty of what having HSV means, but i've told him about the chance of transmission and strongly stressed that he SHOULDN'T google it.


I'm hoping to have the bigger chat about it soon. But he has been so incredibly supportive and amazing so far... a guy who until recently i thought was immature and was only after one thing!


In terms of dating we have a lot of other hurdles to get over, and i'm still terrified that he will run and decide that i'm not worth it. But i'm holding out hope that he will continue to be as amazing as he has been. Please everybody keep your fingers crossed for me, and that when I talk about it further with him it doesn't freak him out!


Also hoping this gives people hope, as these kind of stories really help me when I'm having a bad day...

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But thinking i had HIV he confessed he really liked me, and that he wants to start seeing me again, and that he will always be there for me.


Doesn't THAT tell you something? He was still willing to see you with a potentially life threatening condition! HSV is a walk in the park by comparison! This guy not only REALLY likes you, he sounds like a real peach! So BELIEVE him when he says he really likes you and wants to get to know you EVEN with HSV!!!


The one you have is otherwise known as a "cold sore" by most people when it occurs on the mouth. 80% of people carry the HSV1 virus. So your first conversation should be around whether he ever had cold sores as a kid. If so, he already has the antibodies and while he *could* get it down south, the odds are even lower than normal ....


Print out the handouts and ebook for him and give him the link for the youtube Herpes Info talk that Adrial has made available. Show him that the shedding for HSV1 is about half of what it is for HSV2, which means all the risk factors will be about half of what the numbers are for GHSV2 .... so with antivirals his risk is about the same as the risk of you getting pregnant while on BC ... and IMO, if you don't want babies, he should be wearing a condom even if you are on BC anyway ... because the pill DOES fail for some, and if you are not ready for a baby, then the MAN needs to also take responsibility for making sure that you don't get pregnant either. ;) So with all that, his risk will be very, very low :)


Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Herpes facts video



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  • 2 weeks later...

Just an update guys :)


We've just become official and he is my boyfriend :D


He has continued to be amazing about everything, and I've slowly been explaining herpes to him bit by bit cause I didn't want to overwhelm him. Still havnt been able to scare him off :) He also has had coldsores which i was way too excited about haha


We haven't slept together yet, because i've had some issues with outbreaks recently, but he has no issues with waiting until I'm ready and has agreed to get an STD test for me as well.


I'm still in shock, and i have to keep pinching myself


and don't worry, I won't be letting this peach go anywhere anytime soon :D

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