3 months already ... need your thoughts!

[lm44]

Hey all! So, it's been three monts already since my diagnosis, wow times flies! For the most part I hardly think about herpes now, until it comes to being intimate with my boyfriend whom I got back together with officially earlier this month. He's been my rock and amazing with the Herpes diagnosis. However, everytime we are or attempt to be intimate I kind of freak out and have a crying fit because I'm terrified of passing this too him. Yes, I take a daily antiviral and we use protection and I know the risk is only 1% with both but I just can't help but feel that I am putting him at such risk. I know he is making the decision to be with me but I don't know, I still feel dirty and feel guilty trying to be sexual with this diagnosis. Any thoughts? Thank you for listening! <3 L

[Sab123]

I have the same situation a very understanding boyfriend and we have an amazing relationship and intimate life but it took some time for me as well it's been a year since my diagnoisis and he has not had one symptom I still don't knoe if he passed it on to me or if it was my first relationship (I've only had two partbers) but he has never. Showed signs and he loves me no matter what and still has the same sex drive he had before this so it's really just something you have to work out in your own mind cUz if a man didn't wanna risk it they wouldn't br with you. And statistics show it's very hard for a women to pass it to a man. I am not on antivirals unless I get paranoid and wanna stop something before it happens and he still thank god has never has symptoms him being with you he knows there's a chance and he still chooses to stay he loves you and as long as you cautious u both will be fine when ever I feel uncomfortable or irritated I use some tea tree oil and avoid sex for a day or too and then nothing happens and we're back to our norm. Good luck

[PositivelyBeautiful]

I haven't been involved with anyone yet since my diagnosis but often wonder how/if it will affect me psychologically when it comes to getting down to business, when I do find someone worthy. Chances are many people have been there or are struggling through the same. It's normal and will probably just take some time before you get back into the swing of things. Go slow, start with foreplay and go further as you feel comfortable. Don't put too much pressure or expectations on yourself, and instead consider it a process, one step at a time. He loves you, that's obvious, so focus on that instead of the sex. Make it about love, not sex and go at a pace you feel comfortable with. Surely over time, your mind will ease up and the scary part of it all will be an after thought. Hope this helps a bit, and enjoy the love!!

[WCSDancer2010]

I know the risk is only 1% with both but I just can't help but feel that I am putting him at such risk.

 

Look at that number.... ONE percent ... and you call is "such risk". Do you understand that every time he gets in a car his risk of dying in a car accident is HIGHER than his risk of getting H from you? So are you going to stop letting him drive ... or at least, you won't drive him anywhere just in case you get in an accident and he gets killed? You see the logic there? You don't tell him what he should or shouldn't do regarding driving I am sure ... so let HIM make up his mind about what risks he's willing to take.

 

I have had two 3-year relationships ... one taking antivirals, one not. Didn't use condoms in either... neither got H. One was hyper-scared at first but he soon settled down and it became a very good sexual relationship where H wasn't an issue for either of us.

 

Perhaps you should get some counseling to help you to focus on learning to let go of your worries ... @Adrial is a great coach ... you may want to talk to him ;)

 

(((HUGS)))