Sex with friend doesn't remember the talk

[Natty]

During a night out, a good male friend of mine and I were heavy flirting. I have HSV2 so I didn't bring him to my room and ended the night early. He showed up at my door and came in and began putting the moves on me. I stopped him and told him I needed to talk to him if we were going to have sex. I told him I have herpes, and he asked a couple questions about my history which I answered. He them told me he didn't care about herpes and that he really like me and wanted to be with me. We ended up having sex several times that night. He was very interested in seeing me again after. I then heard from a mutual friend that he didn't remember any conversations he had with that person, and got worried he didn't remember ours. After talking with him, I found out he doesn't remember us talking at all. I retold him, but it has put a lot of pressure on our friendship. I feel so guilty and ashamed, but I told him before it got to even kissing. I guess I just need some validation

[whitedaisies]

U did everything right. I am validating you BUT you know this.

 

I don't get it, how does he not remember was e drunk?

[willow]

Its not like u took advantage of him.

u talked and he asked questions.

maybe hes just saying he doesnt remember.

 

I am validating you too.

[WCSDancer2010]

Actually @Inka my daughter can go from ok to blackout in the blink of an eye (thankfully she survived that phase of her life intact :( )

 

Either way, @Natty :

 

You did everything right. You sent him home. He came back. He pressured you and you told him what he needed to know. He may have been blackout drunk but YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT (and I've seen my daughter like that... so I can see you not knowing).

 

My *only* point would be that in the future, you just refuse any sex with anyone who is pressuring you into it until you not only have the talk, but that it's done at a time that the sexual tension is not in the room ... or at least, you KNOW they are in a state of mind to make a responsible adult decision ;)

 

Now, my next concern, I wonder if he does this a lot and therefor I'm more worried for YOUR health.... I strongly suggest that YOU get tested at 3 months for everything ... because anyone who is that determined to have sex while that drunk likely has done it before... :(

 

Either way... you should not be ashamed. You did everything that you needed to do. If he's freaked out, well, maybe he will be a bit more careful with his drinking in the future :(

 

((HUGS)))

[Natty]

Yes. I had no idea he was that drunk though or I wouldn't have had sex with him. We have since talked quite a bit. He hasn't had any other sexual activities since his last check up, and he is going to see and make sure he is ok. I feel based on how long I have known him and our friendship level that he is jawing sincere.

Thank you all so much for helping me through this. And I of course wanted to have sex, so it's not like it wasn't wanted. In the future all talks need to happen before that tension is there for sure! Thank goodness out friendship isn't ruined. And thank you all again for your wonderful support!

[WCSDancer2010]

Glad you guys managed to talk and sort it out.... I would still re-check in 3-4 months ... just in case because guys can't be tested for HPV and they may or may not test them for Chlamydia. AND if he was exposed to something within the 3 month window before his last test, it might not have shown up. Better safe than sorry ....

 

(((HUGS)))