Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

diagnosed 2 days ago, first disclosure and am utterly devasted

Recommended Posts

So, I dont exactly know how I got it, im usually very careful, but two weeks ago with a friend we got blind drunk and I think I may have had unprotected sex, as around 4 days later I had a rash on my penis, I left it a few days hoping it would clear up, it didnt so went to the doc. I should point out im in peru, currently on a career break. We prescribes meds and get bloods done for the big 4 stis, hiv hep b, syphilis and chlamyidia, 3 days later collect the results all are negative. I had convinced myself it was syphilis, my outbreak wasnt as painful as described, and also had flu symptoms. I had read syph can be cured with peneclin, not this life long thing herpes is.


I havent had any tests to confirm herpes, but with the prescribed meds its calmed down alot. Iv finished a course of 200mg of 5 days, and still using the cream. That drunken night I will regret for my entire life, and I dont remember 3 hours of it.


I was coping ok, treating it as something you just have to control, until I did my first disclosure last night. I had been seeing a local girl for a few weeks, and she was away for a 2 weeks when I had my stupid drunk night. I am so ashamed of this. I explained I had found this and went to the doctor and he visual diagnosed it as herpes. She asked if it has harmful, I explained what I knew, then she got angry asking why I didnt tell her sooner, I was hardly going to do this in a text or over the phone, and wanted to wait until I knew more.


I can cope with the outbreak, it seems my first wasnt as bad as some people describe, its this disclosure which has turned me into a sobbing wreck, im hungry but I dont want to eat, I think about how stupid I have been, in nearly every thought. Ive cried 3 times today. If a girl that knew me pretty well, and was really into me responded as she did, which I totally understand, as If it were the other way round id be lieing if I said id walk away, id be too scared to risk my health. Probably because I knew little about herpes, but even when I know a little more im still not sure I would take the risk.


I cant imagine anyone wanting to be with me once I disclose in the future. The thought has brought me to tears already, nearly in the supermarket today. Im currently in bed with little energy for anything, other than self loathing, which I know is a bad thing, but I just cant shake it off.


one positive is all of this was in spanish, so I guess I can take sone happiness my spanish has improved.


specific questions id like help with...

is the first outbreak always the worse?

do people take tablets and meds nearly all the time or usually around an outbreak.

please share some disclosure stories


one other thing, using abbreviations likeOB can be confusing for someone coming on here forthe first time, took me a while to figure out it was outbreak. Hope you dont mind observation, this is a reallygreat resource, I can see people are very supportive.


thank you

Link to comment

Hi, there! Welcome to the forums! I'm newly diagnosed as well (yesterday), so I'm not sure how well I can help you out but I'd like to try! I figure it may be helpful for you to have someone who was recently diagnosed offer some insight in addition to those who have known for years and years.


Generally, the first outbreak is the worst. There are exceptions to every rule. My mom is also positive (diagnosed 2012, likely had it since ~2004). Her first outbreak was pretty bad. Since then, she has only had one other (mild) outbreak.


That's a personal decision. There's not really a need to take meds all the time (suppressive therapy) unless 1) you have severe recurring outbreaks or 2) you have a negative partner. Personally, my boyfriend's status will make the decision as to whether or not I choose suppressive therapy. If he doesn't have it, I certainly will start suppressive therapy. If he does have it, then I will take it as needed unless I have frequent outbreaks. I work 3 jobs on top of being a full-time university student, so I can't really afford to be miserable with an outbreak :P


So far I've disclosed to my boyfriend, mother, and close cousin. My boyfriend knew it was a possibility be we (me, him, and the doctor) didn't think I had it. He was really wonderful. He's been nothing but supportive and catering to my every whim. I have bad hip/nerve pain with my outbreak, so walking is painful. He tries to encourage me to do things on my own because he can't be fetching things for me 24/7, but he understands I may not feel like walking to the kitchen to get something. He's not scared about having H. He hasn't had any symptoms, so he may not have it. He says he won't leave if he's negative (which I think is easier said than done). As for my mom, she's obviously very supportive because she has it as well. She's given me some insight as to what to expect, how to manage, etc. My cousin doesn't think any less of me. She loves me just the same. I shared some stats and facts with her and told her that she doesn't need to worry about sharing bath towels or anything like that with me. She said that I really opened her eyes to how painful it can be. Everyone suspects your genitals to hurt, but she had no idea that severe nerve pain was possible. I think that nerve pain is one of the more uncommon symptoms; though, I haven't done much research into it.


Anyway, I hope I helped! If you have any questions, concerns, comments, feel free to reply or send me a private message!

Link to comment

Hi @sw85!


Welcome and first of all you will be ok.


As said above people choose about if they want to take meds daily or just around and OB to kick it quickly. If you do end up experiencing frequent OB's you may want to take daily medication to begin with but again that's up to you.


I take Lysine daily to help keep OB's down or if I feel and itch I might up it for a few days or when I have an OB. You could also look up the foods that can provoke it especially when your body is just getting used to it. I generally stay away from coffee and chocolate is very limited but everyone is different so Lysine might not help and foods might not be an issue.


Although it has calmed down with the meds do still get tested properly to find out for sure and what type.


Also keeping healthy overall can help keep OB's down, eat well, exercise and keeping stress down. Stress can be a big feeder.


Have a look at the frequently asked questions and also the successful disclosures posts there is a lot on here to read that might help you right now.


Lurk all you want everyone here is really supportive and I'm sure there will many more responses to come.

Link to comment

Oh gosh @sw85 you've just been diagnosed and you're already trying to make disclosures and such, that's just waaayyyyy too much to ask of any human being. First you need to take care of YOURSELF. Treat yourself as if you have mono (save family of viruses in fact) and give your immune system a chance to mount its defense. Plus, chances are you're still contagious so please just chill and take some time for yourself right now.


Disclosure is the huge thing all of us struggle with once we have the infection under control and want to go on with our lives, and our sex lives in particular! For now your priority is your health. If you're newly infected a blood test will not show up as positive just yet. Hang in there!

Link to comment



Hello and Welcome!


First - as someone who has dealt with this for 35 years, I can tell you your life is FAR from over. Yes, you are suffering the consequences of some poor decisions (getting blind drunk) and you are dealing with a double blow, but IN TIME you will heal. You are only a few days into this. You will need to be patient with yourself and the grief process.


I'm guessing that the girl you were seeing is more hurt that you had the drunken hook-up than the Herpes issue ... you see, SHE got a double blow when you told her that you not only messed up that night, but that you also got an STD in the process. So it's not surprising that she has pulled away. That's a lot to take in.


I cant imagine anyone wanting to be with me once I disclose in the future.


Well, I can categorically tell you that this is not true. We have over 100 success (disclosure) stories on here... at least half of them have been in the past year.... and those are just the people who actually post. So I strongly suggest that you read all of the Success Stories that you can. I'm going to give you the links to s few of my favorites, but check out that category when you start to go down the "Noone will want me" path.





http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville


yes - the 1st OB is *usually* the worst... but Herpes doesn't play by any hard and fast rules. Things like your current immune system health, stress, triggers, etc can trigger an OB of varying intensity.


And it's your choice about the meds. The general consensus is that if your OB's are too painful/frequent and nothing else helps, it is worthwhile to take them (even for a short while) to help your system to settle down. I myself only use them when I have an OB now but if I end up in a relationship with a H- partner I likely will take them to protect him, at least until we are a very solid partnership and we have a conversation about it.


And sorry about the shorthand (like OB's) but I for one type so much on here that I have had to shorten some of the more frequent words that we use here ;)




Check out my blog as well as all the great blogs here on the site too... there's a ton of great information on here ;)






Link to comment

Hi guys, ivoryrain, thanks for the message, sounds like you have a great partner, hope I can find someone as sympathetic in the future.


as if my day couldnt get anyworse my dad messaged me to say my nanna passed away a few hours ago, an hour later im skyping with the famiky balling my eyes out, as im already pretty emotional. Possibly one of the worst days of my life. My peruvian girlfriend has been supportive but has finished things with me, I dont blame her, but im now realising how much I liked her... what a mess.


so yes last few days have been a bit much, but I was so anxcious about telling her I had to disclose it was eating me up inside. Thanks for the advice guys, it seems under control, I have a few maybe 5 red spots on my dick, should I still apply the cream or leave it and see how my body reacts? Likely another outbreak as im pretty stressed at the moment, bit of a viscous circle really.


ill read some more things on this site, day at a time I guess.


can you imagine not having a resource such as the internet and trying to get your head around a diagnosis such as this?


also I think they do a blood test here in peru so its not going to show up. The test needs to be from a swob of a blister right? Ill be in new zealand in december maybe ill get checked out there for second opinion and better medical services.

Link to comment

Hi dancer, thanks for post. Yes I understand shes upset, I messed up big time. We spoke yesterday and it was pretty upsetting, she said some pretty heavy stuff, that I probably needed to hear.


my tablets of aciclovir have finished, 25 tabs, 5 day course. Should I still use the cream. Whats the difference, what does the cream do? What do the tablets do?


Thanks for info on new zealand. Much appreciated.


Had a better day today, had a much needed distraction with friends. Thanks to everyone that had posted.

Link to comment

The cream is the same as the meds (It's called Zovirax I think?) so if the OB has cleared, you can stop using it.


Good of you to allow her to express her anger ... it will be important to her healing to feel that she has been heard. As for you, well, as they say: The truth will set you free, but first it may well piss you off" ;)



Link to comment

So the majority of the blksters have gone, but a day ago I started to put cream on as it looked like new blisters. Just bought some new tablets going to start to take another 5 day course to see if it gets rid of them completely.


so quite a big update, my peruvian girl got her blood results back today, and shes positive type 2, and doctors say since around two months, before we got together... so


this surprised me as from my brief research and peoples help on here, hsv cant be tested until after 4 months? What do you think?


weve only spoke by txt and a phone call, were meeting tomorrow face to face. She says shes only had relations with me, but what we know so far says otherwise, im not judging as it doesnt sound like she has symptoms, but has recently started having pain in her back, any ladies had simular problems?


Im slightly releaved as im thinking now she unknowingly gave it to me, rather than a drunken hook up I previously thought. I have no memory of that night, just that 4 days , after I find a rash. I realise that possibly a drunken hook up may have happened, but part of me is more relaxed as I had a lurking fear about hiv, and id need to get that retested in 6 months.


Guess well never know, the true story, as is the most cases, and it doesnt change anything, I would like to know which strain I have sooner rather than later, and the clinic she went to seems to be able to tell the type and how long youve had it. What do you guys think.


ill help her as much as I can with the info I know, who gave it to who, isnt going to change anything.


I have read conflicting info for ladies, can someone help...


Uk charity website for herpes says if a woman has hsv before concieving she can give birth naturally, as the body will develop antibodies of the mother.

however other websites mainly american say that its very advisable for a c section.


I wont discuss this with her initially as it might be too much, and maybe peru have a different idea any way.


thanks for the support guys

Link to comment

Well, that's an interesting twist, eh?


Certainly if her blood test is H+ at this point one or both of you has had it awhile... though the standard here is 4 months for a positive result. Does she know the name of the test she took and the number that they used to give the positive result. The most common one here is the Elissa test ... there *can* be false positives between a result of 1.1 and 3.5 ... over 3.5 is considered to be a "definite" positive. It's possible they did the Immunoblot there in which case I am not sure if it can give a "definite" positive at 2 months or not. I wonder if they meant she's had it "at least" 2 months in which case maybe she's carried it for quite awhile unknowingly.


Now, personally, I would guess you actually DID get H from your hook-up...given the timing it seems that it's just too perfectly times. I certainly would get tested in 4-6 months for everything... sooner if you have any concerns for any symptoms. If you get blood tested for H now, you may get an idea if you got it recently or not.


Yes, she can have a baby naturally. I was bullied/scared into a c section for my first by a Dr in England (where I was living at the time) and later found out I didn't have to have it (boy was I PISSED!)... managed to have my second naturally (also after being told that this was not possible because of the scarring... I've since learned to research ANYTHING that a Dr tells me is "impossible". ) And that was before using Valtrex in the last month of pregnancy was regular protocol. American doctor seem to like any excuse to "interfere" with childbirth IMO, so I'd be careful which sources you are reading... And as you said, in Peru, they may approach it differently, but if she wants a natural birth, tell her to fight for it and find a doctor who will do it.... I had to pitch a fit to get my doctor changed for my second child.



Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Yes, but from your great info on testing it didnt seem to add up. She got tested again and it came back negative. So think your right about the source of this life altering thing.


im going to look elsewhere in a second, but has anyone got any tips on processing this, because its eating me up. Im still traveling around south america, and I should be experience these cool things, which I am, but I dont think iv had an hour where I havent thought about h, and how iv drunkenly done this to myself. I feel like im living a nightmare, I have a few blissful moments after I wake up and I think its a dream, but then memories of getting diagnosed kick in and the cycle starts again.


I was having a few red spots and wasnt sure if it was a new outbreak or not, but now im pretty sure iv had a few minor outbreaks, no doubt this cycle of stess is bringing it on.


Thanks for advice for womens birth. I need to read up on how men with h can make babies, as to me there a big risk of giving h to the mother during conception, and iv read that is bad for the baby as the babies antibodies wont have developed, as the mothers wont have, plus of course ive given it to the mother, which sucks. I realise that this is not on the cards at the moment but this is all part of the crazy cycle thats going on in my head.


thanks for any words of wisdom people can provide.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...