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Just a bit of hope for those in need

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Been talking to this guy for a few days not yet met, may meet as friends to begin with not sure.


This is his reaction to me telling him via text about H


"no that doesnt put me off at all if we were together we would deal with it together not a major. Sorry you have had to go through that. Sending u a hug. As said doesnt put me off & yeah would deal with it together if we ended up seeing each other xox"


Stil doesn't mean itll be anything or that there won't be a deal breaker for me but shows once again there are those that are ok with H.


:) take care all xx

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Well I met the guy and we talked quite easily for an hour - I don't find it hard to make conversation and engage so this for me is not a new thing.


Then we walk to his car because he has something to give me, he has a bunch of flowers in his car. Right there if a friend was telling me this story I would have gone awwww, this wasn't quite what happened in reality. Personally I have not had much affection given to me and find it hard to give in return, he is an old fashioned romantic but I didn't know how to react so it was pretty awkward.


I drove away thinking every girl wants flowers what is wrong with you, are you so cold and heartless or just independent that that's really not what you want.


this is leaving me with a lot of self reflection, he feels he has been able to open up to me and talk to me so openly and has not had a connection with some one like this before... I don't know if this is because of H but I am generally pretty open and approachable so I'm not yet convinced it's a connection for me.


I have told him that an hour isn't enough time for me to make a decision on a relationship and I would like to get to know him a bit more as a friend but cannot promise anything more, also that I cannot put him at risk unless I am 100% into it - think this is what it comes down to for me.


Guess there's also the realisation that just because a guy is ok with H and treats you how you deserve to be treated, doesn't mean that's enough ( hope no one thinks I'm horrible for saying that as I know everyone is at different stages regardless of H).


I know I deserve to be treated nice and given affection, just not sure why I don't seem to want it.


Sorry about the sort of off topic on this post, think I just needed to put it in words to reflect on.



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Can I ask what H you have? I ask because I would think HSV-1 would be more accepting than HSV-2. I recently have been meeting a new woman that I absolutely adore. We have gone out a couple of times, but I have yet to talk to her. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 Herpetic Whitlow (culture positive) in my left middle finger. My initial infection was severe in the finger. I never had any genital symptoms. I am now >30days out from initial exposure and finger is healed and still no genital symptoms. My Dr. has stated that I more than likely infection specific to the finger.


I have heard people comment to not even worry about disclosing the herpetic whitlow to yes I should. I had planned on disclosing regardless. You texted the guy about?


This is all new for me and the timing of meeting this wonderful woman and my diagnosis could not of been worse:-(


Sorry if I thread jacked.

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Hey @Snyperx,


I have HSV2


Yeah I was texting him and told him, this was after we had talked for a bit though and I'd decided that he seemed respectful enough to have the convo with.


I don't know much about herpes whitlow, but I imagine it is what it is and should still be disclosed.


Try not to overthink the disclosing part because this can be more stressful than actually doing it. Decide if you are ready to talk to her about it and you could even have some information printed out with you, try to give as much information without it being scary.


Be honest and genuine and she will see that even if it is a deal breaker for her, if it is don't take it personally because it isn't, just the same as you may have things that put you off from a potential partner.


If it is some one you are seeing I would try to do it face to face if you can, then she can see you and you can see her reaction for what it is.


Check out the successful disclosures section - there are lots of good examples there.



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Thank you I value this post for several reasons.

I am 3 months in to my journey with H and I have fears about no one wanting to deal with it. But more importantly I fear settling. I am afraid of feeling limmited to the first person who can cope with me having this. But the strength and independace you show inspires me for later. Just because I have herpes (a deal breaker) doesn't mean I can't have deal breakers. Thank you sincerely.


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Just because I have herpes (a deal breaker) doesn't mean I can't have deal breakers.


Brilliantly put! And very true!


Actually, @Snyperx I just had a thought ... if you are concerned about passing H2 by fingering a partner, there are things called "Finger Cots" ... they honestly look just like tiny condoms ... I use them in my Massage practice when I do a technique for people with jaw issues because I have to be able to manipulate the Masseter muscle and other cheek/jaw muscles inside the mouth. You can see them here: http://tinyurl.com/latex-finger-cots (sorry didn't find a non-latex on though) ... you could wear one one the finger that you have the whitlow on and not worry about whether you are shedding there (I think that the shedding would be very very low ... but if your partner was concerned, this might be an option for you).



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