I just need a little encouragement

[DJay]

Hey guys. It has been a little time since I posted last. I got diagnosed in January and I have pretty much kept myself busy (started new job, started another Masters degree program)!to keep my mind off of this reality. I have pretty much stayed clear of male interaction as well. I am just learning to accept what is. However there is one thing that is truly bothering me. One of my Facebook friends posted a question in his status asking would people date someone that has disclosed they had herpes. Some of the things people were posting in response to this question was ignorant and out of order. Someone even went so far to say that everyone with herpes got it because they were irresponsible. Do you think we will ever overcome this ignorant stigma?

[seeker]

I think the most important thing to ask is, will YOU overcome this stigma?

 

ive pretty much given up on people not being dumbasses in general. its the way our culture is headed. the news, the music, the movies, the sports. its all about image not substance, nor reality.

 

it may sound pessimistic but if you don't expect much form people, they rarely disappoint.

[WCSDancer2010]

Well put @Inka

 

So in a totally different perspective... I came out totally last November ... including to the 1000+ friends I have on FB (I am a dancer and I have a lot of "friends" from the conventions I go to). NOT ONE was nasty or ugly about it. Now, I have one friend who has a few friends who sometimes come out with insensitive crap (she posts some pretty interesting stuff) but when I put them in their place (because I personally don't give a shit about "upsetting" people who are just plain ignorant) she backs me right up :)

 

My coming out was here:

 

)

 

and I continue to update my story here as it unfolds :)

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1754/i039m-out-of-the-herpes-closet

 

I think that one of the reasons that I had no real backlash is that I refuse to allow people into my life that are ugly and ignorant ... so if I "lost" a few FB friends after that, I obviously didn't miss them ;)

 

So did you PM your friend to ask why they are asking the question?

 

One way you can approach it (and help educate others without "coming out" is to state that you "heard" that most people don't know that they are not tested for H with STD tests... AND that 80% of people have Oral herpes and most don't know it so if you like oral sex, you have likely dated and had some sort of sex with people who *unknowingly* have Herpes. And end it with ... "Are you certain that YOU know your status?"

 

That may get some of those people to actually go get tested ... and THAT will be one step towards reducing the stigma ..

 

IMO the ONLY way to completely get rid of the stigma is to start having HONEST conversations about these things. We are soooo influenced by our Puritanical forefathers that *anything* to do with sex is twisted and misunderstood...... and the only way out is to have ADULT conversations about it all ;)