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Wrongly Accused

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I found out on October 15th of this year that I have hsv-1 & 2 and when I contacted my then ex to ask if he knew he had it, he denied it. Two days later, he sent me a long text telling me not to contact him again because in his words, "I knowingly gave him herpes." Not true. I said "I just found out today"-which was the 15th. Basically, I got my health records in the mail recently. It says I had nothing in February of this year. I met and had relations with him in April. That's when my records show I got this thing. So, being that in the text, he told me not to contact him or he will "turn me in," should I go on with my life knowing that someone THINKS I gave them herpes when I did not? I just can't see myself contacting him again, though.

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Unfortunately you cannot change his mind - so no point in making yourself crazy trying. Just send him the facts and maybe a link to get information about it. Don't accuse him, he may have given it to you and may not have known. So, he's getting a whammy too. Not that I agree with his response. Who knows what is going through his mind. It sucks, I know. I found out just over a week ago. I was dating a guy for a month. I started to have what I thought was a UTI, but after a few days of the meds for that not helping, I went back in and had a visual confirmation of herpes. Then the following week the blood results confirmed it, and that I've had it for a while. I told my boyfriend when I first found out - and I told him when I got the blood test results. At first he was supportive and said we would get through it together. But then he changed his tone and he's been "thinking" ever since. People handle situations differently for different reasons. So, I know what it feels like to find out you have this and then also find out you probably gave it to someone else without knowing. He may be dealing with that - or, he could just be a jerk! hhahahaha point is, you won't know for sure so no point wasting time on it.


P.S. Now if I could only take my own advice ... hahaha

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It is likely a knee jerk response. You're the easiest person for him to blame at this point. I'm not saying his reaction is okay, but I'm sure it's a typical one. He's likely in shock if he has never had any symptoms. Try to ignore it the best you can because you can't change his mind for him.

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Hello and Welcome!


Sadly your ex is having what you might call a "gut-jerk" reaction. He's got scared by the fact that he likely has Herpes and rather that getting the facts first and then figuring out the truth of where he got it, (or as close as one can get with H ... it often it difficult to figure out where you got it from yourself), he lashed out at you.


One question ... do you KNOW that you were tested for Herpes in February? Because odds are you were not ... most STD panels do not include Herpes unless you specifically ask for it (and I suggest that people always get a hard copy of ANY testing results you ever have so you know for sure what you were tested for and the result because different Dr's have different protocols and you can't assume they will do all the ones needed for your condition :( ). Either way, whether you know you had a H- result or assumed you did (and ere not tested) he couldn't prove intent unless you have a H+ result in your past. The fact that you *tried* to be tested is enough to show you are trying to be responsible. So he wouldn't have a leg to stand on if he tries to come back at you.


And how were you tested? Swab or blood test? If it was a blood test, do you know what the results were?


It sucks to be blamed for something you didn't do... but fear is a primal instinct and it causes people to say and do things that are nasty and ugly... especially in people who have not learned to stop and get informed first and consider all options. So hate to say it but he sounds like you dodged a bullet there as far as being in a relationship with him and Herpes just showed you that :(


I would leave him alone. IF he comes back at you, I would send him the links to Adrials handouts and e-book and video (below) and tell him that before you will talk to him AT ALL he needs to get PROPERLY informed about the FACTS. Don't get in a pissing match with someone who won't get educated first ... you will just get frustrated and stressed and Herpes just LOVES stress :/






Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Herpes facts video


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@FLNewH I'm sorry about that but you know you r not alone and maybe he's not the one for you. @WCSDancer2010, I have never been tested because I've never had symptoms but if I did, the drs. did it without asking. For me, the symptoms are a dead giveaway. I had a blood test and its both hsv-1 and 2, oral and genital.

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