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this has to stop. I'd like to move forward! And a reachout request.


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Hi everyone,

 

It has been three months since the beginning of my walk with H. I have come a long way and I am feeling more positive. I am comfortable with who I am and surprisingly I'm not feeling very afraid of future disclosures. What I need to get over at this point, is the fear of my own body. How can I expect someone else not to be afraid of it if I still am? For the past three months I have been particularly careful about hygiene. Probably too careful. Switching out towels, refraining from touching my lower area and vigorously washing my hands. The thing is I haven't really touched myself for the last three months down there. Too scared to shave, wear tampons or anything that involves touch (bummer). I obviously keep the area clean but have been terrified to touch any skin there. Rubber gloves have been my friends lol. I've read horror stories about whitlow and spreading outbreaks and that's what wigs me out. Essentially I am afraid of my own body and because I've only had one outbreak I'm not sure what future ones will be like for me. So I'm scared I'll touch myself and perhaps not realize I have an outbreak and spread the virus to my hands. How did you all get used to this? Any tips or suggestions? I do want to move forward from this.

 

Also on a separate note. I wasn't sure if I should post this on that h buddies feed or not. I didn't see many recent posts. But Id really like to have a few H friends to talk to for support and of course to give it where I can. Male or female from any walk of life will be helpful. I'm 23 and a lady if it matters. But I tend to generate lots of questions and don't want to constantly bug everyone on the forum. I guess it would just be nice to go through my current situation with some reassurance. I feel like the only person in the world with this at times and it would be nice to know that I'm not! My email is [email protected]

 

Have a lovely day friends

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I'm a 38 year old female in Florida, USA and have only been diagnosed a couple weeks ago. I'm still struggling with a lot - the diagnosis, the knowing that I will never really know when or who I got this from, and the fact that I've probably lost my boyfriend over this. So, I don't know how much help I can really be, however, I would love a buddy. I found out that I have both HSV1 and HSV2 (i mean, why not be the TOTAL life of the party, right? hahaha *sigh*) So now I too have a bunch of questions that I didn't have before. I'm just so exhausted emotionally right now that I haven't gone back out to re-research anything. Plus it's kind of overwhelming.

 

You can always message me on here - I am on this site a lot lately.

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Reachout2014... You sound just like me. I only got confirmed today but since I've noticed something was up I've been so paranoid. Hand washing, laundry washing, not wanting to touch a thing. It's been all I can do to not throw my bedding in the wash every day. I feel like I'm just rolling around in virus

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I know how you's feel..I live with my babies!! I find it useful to speak with others in the same boat and realise their lives are going ok so why can't yours...I also find the statistics and the rising new joiners abit reassuring....if your in a crowded place your surrounded by heaps of others with H...I wouldn't worry to much about whitlow once you've had your first OB, once your infected in one place it's very unlikely you will spread it elsewhere as your immune system has dealt with it already...during the first outbreak perhaps, but still unlikely...I am 24yr old female

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Well first of all, just be patient with the process. You are only 3 months in ... you are still a "H baby" as it were ... learning how to navigate the world in a new way. You will live about 4000 weeks .. so 12 weeks is nothing. It is sensible to be careful in the first few months, but remember that 80% of people don't know they have H, and obviously continue to have normal behaviors (including touching themselves, towels, etc) and don't pass it around to others or their own body.

 

I personally enjoy taking care of business on a pretty regular basis given that I'm single and I never ever worried about it (ignorance was bliss when I got it!). So perhaps be careful another month or two ... maybe wear a glove if you are THAT worried that you need to do that, but don't be that scared of yourself friend! You have a long and beautiful sexual life ahead of you!

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You all don't know how hard it is for me to not make some joke and offer a hand of assistance don't you????

 

@reachout. it does get better, I know. I still do some things that are most likely unneeded but they are basically coping mechanisms ( like cleaning the toilet seat with peroxide a lot, nothing wrong with a clean toilet seat now is there?). and never a tushy OB to boot.

 

this is how I see it, I was 103.5 for 3 days and delirious when I had my first OB. I had 4 itchy bumps on my buddies down there that I didn't know what they were ( doc thought they were bacterial) I then fevered a week later, 102.5 for 3 days. near as I can tell I don't have herpes anywhere outside my boxer area, hell almost tighty whitey area. and im not even sure a couple of bumps aren't molluscum ( diff doc said they were).

 

If it were that easily spread it would be all over me by now.

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Thank you everyone,

 

It really is nice to hear from you all and to be cheered on through this mess! I've really been having a tough time with this and am trying to change my tude. But at times this gets absolutely exhausting and heavy. And believe me I want help through it all, its just hard to know where to get that comfort. Is it forums, doctors, psychologists, friends (not working none of them relate)? I just feel like I need a game plan. Yikes! I'm just feeling a little broken/damaged. I'll keep trying and keep my chin up as best as I can and try to get comfortable with my skin again maybe in another few months. Just suffering from a lot of emotional stess generated by fear of the virus. Thanks @seeker for the laugh. Your posts always give me a giggle and cheer me up . :) and dancer thanks for your constant care. It eases me a little to know that I'm not alone. Though you all seem like distant, far away obscure h+ people. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the state of Pennsylvania dealing with this.

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Post as much as you want with all the questions you want or you can private message me. I am not working currently and have lots of time to be a personal herpes advisor. Lol. Maybe I should put that on my resume. Lol

 

I am a woman, older than you but that doesn't count.

 

God I think I have an age issue more than a herpes issue...but that's another forum....

 

Listen no need to feel bad about posting a million questions, we have all been there, done that and some still going thru it. I still have my very bad days where I can barely ask for support...but some days I am full of life and it's the same for you and some other people on here. Ask away...no question too small, or too silly. We are all here for u

 

Hugs and love

 

Xo

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