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Getting a handle on my emotions

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This morning I found out I have HSV2. My first reaction was what the heck.....why me?? I am soooooo ANGRY with myself before anything. Although I know it is not my fault, apart of me feels like it is. I am trying very hard to stay positive and not blame myself for this happening. I am hurt by my partner (at the time) because you did not care enough about yourself or me to make sure you were tested for herpes. You never gave me a choice, you took away my right to choose whether or not this is what I wanted. I know things will get better with time and this does not define who I am. It's just something that I have. I am thankful for my BESTFRIEND who has showed me nothing but support and love through this entire day. The weird thing is we both have HSV2, so it's not so hard to talk about.

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So, I've known that I've had this for about two weeks. And my initial reaction was 'what the hell' as well. I placed blame, thought I was disgusting and thought I would never want to have sex again.


As far as being hurt because your partner did not care enough to get a test - if most people are like me, it is assumed that herpes is part of the panel of a standard STD test that is given. I only found out last week that it is not. Had you been tested yourself before this happened? If not, you may have had it and not known (80% do). I don't know you or your partner so I cannot really comment too much on the caring piece. But I can say, that if your partner is like me, the other assumption is that, if you have herpes, you should know you have it. How wrong I was. I never knew it could snuggle up and be dormant in my body with NO SIGNS, For Years.


There is no point to make blame. Blame is toxic. The only time blame should be placed is IF the person who gave it to you KNEW he had it and STILL had sex with you without disclosing. I get the anger, believe me. I am pissed I have to deal with this forever. I am pissed this has ruined my relationship (although, if this ruined it, I'm sure something else would have as well).


Move past the anger. Move past the blame. As you research and learn about the disease itself, you will feel better. This site is a very good support group that truly does not place blame or judgment. The best I can advise is to focus on YOU. The best thing you can do for yourself, for this disease, is to make sure you are healthy. And Healthy is as much for the mind and emotions as it is for the physical.


Good luck to you

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Hello and welcome!


@FLNewH is correct .... most people assume the herpes is included in the standard STD panel. And unfortunately our practitioners generally don't tell us that it is not included. So the vast majority of people in this country believe that they have been tested when they go for an STD panel and are completely in the dark that they have not been tested.


So it is possible that the person that gave it to you did not know that they had not been tested. and to be honest she's also correct about placing blame. No use blaming yourself, or the other person at this point. It won't get you anywhere. The only way to know for sure that your partner is completely STD free is to abstain from sex for 3 months, and then go with them to someplace like a doctor or a clinic and get tested together. And I would guess that the vast majority of people, even those here, wouldn't consider doing that in the past. And perhaps not even at this point. Most people want to just take the other person's word IF they even bother to ask about their status.


Just curious if you ask the other person about their status, including whether they were tested for herpes, before you had sex with them? I would say the majority of people on here, its a 50/50 "blame" as it were as most did not have a conversation before they had sex about STDs. And if they did they took the person's word for it and did not actually see a hard copy of the results so that they could see that herpes was not included, probably because they didn't know themselves that it is not normally included. It's just a sad fact due to the protocols that doctors use in this country around STD testing :(

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