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I was diagnosed about 8 months ago with genital hsv1. I woke up one morning and noticed what looked like a cold sore on my boyfriend, and then 2 days later there I was in planned parenthood bawling my eyes out over the diagnosis. I told him I had tested positive for the virus but honestly didn't tell him where it was since I knew I had gotten it from him. I was embarrassed and essentially couldn't bring myself to say it without hating myself. Now I feel like i'm about to get my second outbreak, i've had symptoms all week and started an outbreak amount of acyclovir to try to stop it but I feel like I have to bring this up to him, as we have plans all weekend starting tomorrow. I'm terrified to tell him where it is, and now I'm worried about the chance that I didn't get it from him, and that what I thought was a cold sore on him wasn't actually one. How do I tell him now? I was hoping I would be one of those people who get it once and never again but that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm absolutely terrified to bring this up to him and I'm scared he's going to leave me.....

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Maybe ask if he has cold sores before? If he says yes mention you think during oral he has given you one below, and assure him it highly unlikely he will get it genitally from you, since he already has the hsv1 virus (if he has in fact had cold sores) ...how old are you's?

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I'm 23. I've already asked him before, he said he wasn't sure. He said he would get tested, but he got a blood test for stds and didn't ask for hsv. I know they don't usually test for it so he essentially wasted a blood test already and I hate to ask him again. I hate that I have this so young I feel like my life is ruined. Dramatic I know but I feel so depressed.

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I was hoping I would be one of those people who get it once and never again but that doesn't seem to be the case.


Well, going to give you a cold, hard fact. You don't get Herpes once and never get it again. Once you have it, you have it, AND the majority of people who get it from someone that was diagnosed get it because the H+ person believed that because they had not had an OB in "ages" (or they only get 1 or 2 a year, or whatever) that they didn't have to tell a partner ... which makes it awkward when the partner really wants the cookie and they are trying to find excuses for why they can't for days or weeks at a time and then they give in before the virus is totally under control.


That said, HSV1 genital sheds a LOT less ONCE your body has learned to fight it....


I hate that I have this so young I feel like my life is ruined.


Honey, I got it at 17 from my first sexual experience. I can tell you that *if* your life is "ruined" it will only be because you are allowing FEAR to run your life. YOU are buying into the stigma. Herpes doesn't ruin your life ... it's your attitude and beliefs around it that will. Promise. You are talking to a 35 yr veteran here who has seen people with every stage of blame, shame, anger, depression, and self loathing AND seen many transform to people who are empowered, self loving, 10x more empathetic than they were before, and quite frankly often THANKFUL that they got the wake-up call from Herpes about what is important in life. I know that may not make sense to you now, but stick with us. ;)


As for the BF, I already replied elsewhere about how you might approach this with him. I need to get to bed and I have a few more discussions to get to, but if you need more support to tell him, I'll try to get on earlier tomorrow to help you through it, ok?



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