Help me, love me.

trina722 · November 6, 2014

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with genital herpes when I was 18 years old. I have had it for over a year now and have had many many many partners since then, none of which i disclosed my secret to. I know this is wrong and its not something i am proud of. I have never been in a relationship and am so ready to be settle down and be in something meaningful. I know the only way to do that is to come clean to the guy that I am currently seeing (surprisingly we haven't had sex yet) but being terrified doesn't even come near what i'm feeling. I will eventually need advice on how to come about this conversation(to tell a virgin male that i'm disgusting),but right now I am looking for someone to tell me how I can love and respect myself again. I know that my sleeping around in the past is because i have no respect for myself and would never expect anyone to respect me if they knew the truth, so i kept it simple and didn't say anything and caught no feelings so i felt no obligation to say anything. again, i know this is wrong.

I feel like i am rambling but i am just so angry at myself and at my situation. I hate this, and i hate myself for putting myself in this predicament. I just don't know what my next step is.

WCSDancer2010 · November 6, 2014

@trina722

Hello and Welcome!

This forum is a JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE (reminder for all who partake in the discussion please!). However, we do dispense Tough Love ... so don't take it personally, ok? ;)

So I see you have 2 issues to deal with.

1) Restoring your integrity.

The best way to regain your own self respect is to talk to all the guys you had sex with and tell them that they should get tested. This won't "absolve" you of what you did, but it will at least give them the chance to make sure of their status.... and if you can find a way to educate them in the process about how most people are not tested and how it is spread, then that may save them a lot of grief (even if they are H- now) in the future.

2) If you love this guy, you will disclose to him. We have great materials here (I'll post them below) that you can show him, and he can always come on here to get more education. Keep him off Google Images because the worlds WORST photos will show up first there .... AND, you will have to accept his decision about whether he continues the relationship or not. I'll post some disclosure blogs and conversations below too.

One thing friend ... you are not "disgusting". You got a hitch-hiking virus, that's all. Perhaps your past behavior was less than stellar, but every day we have the CHOICE to do better, and to clean up the messes we have made. You are at that crossroads. Make the right choice, ok?

(((HUGS)))

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/when-should-i-disclose/

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/disclosure-its-not-just-about-herpes/

http://herpeslife.com/disclosing-cold-sores-oral-herpes-hsv-1-to-potential-partners-before-kissing/