beginning dating again H+ v H-

[seeker]

ok, so I was thinking about this the other day. for those who have begun dating again, or anyone else who wants to offer an opinion, would it be or is it easier if your first post diagnosis dating experience is with someone who is H+? I mean not already in a relationship when you found out but starting fresh, square one. just to "get your groove back and renormalize intimacy? we'll have coffee and we'll tawk, discuss.

[willow]

I dont think it will nessisarrily be "easier".

If u r h+, and ur first date is h+, then it may turn into a therapy like session of how h all started....

 

If ur h+ and ur date is h-, then u can focus on the person. And their qualities.

 

The choice is urs. ... this is just i.m.o.

 

[willow]

Depends what ud like to do and discuss on ur date...

[stuckinarut]

I agree with willow it may not exactly make things "easier". However disclosure is a really difficult thing so if the person is positive it will feel like a small weight has been lifted off your shoulders. When I had my first disclosure I struggled pretty badly but in the end it worked out. That relationship is over now but not because I'm positive and he's not so that was a big thing for me. I don't plan on dating anytime soon but when I do decide to would I want someone that's positive maybe just because I tried it one way and now want to do something different. I don't think there's any harm in doing it vice versa either :-)

[seeker]

thanks but im not sure I postulated the question correctly. im wondering if it makes it easier to get back into dating itself, like a pre season (lol). not saying those relationships are doomed. just its hard enough to date, hard to get back into it after a long term relationship, add H and it gets rather epic.

[FLNewH]

If you're meaning like a one-night stand or a FWB type to get the groove back, then I think having sex the first time after diagnosis with an H+ partner would be better for me. Of course, I have only been diagnosed for a few weeks so maybe my opinion would change as I get used to this more. But, for me, I'd be more relaxed and wouldn't be worrying about if I could possibly give it to him or not. If I was with an H- partner I would be too worried and not really "into the game" if you will. As far as true dating, at this point for me, same thing. This would be in the back of my head the whole time.

[Chinup]

@seeker I haven't disclosed to any potential partner yet, but I do feel like it would be a little easier if the person was H+ too. But unless you're on an H dating site or something, I guess there's always a chance ANYONE you date could be H+ and you'd never know until the disclosure. Disclosing to anyone, potential partner, friend, family, etc, just makes me all kinds of anxious and sick to my stomach. I am certainly not ready :-(

[PositivelyBeautiful]

I just recently decided to jump back into the dating game, but proceeding with caution. I decided to do a regular dating site, and see how the process goes day by day. It's not easy meeting someone you genuinely click with, so until I do, I don't really feel the need to worry. Of course, the thought of possibly having to have the talk one day is in the back of mind, but until I get to that point, I'm just going to enjoy the dating experience again. I chose to go to a normal site cause I didn't want to limit my choices, nor did I want to assume that I would be rejected by an H- partner or that I wouldn't even meet an H+ partner on the site. At the end of the day, whatever is meant to happen will happen, and in facing these fears, staying positive and relentlessly pursuing my journey in finding Mr. Right, I feel very confident that I will. What I find most interesting right now about dating, is how I am approaching relationships and the guys I meet. Yes, physical attraction is still important, but I am looking for characteristics that may help me pinpoint whether they would even be receptive to this... and I am also not going anywhere near the bedroom any time soon. Dating to court and get to know someone really well, leaving physical out of the equation (as much and as long as possible) is refreshing. I do understand that everyone is different and you will have to do what you feel most comfortable with, but just thought I would share my own perspective.

[perfGentleman]

I intend to treat this as any other condition ( highway robbery, cancer, asthma). It is such a small portion of what defines me that I'll date any pretty attractive and interesting person.

 

 

At least for now, I will worry when intimacy becomes likely.

 

That's the plan anywaus

[WCSDancer2010]

I think it just depends on the person. Certainly for anyone who is really struggling with the thought of disclosure, it would remove that hurdle. And perhaps if the other partner had had it for awhile, being with someone who is potentially more comfortable with it might help ... BUT .. if the other H+ person was even more freaked out than you, it could turn into a victim-fest where you feed into each other's negative thoughts about Herpes.

 

It would also be easy to "settle" for someone who is H+ because you don't want to risk rejection because of herpes .... so I'd say be cautious if you tried that route, and be very honest with yourself about whether that other person is emotionally ready for a relationship as well.

[Cass]

I have had hsv2 for going on 8 months now. I wasnt the biggest dater prior to my diagnosis. But since getting it i went through the period of omg will anyone ever find me attractive and want to take that risk of being with me. But what it really did was give me a chance to get aqquainted with myself again and how to love myself. I have just yesterday disclosed to a man that iwant a long term relationship with, and having given him the link to this site, and offering to go and talk to a medical professional together has really helped him. I think for you that just taking it slow and above all really loving yourself again and gaining your confidence back will help exponentially whether you choose to date an h +or- person.

[WCSDancer2010]

Hello and Welcome @Cass ... and thank you for that post... it shows how H really can *help* us to find healthier relationships, starting with ourselves :)