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Met someone new... first time disclosing.

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I had my initial OB in April of this year. I gained weight, had multiple outbreaks, and found that my medication made me bloated and groggy. When I got my first OB, I had already fallen hard for the man who exposed me. The relationship unravelled and I found myself deeply depressed. Broken, really. My heart still aches when I think about him.


I have gotten my self confidence back, adjusted to my meds, and rarely have an OB now. I felt ready to start dating again.


A few weeks ago I met a man. We hit it off, and had great dates. After talking for some time, we ended up having oral sex (I went down on him, but wouldn't let him touch me "there.") It was spontaneous, and the old me (pre-herpes) would have had intercourse right then and there. The next time we fooled around, I went down on him again, and he fingered me. I was down to nothing but panties, but was careful to not sit on him or anything that could get my fluids on him.


At the end of a very steamy session, he pulls me on top of him, to lay still on top of him. It felt so great, but I had to quickly roll off and get up. Even though my panties are on, I know I've had an OB on my bikini line weeks before. I laid on him for about 15 seconds.


I have not told him I have herpes. I would like to date him a little longer before full-on intercourse, and I'd definitely like to know him better before sharing my condition with him. Just thinking of telling him makes me want to vomit.


I know that we need to take it easy on any fooling around, until I tell him. I'm thinking public places for a few dates, until I'm sure I want to sleep with him and tell him.


Question is.... have I gone too far already? Have I exposed him by letting our last session move too far? Will he think back to this when I tell him, and feel like I deceived him?


My heart still hurts so much from the rejection from the first man, and I don't know if I can take rejection from another one. I know no one really has the answer, but I'm happy to have a place to relate. Thanks for listening.



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Have you gone too far. No... not yet. But it sounds like it could easily get "too far" pretty soon.


Hows about telling him that you have something that you are dealing with that you want to share with him but you are not ready... and that you need him to not put you in a position where you could go further than you are ready for just yet. That you are not ready to be that vulnerable with him just yet, but that you hope he can understand that you just need a bit more time. If he agrees AND follows through with that, it will tell you a lot about him. ;)


As you said, by now you would *normally* have had sex.... but that hasn't worked so far so you can thank Herpes for slowing you down and helping you to see how this man will deal when you ask him to respect your need for time and patience while you find your courage to talk to him.... if he's into YOU, he will respect you. If he just want's to get INTO you, he will continue to push for sex. It's pretty simple ;)


And remember, rejection is part of life. It doesn't mean anything about YOU... respect that others have the right to CHOICE, even about Herpes ... and it doesn't mean they are bad, nor does it mean that you are dirty or unlovable. AND, read all the Success Stories that you can so you can see that there ARE people out there who are H- who will commit to a H+ person ... we just have to find them.... just like I have to find a man with grown or no children because I have CHOSEN that I don't want to put myself in a situation with young or pubescent kids because mine are grown. And that means nothing bad about myself or the man if he has chosen to have kids late in life... it just means he is not a match for ME and there are plenty of women who would love him AND his kids. Herpes is no different, promise :)


And check out these links about rejection... because a lot of your fear about rejection is coming from a very primal area of the brain... AND, when you understand that, you can learn to allow it in and then to let that fear go ;)



http://herpesopportunity.com/podcasts/Herpes-Opportunity-Never-Rejected.mp3 (adrial)

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog)


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