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Do you tell friends and family?

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I'm curious and I'm sorry if someone posted this topic before but I searched and came up with different results. Aside from disclosing to a potential sexual partner, how many people in your lives have you told? Family, close friends, etc for the main purpose of having a support system?


I've revealed this to two of my closest friends and my mother. I have other friends who will probe about my dating life and little do they know that it's rather complicated now. That potential dates may not be rejecting me because of other things but of a health concern. What do you say in a situation like that? There are times I feel it would be liberating to say but other times not so much. Of course there is no pressure to reveal to friends like it is with a partner or potential partner.

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Well, like everything else to do with Herpes, there are different ways to approach telling friends and family.


I for one have come out completely. The one and only person I will not tell is my 86 yr old father because I know that it will just confuse him ... he suffers from anxiety as it is and is very uneducated about STD's (I've heard some of the things he believes) and I don't need him worrying about me over something that really isn't a problem for me. Otherwise, I am always posting things on FB, and I talk to people all the time about my work here and in my blog and my hopes to get people better educated about STD's. The result is I have people coming to me al the time in private who tell me noone else knows and it's a relief to know they are not alone. I have yet to lose any friends (to my knowledge) over it and if I did, I haven't missed them ;)


Others have had different expereinces. I know they will chime in but we have had a few who have told a handful of friends (and found them to all either already have H themselves or know others with it) ... and we have had some who have found out that their friend is really not who they thought they were (although I believe they really know that the person is not trustworthy but think that the person will be "different" for them :( ) or who have told family and found themselves shunned and treated like a leper. That's an extreme reaction and it comes from ignorance and an unwillingness to get properly educated and a habit of believing what their (non-medical-trained) "friends" tell them :/


I would say take each one individually if you are not able to take whatever reaction you get from them. If you are strong enough to write anyone out of your life who shows up as ignorant, judging, ugly, spiteful, or lacking compassion, go ahead and tell anyone you want. If you can't deal with that ugliness, then choose who you tell carefully.


Look for some of these warning signs that a person may not be the best person to disclose to:


* You hear them judging others harshly and telling everyone how that person is "such and such".


* They are known to gossip about anything that they hear.


* They are known to use what they know about someone against them when they feel "slighted".


* You know that their religion or culture may have taught them that STD's are "punishment" for what they see as poor sexual behavior.


* You feel that it would not be in THEIR best interest (ie: like my father) because to know your status would bring them worry and upset.


I for one will only surround myself with positive people... people who love me unconditionally and who are compassionate about others. Anyone who is in any of the above categories (except the last one) will be, at best, on the fringes of my circle and I personally don't care if they want to judge me or not.


If you choose to let Herpes help you to grow you can use it to learn enough self love that it won't matter who thinks poorly of you because you will learn that their behavior and judgement isn't about you, it's about THEM ... yes, you may have to let go of a few "friends" along the way, but your life will be freer and lighter in the end :)



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Of course, if you are strong enough to deal with it, you could always become an educator for the older community .... as we discussed earlier, the Senior community is often TERRIBLY under-educated. Even if you come up negative, by talking to others about your experience you may save someone from actually getting Herpes, and that would be a beautiful thing for them ... ;)

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on the day i found out i told my mom an one sister. but they were kinda going on the journey with me from the moment i saw the sore. they were both extrmely supportive. mom and brother get cold sores. told my one bestie (she also gets cold sores orally) an shes a bundle of info for me cuz she treats hers with all natural products!. my other bestie was so supportive at first tho. kinda hurt but in time an with me educating her shes now supportive. i also told me boss (cuz he could tell i was def upset) another very supportive response. told me ex just in case i gave it to him. told my stepmom. an thats about it i think... it helps having people to talk to

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  • 3 weeks later...

I told my mom after my diagnoses. She told my entire family. I do have family members with HSV1 but since mine was genital they saw it differently. The reaction as a whole wasn't good.

Looking back, I did tell one female friend. She said she'd still sleep with me, a joke, but it made me feel a little better nonetheless.



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The reaction as a whole wasn't good.


Time to educate - give them the Handouts and ask them if THEY KNOW have been tested because you have learned about people who had their first ever OB after 15-30 yrs of marriage because it hides so well, and that you generally are not tested for it unless you ASK for it ;)


They all likely believe they have been tested and are OK ... it woudn't hurt to shake them up a bit ... LOL

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