Guilt

[Theo1824]

I've just about had enough of all the different emotions I've been feeling. It's like PMS on steroids. The emotion of the day today is guilt. Guilt because, even though he is most likely the giver, he is out of the state and I just can't have this talk on the phone. Guilt because I feel like if he falls for me it is under false pretenses. Guilt because I know I'm getting attached and actually like this guy. Guilt for every time he says he misses me, and I him, and he still has no idea. Guilt for all the plans we talk about doing once he's back. Guilt for talking to him every day and pretending nothing is wrong. I don't know how My sanity will make it to December. But I just CANT disclose over the phone.

[WCSDancer2010]

Could you disclose on Skype? That would at least have you able to see him and his reaction.

 

As for your feelings of guilt, let it go friend.... and it sounds like he fell for you long before your diagnosis ... so that's not under false pretenses.

 

Think about the Skype option. Why torture yourself any longer than you need to???

 

(((HUGS)))

[Theo1824]

I asked him about Skype. He's staying with his parents while he's visiting and they don't have very good internet or something. And I just have this picture of me just grabbing his hand while bawling my eyes out and telling him. Maybe get the pity card? Ha jk

 

We've only known each other for about a month, give or take a few days.. So while he says he likes me, it's hard to think he is into it that much that it wouldn't be considered false pretenses. Makes me wonder about dating in general. I think I'll always feel like I'm leading them on... Like please awesome guy, start liking me a lot! and then I'll tell you this secret about me. Sigh :(

 

[WCSDancer2010]

I get that...

 

There seems to be this thing that happens when someone finds out they have Herpes that goes something like this:

 

"I'm all these great things, but here's the catch..."

 

For most of us, having Herpes isn't the big deal... but many buy into a *belief* that it makes us damaged goods. My experience of those who come on here and who do the work to figure out the lessons that Herpes is giving them is that if anything, Herpes makes us stronger, more compassionate, and just MORE everything on that "great" list that we started with. And there are people out there who will recognize that and fall in love with us BECAUSE we are this "new, improved" person. Check this blog out so you can see what I am talking about :

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/kintsukuroi-celebrating-in-your-brokenness/

 

(((HUGS)))