just waiting

[hope29]

So it's been roughly a few weeks since the diagnosis. Some days are great it may rarely cross my mind or drive me insane. Unfortunately though I am just waiting for the next ob. It consumes my thoughts. I use the bathroom & I always check. I have a bad and I instantly worry that I'll give myself an ob. Just paranoid now. I haven't really told anyone. They won't understand & I don't want to be judged. So I don't talk about it. This is the only place I have to vent really. So thanks for hearing for hearing my worries.

[hope29]

Also I hear this radio station & they say we will be back just like herpes... wtf? Everytime I hear it I cringe. How can people joke about things that people are actually dealing with. Pisses me off to hear them make a joke of something that is in now way funny. End of rant

[hope29]

I'm trying everyday.. I have managed not to cry over it which is a big step for me. Ive cracked a few h jokes on myself. I just remember the pain & I don't want to get that surprise again I just want to know so I can snip it in the butt. Sucks I don't want family to know so I can't talk to them. My fiance doesn't really care to talk about it. It's no big deal for him & doesn't understand why it bothers me. So thanks @inka for giving me some positive feedback

[hope29]

I'm trying everyday.. I have managed not to cry over it which is a big step for me. Ive cracked a few h jokes on myself. I just remember the pain & I don't want to get that surprise again I just want to know so I can snip it in the butt. Sucks I don't want family to know so I can't talk to them. My fiance doesn't really care to talk about it. It's no big deal for him & doesn't understand why it bothers me. So thanks @inka for giving me some positive feedback

[hope29]

Idk why everything keeps posting twice ugh

[hope29]

No your right life does suck sometimes no its not always herpes fault but Def doesn't help. I guess that's y I have taken it so easily is cuz of him. But what If we don't work. Then I have to face this alone. Then what date again but with h tagging along. Sorry this sounds so neg. Just my thoughts

[hope29]

Oo oh almost forgot I started seeing new therapist since I just moved to a new state. I had been seeing a therapist before my move to deal with things from childhood. Well I tell my new therapist about my diagnosis & the look of judgement almost brought me to tears. She looked directly at me eyes wide mouth dropped open then eyes go to my crotch then back to me. I rendered her speechless. I almost walked out of the appt. I never went back to her. Just couldn't believe she judged me so obviously

[forgivenessandpeace]

Wow, I'm sorry your therapist had that reaction. Clearly she needs to get educated. And learn some compassion.

 

There are so so many afflictions from which people suffer. I was not informed that my partner was hsv2+. He didn't think twice about having sex even when he was having an outbreak. That sucks but, hey, life is a risk. I took the risk with him. People don't get to choose whether they get breast cancer or Lyme disease or Crone's disease either. Of all afflictions, if I think about it in the end, I'll take h. Sure I go dark about it sometimes, but I don't stay down. You won't either.

[seeker]

maybe the therapist has H, feels bad about herself and was surprised someone as nice and decent as you had it.

[WCSDancer2010]

I just started reading this and this caught my eye and i want to put this out there right now

 

Also I hear this radio station & they say we will be back just like herpes.

 

Give me their contact info. I'll get that little line pulled in 2 minutes flat. That is totally uncalled for :(

 

And I'm serious ... I want their contact info...

[WCSDancer2010]

I haven't really told anyone. They won't understand & I don't want to be judged.

 

Are all your friends that shitty? If so, I suggest you take all this energy you are using on Herpes and find some new friends! Honest! Why would you want ANYONE in your personal circle who would judge you? True friends are there for you, even when they don't understand you or what you are going through. Anyone else is, at best, an acquaintance. ;)

 

We have had several people on here lately who have reported back after telling the people they TRUST about their status and almost every one of the people they told either had H themselves or knew others with it. You see, the vast majority of the stigma is in our heads. Now, if we surround ourselves with judgmental assholes, it just feeds the stigma because we know deep down that these people are NOT nice and would not support us in the way we need to be supported.

 

So how's about you taking a real good look at your "friends". Let Herpes be your Wingman and let it help you to figure out who the REAL friends are. If you make an error of judgement and someone "judges" you after a disclosure, then THANK HERPES for showing you who they really are and walk away from them.

 

Take it from an old fart. Life is too short to be surrounded by assholes. I only allow POSITIVE MINDED people in my life. And even with that, I have over 1000 "friends" on Facebook and when I came out NOT ONE judged be on it. I only had support for my stand to campaign to stop the stigma. When I accept a "friend" request (I get a lot because I dance competitively all over the country) I really look to see if I know them somehow and if I feel that they will be a positive contribution to my life.

 

Use this part of your experience to help you to really consider who you would feel safe to disclose to. I'm willing to bet that if you do this ONE thing, within a year your whole life will feel a LOT different ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

[WCSDancer2010]

As for the Therapist - well, that is called "Unprofessional Conduct" in the business.

 

So one way to deal with that is to take your power back. As in, let them know that their reaction was inexcusable and unprofessional and you hope they will get educated... then send them the CDC's Website link and copy what I have here below it because they need to understand how it REALLY is spread:

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes-detailed.htm

 

How do people get genital herpes?

 

Infections are transmitted through contact with lesions, mucosal surfaces, genital secretions, or oral secretions. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can also be shed from skin that looks normal. In persons with asymptomatic HSV-2 infections, genital HSV shedding occurs on 10% of days, and on most of those days the person has no signs or symptoms. [4] Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission most commonly occurs from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. [5]

 

If they are part of a group I would write to the manager and let them know about how this person is coming across and CC the copy of your letter to that therapist to them. The only way we can improve how we are treated is by not allowing this kid of bad behavior from the people we entrust to HELP us.

 

Honest, if I lived in that area I'd go see them myself and put them straight. But know that there are TONS of great Therapists out there who will help you through this. Don't give up on therapy, please :(

 

 

[rainyfeather]

WOW! hope29 that therapist comment how she judged you had my jaw hit the desk and eyes bug out. Sorry you had to endure that. I'm still kind of in shock and I just read it. Hope that each day gets a little brighter for you.

[Queenie]

I found out I was hsv 1 & 2 + the first week of August this year my knees buckled & I nearly passed out the only thing that stopped me was the fact my cousin picked me up to go get my results & she was waiting in the car they put my mind at ease when the doctor told me to come back in 4wks because my levels was low I literally went on as if I didn't have it until my next testing because I never had any symptoms I was gonna wait for 6wks but I noticed I was having a yeast infection but it had new symptoms like burning, & my vagina got swollen which is why I wondered if it could be the fact that I'm hsv 1 & 2 + positive now that my vagina reacted differently because I only had two yeast infections twice before with no symptoms I just so happen to catch it because I knew when I had bv so I go in for it to be confirmed.

So I got tested again 5wks later for hsv 1 & 2 & for yeast all came back positive first thing I did was searched to see if I can still have babies, deliver naturally & breastfeed which I am so my mind was at ease. Then I started to think who I could of got it from which I was clueless on because the whole time I usually went to get tested I never was tested for herpes so I don't know where in the timeline to begin I was angry but at the same time I did decide to also partake in sex without protection but after doing research I seen I could of gotten it from shedding I haven't had a ob on my cervix only at the top start of of my outer labia & a rash looking on the rest of my outer labia which is why I want to find out sooner then later if its hsv 1 or 2 that caused the ob on my vagina.

My first ob started 4 1/2 weeks after of confirming I believe it was due to stress I cried mostly because of the who gonna want me scenario I got over it once I realized how many people live with it & how many people had successful disclosures to hsv- partners & have an healthy relationship.

I first disclosed to my bestfriend & it just so happen she had too 2yrs before me she put my mind at ease even more & our bond has become at an ultimate high.

Stress triggers it there's no doubt about that & I also have anxiety as well as high blood pressure so I try to stay calm but I tend to stress without knowing what I'm stressing about so I just keep my mind at peace & not let things get to me have been the biggest help on staying stress free & talking to my bestfriend of course so try not to worry.

[hope29]

I have discloses to one friend she pretty much said that sucks & we continued talking like I had just told her I ruined my favorite jeans. It was no big deal to her. Now I don't keep many friends & since I'm new to the area haven't made any here. I have looked at it like this if I feel like you are going to judge me then I distant myself from them. I think the girl I call my bff would be the most judgmental so I haven't talked to her. I don't need that in my life. I judge myself enough don't need the help. As for the therapist I will be sending her a letter I didn't realize how upsetting it was for me. @dancer I will send you the info of the radio station. It is inappropriate. Surely they can find another joke to go with. I feel like everyday I take another step forward with dealing with this. Wish I could tell my mom but I don't want to hear what she has to say. Well the bright side I'm 25 I'm healthy & this is manageable. Guess I'll find a new therapist. Hopefully one less judgemental

[WCSDancer2010]

Good for you @hope ... use this experience to figure out who you want in your life and to stand up for yourself... it's amazing how strong you can be when you are forced to take a stand!

[hope29]

Isn't that the truth

[willow]

@hope29 ,

Deffinatly find a new therapist!!!! That is so disgusting how she judged u like that!! Therapists/councelors should be the ones to help u through it, not make u feel worse!!!

Emotionally you will get stronger, learn as much as u can, ask, vent often here. Soon youll be ok with the diagnosis and one day the "cringe" feeling will disapear. I promise u that, just gotta learn lots and stay strong!!!

I wrote a post a while back about joking and such, hope it helps..

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3877/fear-and-power#Item_11

[hope29]

Thank you for sharing that. I do try to find the humor in it. Oh I'm sure I've made nasty snarls about people I thought had herpes. Huh jokes on me cuz I might of had h then lol oh sweet irony. Oh well. Don't like that I have H then pls feel free to go somewhere else. Chances are you probably have it to. At least I won't be sharing it to everyone I feel like