I'm herpes positive and he's not.

[sammiejami]

I was just diagnosed with genital herpes this past week, it happened during a break up between my boyfriend and I. we found out a couple days after we got back together that I had it. Luckily we hadn't had sex. And he's decided to stay with me and we're working through it and trying to find out as much as possible. I guess my main concerns are, is there anyone else in a situation like mine where you're positive and your partner isn't? What do you do to be safer and reduce the risk of spreading it? If you did spread it to your partner how did it effect your relationship? It's hard finding good advice for being intimate as most people on the Internet are ignorant and rude. I haven't been able to find any solid advice or experiences with dentals dams or oral with condoms. But mostly we're just worried about the intimacy being gone. It's just frustrating, if anyone can address anything in this post I would greatly appreciate it!

[WCSDancer2010]

@sammiejami

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

First - you can have an entirely normal sex life. For right now, given you are in your first weeks/months, you need to be extra careful because your body needs to make the antibodies to help you to keep it under control (including asymptomatic shedding) but in the long run, you can have a great sex life.

 

I was married for 20 yrs, found out after about 1 or 2 years that my "rash" was H when my ex-hubby had his first OB ... we split 18 yrs later for other reasons. I've since had 2 three year relationships and neither got it from me. And the sex was always great :)

 

Check the Handouts and Ebook and video that Adrail has provided.... that's a great place to start. Then come back with whatever else we can help you with

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

Herpes facts video

[Taylor01]

I'm positive and my "boyfriend" isn't. Due to our circumstances we weren't able to have sex or physical contact until recently..October to be exact, and I was diagnosed in April. We've talked things over and I printed out the handouts from here...and things are going well. And our sex life is great! We have a few things to work out which is why I put quotes around the word boyfriend..but I think what helps is an open & honest line of communication about feelings, and emotions. And once you know what triggers your herpes then you can be like "no sex today i feel tingling" or whatever your specific symptom may be.

[willow]

Hey! Thought id chime in...

first i have a question... do u know what * type* you have?? Hsv1 or hsv2?

 

My bf and i have been together, for 5 months now.

i have hsv2 genitally, he doesnt.

we dont use condoms ( im allergic to latex)

Im on suppressive therapy, which can reduce transmission 50% to 80%!!

Weve tried using the female condom (fc2) and that didnt work at all for *us.

we have sex often, and a bit of oral too.. and as far as we know my bf is still H-.

 

as for dental damns, i dont think u need it, as hsv2 doesnt like being oral.

[Yadira]

I have HSV2 also and my boyfriend does not. We don't use condoms anymore and so far he doesnt have it. We have a very wonderful sex life. Let your body adjust and build up antibodies and you will have a great sex life! Don't stress out about it.

[forgivenessandpeace]

@Yadira I'm so glad to hear you have a very wonderful sex life (that is my GOAL, I'm talking to you Universe).

 

Do you have outbreaks? Do you have prodromes? Are you superwoman? ;-)

[redroses]

@Yadira , how long have you been together? Just curious because you said you don't use condoms anymore. I'm positive for type 2 and my partner isn't. We just got his results today and I got mine last week.

 

Also, what do you mean "let your body build up antibodies"? I thought if we tested positive it meant we have antibodies because we have the virus.

[willow]

Basically the higher the number on ur blood test the more antibodies u have. It usually take 3 to 12 months to build uo enough antibodies for your body to take care of yhe virus on its own without meds. But remember herpes doesnt play by any rules.. soo sometimes ur body cant fight the virus on its own even if youve jad it for 5 years.

your imune system and overal health come into the game too..

examole im celiac, so if i eat gluten.. not only will i feel icky for a few days.. i get prodromes too.

 

If you want u can take antiviral suppressive therapy. It will help ur body as well as cut the transmission rate (about 4% ) down 50 to 80%.. so transmission rate is about 2% or maybe even less!

 

[E9507]

Do women have symptoms more often than men? I mostly see women posting that they have outbreaks and their partner doesn't. I am terrified of giving it to my bf and of him having bad symptoms

[willow]

@E9507 I dont know about men vs women when it comes to o.bs and symptons..

but as for passing it to ur bf, dont stress to much! Female to male transmission is 4%.

So if you go on supressive iy can cut that in half. Also u can use condoms which will too ..

[WCSDancer2010]

@E9507

 

You will notice that we have a LOT more women on here so of course you will see more women posting... we have 2x the risk of getting H in the first place and women are far more likely to reach out to a place like this. That said, we also have fluctuating hormones (thanks to our periods) that often cause OB's and a lot more warm, moist surface area for OB's thanks to our labia ... which is a perfect condition for Herpes OB's :P

[Yadira]

@forgivenessandpeace and redroses We have been together a year and a half. We stopped using condoms because we want to have a child. I have never had an actual OB (I tested positive through a random STD test) I was very shocked! I have no clue when I got it or how long I've had it. Several months ago I did feel what I thought might be prodome so I took an extra dose of Lysine and the symptoms went away. I take 1000mg of Lysine every few days now. You have to give your body time to get used to having HSV2. Over time you should have less OB's.

 

If i never would have asked for the Blood test to test for Herpes I would not know that I have it. I go back to the doctor in a few weeks for my yearly exam and I will be asking him a lot of questions about us trying to get pregnant. My boyfriend is insanely amazing. He's younger than I am (whooo hooo!) lol and is so excited about being pregnant. I'm excited also, I'm just scared about actually being pregnant but I know I will be fine.

 

I do remember when I was tested last year, the nurse that took my blood said that 4 out of 5 women they test come back positive for HSV2. It's incredibly common.

 

Hugs!

[forgivenessandpeace]

Wow, I wouldn't mind being HSV2+ if I never had symptoms. Haha. Did you find it distressing to learn you "had it" nonetheless? One researcher, Bill Halford, has written that 80% of people who test positive do not exhibit symptomatic disease. Seems like your immune system was able to put that pesky virus in it's place at the time you were exposed, that's awesome!

 

Best of luck with the baby-making :)

 

 

 

 

[Yadira]

 

@forgivenessandpeace

 

Yes when I found out I became very stressed, scared and sad but I worked through it. I know of Bill Halford -I actually emailed with him and he gave me great insight. Thank you for the well wishes I am excited but still a little scared -and I know that's just a normal thing. :)

[Cecibuendia]

well is INCREDIBLE.. how can u get herpes and your Bf not... i was read that a girl has - risk to give it H to a man. but my ask is HOW MY BF GOT H? he give it to me H.. and hes not gay.. im very confused. we have 2 years with H and both with OB

[WCSDancer2010]

Men getting herpes has nothing to do with being gay. Men have less of a chance of getting it but they CAN still get it from us. Their risk is normally about 5%. When you are first infected you may not know at first that you are having an OB which makes it easier to pass it on.