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Feeling guilty after guy took advantage of me and I didn't disclose!


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So im new with the forums but i did attend the first Herpes Opportunity seminar. I was diagnosed with type one genital herpes this past august. I need a little advice about something that happened to me, so I was at a party on Saturday and I drank way to much, I can't even remember most of the night. Which was a huge mistake but the guy that threw the party totally took advantage of me and we had sex. Unprotected sex ( I know so stupid ) I dont even remember having sex so I'm pretty positve I didn't disclose, I feel absolutely awful that I may have passed it on. I have been taking valtrex everyday and haven't had an outbreak since my initial one. I just feel like a total slut that I may have done this to the poor boy, but I barely know him and I KNOW he would tell. I just feel so bad I don't know how to feel or what to do!

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Welcome to the forums! Good to see you here, but I'm sorry to hear what happened. What a slimeball guy to do that! If this guy truly took advantage of you, I would either go to the cops or call your local rape crisis center. From what you're saying, it sounds like you have nothing to feel guilty about if he had his way with you! And if this guy has unprotected sex with women he takes advantage of, he sounds like someone who hasn't taken that much care of his sexual health. I would get tested again to make sure you didn't get anything from him!

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I'm going to have to agree with Adrial: I feel this young man took advantage of you.


If you had not been intoxicated would you have had sex with him? And if so, would you have disclosed to him?

(I think I know your answer, on both counts.)


If you were so intoxicated that you don't remember having sex with him I don't think you had the ability to actually make ANY decision at the time. In other words, you did not give consent. In that case, I don't think you have a reason to feel guilty. If he did get it, you didn't intentionally give it to him, you didn't have consensual sex and not disclose, you did not put him at risk on purpose.

Depending on his intoxication level, I would say at the very LEAST he's guilty of is being so drunk he made a bad (or no) decision. At the other end, he could be guilty of rape. In some states 'If someone is impaired due to alcohol or drugs, that person is deemed incapable of consenting and sex with that person is rape (even if the impaired person says "yes")'



I would encourage you to talk to someone - family, a trusted friend, clergy or law enforcement - so that you can decide what you need to do.

And I think that being tested for STD's is something you should do ASAP.


Much love to you D,


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Hey there D,


I felt sad reading your post. How could you have asked or told him to stop if you don't remember the event? It saddens me that we women have so little respect for our bodies that we allow these things to happen to us. The last thing I would feel is guilty about his health! He knowingly took the risk.

Looking after your precious self is much more important I think. It's a big lesson for many of us of all genders, and there's no work more worthwhile, the quality of your whole life depends on it. Big hug to you, I would definitely re-evaluate this friendship if you have any thought that this guy is a friend. Alcohol isn't your friend either if you can't limit yourself to a level that allows you to make your own choices, and to protect yourself if with someone who doesn't respect those.


There are pivotal moments in life where things move in a different direction afterwards. This may be one of yours, I hope you don't have to go through this again. Get some coaching, or google self love online , there are lots of great resources around now. Take care of your beautiful self.

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