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Great inspiration for the herpes talk


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I was watching a show called Brothers & Sisters. In one episode, a character named Saul is HIV positive. He is becoming emotionally involved with another man and he has very strong feelings for him. They've been spending a lot of time together: going on dates, emotionally intimate. He is talking to his nephews about his fear of disclosure.

 

He says: "I'm afraid if I tell him I am HIV positive, I won't have him anymore."

 

One of his nephews says to him: "But if you don't tell him, you still won't have him."

 

Such a simple yet true statement. We are so afraid of telling someone we have herpes in fear if losing that person in our lives, but even if we don't tell that person, we won't fully have them will we?

 

We can choose not to tell someone, break it off abruptly and wonder what could have been. Or tell them and risk them rejecting us. But at least we'll know for sure right? We could be missing out on something amazing just because of the fear of rejection.

 

So if you're fearing herpes disclosure because of the thought of losing them, think: if you don't tell them and distance yourself, you won't have them anyways.

 

I think the reward is greater than the risk in this scenario. And you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So might as well take a shot and know for sure.

 

Just some thoughts. I've kept that quote with me since I've heard it and it's helped me.

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This is the essence of why vulnerability is so beautiful. Being truly vulnerable will appeal to the kind of person you want to have in your life. It's not the herpes or the AIDS or whatever the thing that is wrapped in shame that is actually beautiful ... It's who you are that has you disclose. And that idea of "I won't have him anymore" is the epitome of shame. Said in another way: "If this person finds out I'm human, they won't accept me." Everyone has flaws and imperfections. And in a way, those are also what make us beautiful. Flaws and beauty are the yin and yang. Without flaws, there would be no beauty; without beauty, there would be no flaws. Welcome to humanity, eh? :) Thank you for sharing, Harlow. Beautiful.

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That is so awesome Harlow. Thanks so much for sharing and it is so true what you say - you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Thanks Adrial as well. We are all human and, yes, we all have "baggage" or imperfections. Having someone look at us, all of us, and see the good, the bad and the ugly and have them fully accept us is the most amazing feeling, but that person has to be yourself first. We need to look in the mirror and see ourselves, flaws and all, and think "Wow! I am amazing and beautiful and perfect." The thing that keeps me grounded is that God looks at me and sees even parts I don't want to see about myself and He loves me unconditionally. Once we can do that for ourselves, then we can do that for others and hopefully one day have someone do that for us. I have friends who love and accept me that way and it is such an amazing blessing to have that kind of love and friendship. I am looking forward to having a partner one day who can look at me and I can look at him and we can both see the absolute perfection in our humanity.

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