I feel so confused about life now

[Shinein09]

I feel like I've been on such an emotional roller coaster lately. Sometimes I'm okay and I feel like I can be strong and I feel like "if this is something that will make someone walk away from me, then they don't deserve me anyway." But then again sometimes I sit and think and all I can feel is that I will be alone for a greater majority of my life because no one is going to want to be with me. I was NEVER promiscuous, in fact I was celibate for three years- and the first partner I had in all those years was the one that gave me herpes. The first time. The first partner. I feel like I was robbed of a future and I feel like all the years of me waiting on the right person was such a waste. All I wanted was to make sure it was someone I actually cared about and i feel like he didn't care enough about me. I blame him but I also blame myself so much more for not being careful enough. I just feel so sad and alone sometimes and feel like It will take a looong time for somebody to love me.

[john]

shinein09, you have to try. I find myself feeling the same way

[ivoryrain]

When my mom found out she had H, she was even more devastated than when I found out I had it. She told me, "You know, I realized something. STDs don't discriminate. It doesn't matter if you've slept with 100 people or if you married the person you lost your virginity to. You can still contract an STD, and that is no reflection on who you are as a person." This really helped me when I was later diagnosed because I was thinking, "Why did this happen to me? I'm not promiscuous." Then her words that STDs don't discriminate came back to me.

 

Someone WILL want to be with you. Quite frankly, you could've taken every single precaution in the world during sex and STILL contracted H. That's not your fault. You simply didn't know all the facts. I don't think any of us did until it was too late. Had I known, I would have been so much more careful. But there's nothing I can do to change it, so I try to not be so hard on myself. I hope that soon you can do the same.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Shinein09

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

And (((HUGS)))) .... you will be fine - promise.... I've had this 35 yrs and it's just a nuisance issue for me that acts as a great Wingman and has made me stronger and better because I have had to learn to love ME first.

 

I strongly suggest that you read all the Success Stories that you can ... you will see that there are plenty of people who, like you, thought their life was over after diagnosis and who went on to find really GOOD partners who loved them and didn't care about the herpes issue.

 

As @willow has said on here before:

 

Life sure knows how to make things seem not fair... but in reality, fair is just a skin tone.

 

I got H from my FIRST EVER partner. How "fair" is that? "I'll swap my virginity with you for Herpes".... said noone ever. But it happened to me.

 

AND

 

I've had a 20 year marriage and two 3 year relationships and none of them ended because of Herpes.

 

Read all you can on here for comfort and inspiration. And post when you need support, answers, or to help another. Often in supporting someone else, you learn a lot about yourself ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

[In_The_Same_Boat]

Dear Shinein09,

 

I know it's hard, but please take this advice: Don't ever bet against yourself! This may keep the wrong people from being with you… but who cares about the wrong people, anyway? Please believe me when I tell you THIS WILL NOT KEEP THE RIGHT ONE/ONES AWAY FROM YOU. I firmly believe in what Dancer says about H being a great wingman. It is a great way to weed out the jerks! Yes, you were robbed of a future free of H, and that sucks, but you were not robbed of your future! You still have it, it is still right there in front of you, and it can still be great.

 

I'm new here, too. And yes, I am still struggling to accept this. Really struggling! Particularly because of the timing. The timing seemed incredibly unfair. Like you, I was celibate for years! I waited and waited and finally met the man I feel I waited my whole life to meet… and guess what… before we had any chance to be intimate, I experienced my first O.B. I was terrified. I was pretty sure I knew what kind of man he was, but, still! How could I know for sure?!? I knew I had to put my terror aside and tell him right away, because I had to know one way or the other. Long success story short, I told him that I wanted to be with him more than anything, but didn't think I could, because I just found out I have H, and I didn't ever want him to get it. His response was basically "That's all? That's all it is? You would let THAT keep us from being together? Please-don't let it keep us from being together!" I can tell you that it only brought us closer. If it is the wrong person- it may drive them away. But if it's the right person, it will bring you closer.

 

Shinein09, please know that you can still have an amazing future! It really is true- if this makes someone walk away from you, then they absolutely do not deserve you! You've got to try to believe that! An H disclosure is a great way to measure a person's character. I learned that very quickly. It may take time to find the right guy, or it may not! You could meet the right guy tomorrow! One never knows!