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The time is near...too near?


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As I posted in the "your story" section I have both types orally, but even before confirming type 2 I always discussed this condition with potential girlfriends. Most of the time things went well, but there have been a few rejections. Rejection is always hard to take, but putting it in perspective helps a great deal. They aren't rejecting me as a person, but the condition.

 

Anyways, I have recently started with dating again with the help of a non-H dating site. I've been having fun for the most part. The set up of online dating allows me to get to know something about them before meeting them (yes, I know people can and do say all kinds of things from the safety of a keyboard.), and upon meeting I get to tie all the previous information into the woman sitting before me. Until very recently I had only met two women, and decided after one meeting that they weren't for me. However there is another one. We met for coffee, and what I expected would be a short encounter turned into us walking around an outdoor mall and talking for over two hours. Needless to say I am interested or I would not have spent that much time talking with her. She's great, smart, funny, and being beautiful doesn't hurt either. The conversation was easy. Yes there were pauses, but pauses in conversation are natural and I'm not afraid of silence. At the end of the date I asked if she would like to see me again and she said yes. So now we have a second date, which I know is often times when the first kiss occurs. That leaves me with the need to prepare for the disclosure talk.

 

I've downloaded and read the book which was a big help, because I realized I was using the wrong words. What I've ended up doing to prepare is to write down my thoughts on this disclosure and how I want to bring it up, then I changed the words to ones which have a less negative connotation. Even though I'm feeling pretty confident it's still not easy and I'm so nervous. It is a talk I wish could come later, but with mine being oral I can't hold it off too long. Also, because it's still early this will have to be a disclosure in a public location (any tips on a public location would be appreciated), which makes this a little more nerve racking for me. We've already discussed how important honesty is to both of us which made me feel good. I'm hopeful that my honesty will be met with understanding and acceptance.

 

I do want to say thank you to everyone who contributes to this forum, it has been great to read through the discussions.

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You are gorgeous cbk...and if you disclosed to me I would have the utmost respect for you and know you care about me.

 

Yeah it is scary to disclose but your intention is good and honorable...and while you can't predict if your disclosure will meet with acceptance you have done the right thing. Maybe go for a walk in a lovely park...that's always my favourite talking place...or along the beach.

 

Sending you courage and lots of good thoughts. And i love your preparation, I have done the same thing myself! Writing stuff down seems to add power to it :-)

 

Let us know how you get on?

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Thank you for the words of encouragement Lelani, support like that always helps.

 

We went on the second date and had a good time, but I just didn't feel a connection with her. I did not end up disclosing, even though we have many similarities in personality and traits I just couldn't find the connection I was looking for. She had let me know that she had a better time expressing herself through writing (something I can understand) and so I decided to send her an email afterwards. I let her know that she was a great woman and that she would definitely find someone, but that my instinct was that there was no connection between us.

 

Even though I didn't have to disclose I feel more prepared now than I have before. I do now understand H as an opportunity to be more aware of the relationships I pursue. With this I will be more in tune with my instincts and more aware of the signals being received that let me know if it is a good relationship.

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Brilliant!!! Yeah no need to disclose if you don't have a connection and yeah its H has a way of forcing us to be more in tune with signals and intuition about if someone is right for us. And every opportunity to disclose is good practice, even if you don't end up to telling!

 

I'm glad my post helped you...I really felt for you and so know how it feels! I have just joined a standard online dating site...feeling bit freaked out by it but I need the practice again after a year on my own! I'll let you know how it goes ;-)! I dated online a couple of years ago (before H) and had so much fun..met some great guys who are still friends. So here goes!!!!

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Nice CBK. I'm glad you disclosed anyway, at the very least to get a FEEL for what it's like to say it outloud to someone else. The silence is what holds most of the power in shame. I imagine you felt a release when you said those words without shaming yourself about it. I imagine that was your integrity growing stronger. I'm proud of you, bro.

 

By the way, check out the new video I put together about the H Opportunity weekend. Gets me choked up every time I watch it. :)

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I actually didn't disclose this time, but I do have at least one take away from the experience. The preparation I went through made a big difference. Now I have a template for preparation to use in the future. That will make it easier when the time comes, and until then I'm going to take the advice of some of the folks here and talk with close friends about this. That should make it easier too.

 

Thanks for the encouragement though, it's always welcome.

 

:) CBK

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