Man of my dreams wants more herpes information

[nrg1117]

I recently had the talk with the man of my dreams. To my surprise, he did not immediately grab all his things and run out the door, nor did he avoid my calls subsequent to the talk. He says that he is really into me, but is having a hard time because he doesn't know enough about the infection. I sent him the book "The Good News About the Bad News" by Terri Warren and he should receive it tomorrow. I told him the stats and sent him some research that I found online at CDC and a few other sites. Was wondering if someone has been through this and how did you help the other person become comfortable with it. I think his concerns are transmission and how it will effect our sex life. I have had the infection for 5 years now and I don't believe I have outbreaks anymore, at least they are so mild that I do not feel any discomfort ever so I am unable to determine when is not a good time and I fear I will put him at risk. Is there a way to figure out when you are shedding, like can you pee on a stick, lol. Also, I ran across something that said the longer you have it, the less outbreaks and shedding you have because your body builds an immunity. Does anyone know if this is in fact true? I plan to use condoms and get on meds and the stats say it is difficult to pass from female to male, even without using these precautions. I feel like the combination of less shedding, condoms, meds and the difficulty of transmitting from female to male will help keep him free from this infection.

 

Sorry, I know this was a bunch of thoughts crammed into one paragraph but any help on any topic will be greatly appreciated.

[Carlos]

Hey NRG111U... if this is your first time posting (I haven't seen your fantastic all consonant name before) then WELCOME!

 

I'm 41 and was diagnosed soon after I turned 30 (Spring of 2002). Yes, outbreaks grow milder and your immune system--that's if your nutrition is on point, if you exercise, if you rest properly--will fight off the virus. Yet your body is unable to kill the virus so shedding occurs even when there are no symptoms present. I believe that a combination of anti-viral medication (daily valacyclovir 500mg) and some herbal supplements such as ASTRAGALUS, OLIVE LEAF EXTRACT, and the amino acid L-LYSINE, aide the body in warding off the virus.

 

Many people will offer differing opinions regarding valacyclovir (or valtrex). I too was skeptical; fearing the medication would rot my liver or something. But I consulted two doctors (one of them an HSV specialist) and they both eased my mind... they said valacyclovir is not damaging. I take it (plus the herbals and Lysine) because it eases my mind regarding transmission.

 

I commend you on how pro-active you've been regarding disclosing to your boyfriend. I think that's awesome! You should feel very good about yourself. I think giving him that book (which I've yet to read, and I've read a few) plus the CDC info was a positive, fearless step. I wish both of you the best!

 

In regards to who transmits more, male or female, I would dare say, it doesn't matter. HSV1 and 2 are just part of an 8-strand family of skin viruses (chicken pox and shingles also included). Hence HSV's portal of entry is skin and it hides in the central nervous system... it doesn't care about gender or socioeconomic standing ;)

 

On a final note: it's admirable that you care so much about protecting your boyfriend; and that you've gone thru great lengths to educate him. Ultimately, the person at the heart of this situation (or this new opportunity to learn) is YOU. protect yourself: you body, your mind, your soul. Whether the boyfriend sticks around or not, YOU ARE NUMBER ONE.

 

Best,

Carlos

[nrg1117]

Thanks so much for your response Carlos and your kind words. Yes this is my first post and I made a mistake on my user name, the u should be a 7, lol. So what I am gathering through my research is there is really no hope. The mate who is right for me has to be ready and willing to possibly contract the virus. We can take all the precautions there are, but without abstinence, it may/will eventually happen......Of the books that you have read, do you have any recommendations?

[Carlos]

hey NRG1117,

 

I hear what you're expressing; you're in a vulnerable place and I've been there, so I can relate. Yes, it's hard to ward off the noise/insecurity that comes up when you've disclosed to someone you're hot for and you want him to embrace you wholeheartedly. Yet I know you can get through this; that you will be okay. I also feel the urge to pull you away from extreme statements such as: "There is really no hope. The mate who is right for me has to be ready and willing to possibly contract the virus. We can take all the precautions there are, but without abstinence, it may/will eventually happen."

 

There are couples in which the HSV negative person remains negative. I speak from personal experience. I've been involved with a guy since late 2009. It is not an emotional/romantic relationship, but there is friendship with benefits. I disclosed from the get-go and he was cool about it. 3 years later, there's no sign of transmission. And I'm sure there are plenty of examples (probably even better ones) to debunk the theory that all is hopeless.

 

I guess what I'd like to achieve here is to guide you away from adopting stories that will not serve you and become a self-fulfilled prophecy. You deserve better!

 

If you need to talk further--or just vent--feel free to contact me privately. I can either offer advice or just lend an ear.

 

Best wishes,

Carlos