Herpes Disclosure Day tomorrow......moral support and information appreciated

[lelani]

Hey Brenda...I so know where you are coming from with Experiment boy...Shingles can just roll so easily off your tongue aye?! One of my work mates had a shingles episode just before xmas and showed us....OMG it was ALL over her stomach - she got sympathy from everyone and was very nurtured. I was having an episode at the same time but its not appropriate to say anything just because the same blisters are on my lady bits and not my midriff! Needless to say there was no nurturing and understanding coming my way!

 

haha Atlanta I love 'the H bomb' ...yeah it does feel like that. I'm the same, super fit, intelligent and men think I am hot...hot from a distance now I have H. Yeah there is sooooo much misinformation about H, its not taught properly in schools and there is widespread misinformation from the medical profession. Your 'match' is testament to that!

 

And I am sitting on the couch with my cat and dog ;-)

[WhoopsiDaysi]

I hear ya Lelani. It's all about location with this sneaky little virus. Everytime I see someone with a cold sore it still makes me cranky. Isn't that funny - your coworker has shingles mere inches from your ouchies and it's totally fine to talk about it, tell the world, even show everyone. We, on the other hand, suffer in silence and embarassment. I'm know I'm not about to be showing off my ouchies to anyone! LOL

 

That is awesome Atlanta - the H Bomb. It really feels that way some days, doesn't it? I heard that herpes is rampant in the seniors homes because the old boys and girls figure since they don't have to worry about getting pregnant, they don't need to use condoms. I don't even want a visual of one of them trying to put one on....but I digress. Anyway, maybe what I need to do is start cruising the seniors homes and see what I can find! LOL I like your idea about the animal shelter as well, but I think I am maxed out on puppy love. Thankfully I have a smaller condo otherwise....I could be "that woman with all the dogs". :)

 

We just have to laugh about it ladies. Not much else we can do. :) At some point some smart fella will realize it's just a virus. OR he'll be part of the club and it's all herpes happiness. :)

[Atlantic]

:-) Hi WD. Location, location, location... Sigh.

 

And I was being facetious about the additional dogs. I have two curled up next to me right now. I am fully stocked. Just my self-deprecating humor about the dreaded "crazy cat/dog lady" stereotype. I have a second date this weekend with a civilian, still too early for me to disclose, and I don't know if the chemistry is going to warrant it anyhow. I have never had to disclose because I am just now dating again after being gifted in a LTR that ended months ago.

[sugarplumfairy]

A civilian!!! Hahahaha!!! I love it! I'm so happy to have found this site.

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Hey Atlanta. I get ya on the dogs. I could be the crazy dog lady. I actually go to the pet store to play with all the animals. I am like a 5 year old in there. I play with the birds, talk to Chloe the Cockatoo, talk to the bunnies, play with the store dogs and let them climb all over me. And then I come home to my own two - my dog and my cockatiel and enjoy the unconditional love they give me. They don't care if I have herpes, or if I have gained 10 pounds or if I am getting gray hair. I feed them and they love me cuz I'm their mama. :)

 

Good luck with the date. If there is no huge chemistry, maybe it's not worth the stress. When I finally disclosed this week, as I was doing it I realized I really wasn't feeling it. I was actually hoping he would reject me so I didn't have to dump him! LOL Sometimes I use it as a defence mechanism to get rid of people. In the end, I decided that I needed to be straight with him. I'm just not feeling it and I may have herpes, but man, his baggage was certainly more than carry on. Drugs, theft, bankruptcy.....made my herpes look pretty damn good at that point! LOL

 

I hate disclosing but I always feel better once it's out there. Maybe practice on this one if you don't really care. Then when the right one comes along, it won't be so hard. :)

[cbk_always_honest]

Since I've been in the online dating arena (feels like a sport at times) I've read stories of people who have disclosed in their profile information. This is something I've wondered about myself but haven't had the guts to try. From what I've read it's been a mixed bag, but no more so than online dating is already. So far I have come across one profile which indicated something but provided no details, however there were other concerns I had (she wanted to know income up front) so I didn't contact her.

 

Seems like it could work, but what holds me back is the level of ignorance regarding this condition. I've also considered the email disclosure but I prefer face to face interactions even though I get anxious and nervous I want to see the reaction of the woman I'm speaking with.

 

I've also had the same feeling of using it on occasion to end a bad date situation, but seem to find other ways to stop things from moving. Religion and politics come to mind, lol. When it's put into perspective against the other issues people bring with them, this condition seems less significant.

 

:) CBK

[Atlantic]

"When it's put into perspective against the other issues people bring with them, this condition seems less significant."

 

CBK and WD, you both make good points on this. "H" is a small carryon compared to some of the oversized baggage that some people are bringing into a relationship including children, ex drama, psychiatric issues, addictions and financial issues such as foreclosures and bankruptcies especially now. That said, somehow none of those issues bears the unpleasant stigma associated with H (at least for most people).

 

I have found that I often tend to "idealize" my date or love interest, overblowing my situation while thinking that their life is virtually problem free. It is important to keep it in perspective that everyone brings their own issues to the table. I keep telling myself that the right person will accept this as part of my overall wonderful package!

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Hey CBK - I hear ya on putting my H status on my profile. Like you said, given the level of ignorance on the issue, I would prefer to have a face to face. I educate every person I have The Talk with and so, as gut wrenching as it feels each time for me, I really feel like there is a reason we met. I have learned through my coaching especially that the Universe only brings us the people we need and can learn from. I have met two men who had such horrific experiences with herpes - one had a filandering dad who had herpes so, for him, herpes had a really negative connotation. The other had a sister-in-law who got it from her cheating husband. She then passed it on to her new boyfriend and the boyfriend would come to her work everyday and tell everyeone she worked with how she ruined his life by giving him herpes. No accident our paths crossed. The other men either had things to learn about being safe sexually or else, I had things to learn about my choices in men. It's interesting how that all works.

 

I hear ya Atlantic on idealizing other people. Most of us do. We think everyone else has their stuff together but, the fact of the matter is, we all have stuff, like you say. Some of it bigger than a simple virus. It's just that the virus has such a stigma attached to it. The virus, I find, gives me a chance to take the shiny parts off of the other person because it slows everything down for me. I have a chance to invite my brain to the party before my heart puts the blinders on.