never been so depressed in my life!

[need2talk]

Hi everyone I'm 28 yo female and I just found out two months ago that I have H simplex 2. I am always a happy smiling person that doesn't let anything get to me. I always have a positive attitude about everything but since I found out I've been a mess! I haven't told anyone and friends and family notice a change in my mood and are worried about me. I have never been this sad and depressed in my life! Please someone help and tell me that it will get better :*(

[lelani]

I there...a big hug for you honey - I know just how you feel, I was in the same place as you this time last year. YES it will get better...I remember the mess ;-).

 

Why haven't you told anyone? It feels really lonely when you don't, and there is NO reason not to find someone who cares about you and share what is going on for you.

 

Are you feeling ashamed..(we all have this hurdle to overcome). There is no shame in getting this and its hard on those who love you to not know what is causing you to be unhappy. The best thing you can do for yourself is to talk to someone. Some of the deepest connections I have made with people have been since, and because of H.

 

Yes H changes how you express yourself sexually and it means you have to be brave and honest with potential partners. It means sometimes you have annoying episodes that can be uncomfortable and inhibiting (and I don't mean with just sex - couldn't ride my bike the other day as my ladybits weren't too happy!). And sometimes you have to deal with the emotional backlash of thinking negatively about having H (...no one will want me...how do I tell anyone...I am ashamed....the list goes on and really it would be the same thoughts if you had excema, psoriasis, dandruff, warts - and they are all just skin conditions).

 

It's time to look after yourself and take time to heal. Talk to someone, exercise, eat well, do things that bring you joy, forget about relationships for now while you heal and know that we are here to help you feel better :-). There are amazing people here and we all support each other to the max :-). I'm glad you reached out and posted. I am sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts - you will get through this sad phase and will learn that H is only a small part of who you are, you just gotta get used to having it around. xx

 

 

[need2talk]

Thank you so much! This is making me feel a lot better. Yes I am ashamed just because of how everyone I know makes a joke about how you are gross if you have this. I'm afraid to tell people because I don't want it to get around to everyone that I have it in fear that they might judge me or talk bad. I don't know how to think or act about it. Its tearing me up inside but I'm very glad I found this site. Reading what everyone is saying is already making me feel a little better. I guess my fear is that I will be rejected or never find love

[lelani]

That's everyone's fear...mine too, and sometimes it surfaces. But I was on my own for about 5 years without H, by choice (was married for 25yrs so the independence was awesome!). I worried sometimes then if I would always be alone. Since then I have met some lovely men - just not the right one for me.

 

I've had the 'talk' numerous times and don't make a secret of it with my friends and family - I decided being judged is all about the other person and all I needed to do was be honest, kind and live my truth - their reaction is how I decide if i want them in my life. I haven't been rejected because of H...and I have felt so much better just living honestly with myself. I don't find the talk easy, but its a discussion everyone should have if they are going to get intimate with someone, H or not (and really unless someone has been tested they don't even know if they have it or not!).

 

So honey give up the shame, it's not good for you - so many amazing people have H through no fault of their own, unless you can be blamed for loving someone or wanting to be close. Are we all less amazing...NO! We get the chance to be more amazing and showing others how strong and compassionate we are, moreso if we react that way when others judge us. I have cried when I have talked about it, laughed, had long pauses of silence to find the words, been ok about it, felt like I didn't have enough information to tell someone....there is no right way to think or talk or act - just be you.

 

H really is an opportunity to learn about yourself and others and to really experience who you are deep down. It's not easy at times, at times its amazing...yes you may be rejected but you get stronger and more confident in dealing with it. And yes you will find love...and because of H it will be more honest and you will know that you are truly loved. xx

[SassyNatty82]

What your feeling is completely normal and what most of us went through. Its not like a cold that goes away in a week, this is with you always. But...you make the best of the situation and turn the bad into a positive. For every negative, I try to come up with a positive. A positive for you for starters, joining this forum!!!! :) that took a lot just to do that. You may not know any of us, but once you feel more comfortable hearing others stories and experiences, you'll see your not alone and theres no reason to feel so upset. Its may take you some time, but read some more post.

 

Do you have someone close you can trust and speak with? It helps even telling one person and you'll notice a difference. I wish you all the best and were all here for you as we all are part of the "H" family. Here you can be yourself and not feel ashamed, depressed or worried of what others will think of you. I look forward to hearing more and hoping near future post will be positive. :)

[need2talk]

Thank you ladies for taking the time to respond to me. I already am feeling a lot better.

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Need2talk, we all get where you are coming from sweetheart. The diagnosis seems like the worst thing that could have ever happened but, trust me, it gets better and, believe it or not, there are blessings in this little virus we share. Your life will change for sure, but I think all of us will tell you, it changes in many ways for the better. Reaching out to a group like this is so powerful. Here you will get love and support through your down times, advice through the uncertain times, and hugs and high fives for your victories. Herpes does not need to define you any more than having a cold sore anywhere else would. You are still the gorgeous, fun, intelligent woman you were before you knew. And you know, you will become an even more amazing woman afterwards because there are so many opportunities for growth in this situation. You will be pushed sometimes beyond what you think you can do and then when you do it and you see how strong and amazing you are, you will be blown away. Just take it one day at a time and don't allow those thoughts and fears to take hold. Your feelings are not the truth in this matter. They are the fears of the unknown and that is okay and perfectly normal. Allow yourself to feel however you feel but also know it will get SO much better as time goes on. I have grown so much, met so many amazing people and made some wonderful friends and my life really is so much richer as a result. Honestly, I wouldn't change it now if I could because if I did, then I would miss out on all the blessings as well. Hang in there and keep posting my dear. All things happen for a reason and there are many blessings waiting for you!!

Brenda xo

 

[need2talk]

Everyone here is so amazing! Already making me feel a lot better! I told my first person today.. my friend chris and he said "so what doesn't change who you are as a person" made me feel a lot better. I know that this isn't the end of the world but I still can't help but think and fear that I'm gonna meet someone and the fear of having to tell them then be rejected . This scares me! Then again I have to think that if they don't accept me and my H then it wasn't meant to be. I don't know I just have so many thoughts and fears right now. Thank you all so much for your kind words xoxo

[mr_hopp]

You know, I read a fascinating article once about the possible evolutionary reason for depression. It ultimately said that depression is our natural way to tune out the regular distractions in our life and focus on ourselves. To focus on our broken hearts, to tend to what we had previously been avoiding. To go back to the source of us. In that way, depression can be seen as a beautiful biological way for us to reconnect to ourselves. Depression is another one of those things that has a tremendous cultural stigma also. If you're depressed, it's harder to reach out due to fear of being judged. But reframing it to recognizing it as your body and heart's way of healing is beautiful. There's nothing wrong with that. Ultimately, the question becomes: When you are alone with yourself, depressed, how are you treating yourself? How are you treating your heart? Is being by yourself healing your tender wounds or ripping them deeper?

 

And about your fear of rejection, definitely have a listen to our most recent group phone call about how to never feel rejected. It goes way more in depth into all this. :) http://eepurl.com/tNKir