Herpes dating websites?

[need2talk]

I've heard there are dating sites for people with herpes. Has anyone tried these sites out? If so, can you tell me if it went well it what sites to use?

[Atlantic]

Positive Singles (PS) and MPWH (Meeting People With Herpes). Just google the names and you'll find them. I have not been on them too long, but have met a couple of people. My take so far is that PS has more volume ( a lot more men that are local to me), but MPWH has a greater number of professional and educated individuals. I am a paid member of MPWH, and an unpaid member of PS.

[mr_hopp]

Hey need2talk & Atlantic!

 

Great to have you here!

 

I'm totally a fan of everyone finding the love they deserve (of course), and if going to herpes-only dating sites is your way to do that, that's great. BUT, consider how going to herpes-only dating sites is actively segregating yourself from 86% of the population! It's pre-rejecting us from all of those people out there who would LOVE to be in a relationship with you regardless if you have herpes or not. And for the most part, people staying in the herpes-only dating pool is only due to being afraid of having the herpes talk (ultimately, fear of rejection). What are we so afraid of?

 

Here's an article I wrote a while back on this topic:

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites/

[need2talk]

Afraid of being rejected :-( don't.think I could handle that

[mr_hopp]

I totally understand. I used to be like that, too. And many people when they first came to the Herpes Opportunity have felt the same way. Then there's a big realization: WE are the ones holding ourselves back. Not herpes. It's the bullshit story that we aren't enough that holds us back. And we are choosing to believe it. Listen to the "How to never feel rejected" audio. It'll change your perspective quick. :) Here it is: http://eepurl.com/tNKir

[need2talk]

Thank you! This site has already helped me. Just found out so all these feelings are new to me. I'm going to.try and have a positive attitude about this and this site is very helpful

[Atlantic]

Thanks Adrial. To clarify, I am on a mainstream dating site (Eharmony) as well. My thought is to increase the odds of finding someone. I am in my mid-30s and would like a family, so I have to be somewhat motivated and proactive here. I figure I will try both mainstream and H dating sites, and see how it goes with both. I have a second date from EH today, so disclosure may be around the corner if this one goes well....

[mr_hopp]

I'm so glad to hear that, Atlantic. There are other great free sites out there, too, like okcupid and lets date. It's the people who ONLY date on herpes sites that breaks my heart. What are we, lepers? ;) Short answer: Heck no!

[SassyNatty82]

I looked into these sites one in particular, PS...positive singles...it reminds me of an NSA type dating site. Many of the men in there already know their status so to them, its no issue sleeping around. A friend of mine has been on it for a few months. She's gone on a few dates and has endless emails. They have all led to the same thing... What are we waiting for, we both want a good time, its not like we can catch anything else! She's heard this over and over again. I checked it out myself and found similar situation. I don't know, sites like that make me feel like they automatically lower our standards as well as the others who are looking for partners.

 

As hard as it may seem, its worth the shot in the dark to go main stream like Atlantic is with EHarmony, and try a regular site. Either way, never settle or lower your standards because someone doesn't appreciate you or you don't feel your worth it. @need2talk, think positive... Remember our chats :)

[Atlantic]

Sassy, I agree that a lot of the guys on PS are skeevy. But, the same can be said for Match.com. Each of the sites has their issues. MPWH is a good site, and seems to attract more educated people in my (albeit limited) experience. However, the selection locally is very limited.

 

Eharmony has been a hit and miss experience, for me and the friends who have tried it...but overall positive. A lot of guys sign up, and you're "matched" with them, but then they never respond (likely because they signed up during a free trial and did not continue their account). But ultimately, EH is the site with the most people who are interested in serious relationships, not just hook-ups. And a man who is looking for a serious LTR/marriage is, IMHO, more likely to take a holistic view and be accepting of my condition.

 

My advice is to try at least one H site and one non-H mainstream site...

[SassyNatty82]

Yes, my sister is on match .com and for what she pays for her membership...I'd think the same goes for the men, I don't think their all on there for just hook-ups. There are some great men out there trying to find their match. I just wish more sites had stricter guidelines I suppose as to how serious one is when on there.

 

I'd be hesitant to try a mainstream one for myself. I'm a people person and love interacting face to face. Mixers would be great, although in our situations or not, eventually, disclosing will follow. I would love to to even put something together like this locally. Maybe ill take your advice :) ill browse about but keep us posted!

[Angel]

I really like OK Cupid (www.okcupid.com). It's free and I ran into a bunch of my friends on that site, showing that there are people on that site with similar interests like me. Before I was diagnosed with HSV-2, I met a few really nice guys, some of them were quite serious about finding a partner and having a serious relationship. Not sure how things will turn out after the diagnosis. I started going on a few dates again, but nothing has led yet to a situation where I had to disclose anything. As I keep on meeting pretty cool guys though, this may change in the not too far future. Will keep you posted.

[Angel]

Does anybody have any feedback on hsvsingles.com? I signed up, but am hesitant to pay, as the number of people living in proximity to where I am seems fairly small, and along the lines of what Adrial said, I am hesitant to limit my search to people with the "same condition".

[Kath_R]

I'm on Positive Singles. Not that I'm trying to segregate myself or anything, but I'm not exactly looking to get married or anything. It's great for if you just want easy, casual dating (nothing wrong with that in my opinion). I met a nice guy on there who I've been seeing for about 5 months.

I also have a "regular" dating site profile, which is nice because then you can say right in your profile "I have herpes!" You'd be surprised by the number of people who don't mind it at all.

[alexlee]

I think it is totally reasonable to go on okcupid or tinder, and just prepare to have the conversation before getting physical with the other person. Not including your health profile on okcupid is not lying... there is all sorts of personal information we wait to share with someone, and it's a profile - not your life story. Herpes is probably not the most interesting thing about her and people can be a lot more, well, human and kind than sometimes we expect. Being straight forward about it when it is an appropriate time - not on a first date - will be key.