The Disclosure Dance - with a former EMT

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Okay, so girl meets boy. Boy likes girl. Girl realizes she REALLY likes boy. But girl has a virus. Now girl needs to tell boy. Boy used to be an EMT though. So....hmmm......how to disclose this to someone with that training. Does it make it easier or does it make Boy test out how fast his sneakers really are.

 

So, I met a guy on eHarmony. Emailed and got along. Went on Date 1. Huge Chemistry. So huge it took him a few weeks to get his head around whether he was actually ready for the real deal. Okay, we finally went on Date 2 on Friday. Really Huge Chemistry. So.....now there is Date 3 tomorrow (he asked to see me before I left for the seminar...awwww). We were emailing tonight and we were talking about sex and I said that sex gets complicated when we get older and that we needed to have the whole sexual health talk because that's what grown ups do nowadays. Didn't he get the memo. He wrote back to say he wasn't sure what to say exactly. He's been fixed. How does one do a sexual health talk? I write back that it's a whole new world out there and there are things to talk about. I said I would teach how to have the sexual health talk and that it would be fun and he would thank me later. I said that after the talk he would realize how amazing I really am. I am trying to keep it light and fun. Then he reminds me he used to be an EMT. Oh right (I really should take notes...). Riiiight. How to handle the talk now..... I am honestly going to try to make it as fun and positive as I possibly can but there is that really insecure part of me that just wants to puke and hide. I think I will have to employ something similar to what I told my son when I told him how lucky he was to have the non-itchy kind of chicken pox. He believed me and hardly scratched and told people for years how he got the non-itchy kind. (Yes, that boy will need counselling after being my son). So, how to put a positive spin on "Hey, you are SO lucky because I have herpes and I know it". I am SO glad the seminar is this weekend. I will either be celebrating or be so grateful to have a positive experience to look forward to. Wish me luck and any suggestions on how to present to him how frickin lucky he is to have met ME would be more than welcome.

[cbk_always_honest]

I might have some insight on this. I am also a former EMT, and while those without the training have the idea that it was some ridiculously difficult deep medical training, it really isn't. I used to think the same before I was certified. Though there are different levels all the way up to paramedics. Each level entails more skills and knowledge, but STDs really don't enter the equation.

 

If I were in a similar situation I wouldn't assume that it would mean they know any more or less than the average person. The two of you have chemistry and that counts for a lot. Leverage that chemistry with a light hearted approach and it'll be just fine. You know the information and I have confidence that you'll do well. And he is lucky.

 

Btw, the worst part of EMT certification for me was the role playing practical skills testing. There's a time limit and I completed all tasks well under time. That meant sitting there with a guy in character and two others staring at me from behind clipboards who aren't allowed to speak... awkward.

 

:) CBK

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Thanks CBK. We do have incredible chemistry and we are able to just say it like it is. I am hoping that chemistry and a sense of humor will carry us through. God, I just cannot handle to see "The Look" on his face. It's the same look no matter who it is. It's gut wrenching. Hopefully I will be able to report that THIS TIME it was different. Honest to Dog, some days I just want to tattoo it on my forehead for the world to know so I don't have to have this conversation. This is building character....right? :)

 

I can't imagine the certification CBK. I did work on the distress line and our training was similar. Roleplaying is much more fun when there are high heels and restraints involved. LOL

 

Okay.....time to get this show on the road. Thanks again CBK!

 

Brenda

[cbk_always_honest]

Yes it's all about the character building. I've begun to wonder how much character is enough. I also now wonder what face I made when my ex girlfriend disclosed to me after the fact. I suppose it was one of wondering about how this would change things.

 

Though in the end no matter the expression we won't know the response until the conversation is over. I know that doesn't make it easier, but I try to draw strength from the knowledge I'm doing what is right by everyone. One of my plans now is to come up with some type of affirmation, a little self directed pep-talk that I can focus on each day. Maybe that'll help too.

 

:) CBK

 

 

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Well, we had the Dance. We had supper and then came back to my place. We poured a glass of wine and Matt said that we needed to have the "sexual health talk" and what did that entail. He made some jokes and we chatted and I fumbled a bit and he said he assumed I had something to tell him so I just said it outright. I have herpes. He didn't miss a beat. He said basically not a big deal and not a deal breaker. It's nothing to worry about. Let's move on. He said he was so sorry I had to go through the stress of telling him and he hugged me. Then we talked about where we were going from here since it was Date #3. We decided that we would stop seeing anyone else and see where this goes! Okay, could that have gone any better!!! Whew!! If all disclosures could go like that, life would be good. I am still scared that he will wake up and realize what it really means and vanish like smoke, but that is my insecurities talking. And even if he does, he gave me that gift of not getting "the Look" and of total acceptance. Wow. That's all I can say.

 

I love the idea of affirmations CBK. I have a few Louise Hay books of affirmations and I turn to random pages every morning to see what the "message of the day" is and it's funny how the messages are just what I need for that day. :) If you want to share affirmations, that would be awesome! Thanks again for your encouragement.

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Here are some affirmations from Louise Hay's newsletter today:

 

I am beautiful and everybody loves me.

I radiate acceptance, and I am deeply loved by others. Love surrounds me and protects me.

I choose to feel good—no matter what others say, think, or do.

I am so grateful for my beautiful life. I am cherished and loved by everyone.

I give to others all the things I wish to receive.

[lelani]

Wow Brenda...just clicked into this thread and reading through it I am so happy for you!! Enjoy every minute with this guy and keep up with those affirmations (got a few I am chanting too). It is hard when you think after telling someone that they will then take off in the future, but he doesn't sound like that is going happen. What a honey!

 

I have decided to get brave and start dating again too - lots of chatting and a couple of great connections - only they are both about 5 hours travel away from me :-(. We will see, its just nice to be out there again. My affirmation for today is:

 

I am open to receive love from the man who is perfect for me.

 

He sounds like he is perfect for you :-) xx

 

 

 

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Thanks lelani. Matt is an extraordinary man. Who knows what will ultimately come of things, but how things went yesterday really was a gift. He emailed me today and it sounds like he isn't running off any time soon. :) He is a honey.

 

Congrats on dating again! That is so awesome. I might change your affirmation to be in the present as if it has already happened. Maybe something like "I am grateful for the love from the right man who is perfect for me". I have heard a lot about talking "as if" and that power of that. Either way, it's a great affirmation!! I know the perfect man is already on his way to you. Just keep that beautiful heart of yours open to receiving the abundant blessings that are so rightly yours. :) xo

[lively]

Wow Whoopsi,, how wonderful. Congratulations on settling into your vulnerability and going about it the elegant way that you did....and so much chemistry between you, this is delicious. Every disclosure we make like this has us accept ourselves more, regardless of longterm outcome, + certainly shows that H just isn't that big a deal to some people....and they are the ones for us.

 

Lelani I wish you well stepping forward. Just getting into flirting and enjoying the sexual dance is fun, way before any thought of disclosing is even relevant. I am so glad you are giving yourself that pleasure again.