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My story: I got herpes from "Tim"


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My story began in 2005. I had been married at a young age to my high school sweetheart and divorced by age 22. When I was 24, I started dating again. I was set up on several dates by friends and I slept with a few guys that year. One, we'll call him Tim, was about 10 yrs older than me. We dated casually, neither of us were looking to get serious. We agreed not to see anyone else though, since we were having regular sex. I stayed the night at his house one night and he had gone to work that next morning. He had his computer on, and I couldn't help but see a Yahoo Messenger convo he had with a woman. It was apparent that he had met her just a few days before. I got angry and I confronted him. It turned out that he had slept with a few other women in the two months we had been dating. I ended things with him.


A few months later I met my second husband. We met in November and started having sex pretty much immediately. In January 2006, I had something going on with my lady parts. My best friend at the time worked for a gynecologist and she got me in to see him. He looked at it and diagnosed me with a possible soap or detergent allergy. He said it was not an STD. By the next day, I had obvious sores, so I went back to see him. He said, "Well things look different now, and this is clearly genital herpes." I had no job or health insurance at the time. He gave me a prescription for Valtrex, which was $300 to fill. I told my husband (then boyfriend) and he was very sympathetic. He was not angry and he didn't seem concerned that he would get it. I had my first outbreak approx 8 wks after we first had sex. I honestly do not know if I got it from the guy Tim I was seeing or from my husband. My husband had been in a long term relationship for 7 yrs and he had sex with one other woman before me. He offered to pay for my Valtrex, and my best friend told me she thought that was a sign of guilt, and that he may have known he gave it to me. Fortunately for him, after 7 yrs of regular sex, he never had an outbreak.


I have been fortunate as well, I had that first horrible outbreak, and I never had another one. I am healthy in general and I take care of myself and take vitamins and try to eat well.


I have one more part of my story. My best friend who worked for the gyno was dating a man at the time I was diagnosed with herpes. She began having issues down there and called me one day and said, "I think I have sores. Can you look at them and see if it is what your sores looked like?" She had been my best friend since childhood and was like a sister to me, so of course I looked at her vagina, LOL. What she had looked exactly like my herpes sores. We cried together and she made a doctor appointment. She saw her family doctor and he did not diagnose her with herpes. He told her it was bacterial vaginosis and gave her a prescription for antibiotics that cleared it up. She never had any other issues. I've always thought about that and how her sores looked just like mine. I have often thought, "Was I misdiagnosed?" I got pregnant in 2006, got married and delivered a healthy baby vaginally. I was given Valtrex at the end of my pregnancy. I never had any sores or outbreaks while pregnant. For what it's worth, the gynecologist who diagnosed me was kind of a quack who had been sued a few times for malpractice. He was only in practice in my state for 2 yrs. I have never taken any tests to confirm my diagnosis, perhaps I should.

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I'm sorry that you got herpes from lies and deceit. That's how I got herpes, too. My girlfriend at the time cheated on me. The way many people relate to having herpes (or how they relate to having relationships) in general contributes to the idea that herpes is a deceitful disease. It's not. It's a skin rash that has a huge stigma around it. It doesn't mean that you're all those deceitful things. Just because he passed herpes to you doesn't mean he passed all of his deceit and less-than-stellar personality flaws, too. And I get that you know that. But it doesn't hurt to reiterate that fact. :)


And it sounds like you have a great friend. Anyone who can look at my private parts as a favor is a good friend in my book. ;) Much love, Jem!

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