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About sex and herpes


silas

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My significant other and I both have hsv2, so I don't fear passing the virus between us. I am on suppressive therapy, he isn't. My sex drive has gone way down since getting the virus and mostly I feel like a complete germaphobe now.

 

The questions I ask will be personal, but, who else can I ask? I ask for experiences, input, etc..

 

In the recent months after getting diagnosed I felt I had to shower after sex, wash my hands, wash the sheets. It got to the point where I made sex less enjoyable for the both of us because I was so obsessed about being 'clean'.

 

I hate myself for the way I act because it's straining my relationship so badly.

 

How do I calm down and just relax and enjoy myself again?

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I feel your pain, Silas. And it hurts my heart to hear you say you hate yourself for the way you act. I see it as a natural reaction to the overwhelming stigma our society has placed on our shared skin condition. I felt the same way when I first got herpes: I'm contagious! Everyone within a 5-foot radius of me will get herpes if I so much as sneeze! And after coming to understand all of the basics of how people get herpes, I stopped being so paranoid. Because what I knew about it and believed about it became more powerful and true for me than the general societal perspective on it. Sometimes that kind of perspective shift takes time to adopt for yourself. And sometimes it takes a moment to make the decision for yourself.

 

And the question you ask at the end may be the answer that you're seeking. Educate yourself to the point where you realize there's nothing to worry about. Then you get to calm down. Relax. Enjoy your life again. Sometimes it's the intention that you set for yourself that is the most powerful part. And again, I hear your pain. I feel it. And I feel for you. I want you to be happy. And I also want you to be true to yourself and honor whatever process it is that you're going through.

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