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conflicted situation and new outlook


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I have not visited this site in quite a while- during that time I have felt and thought much less about my genital type one herpes. Although visiting this site helps, it also reminded me of my hsv. However, I am back and have a scenario where I would like some opinions. I will sum up the details, but I have disclosed in my past to a guy who I was casually seeing for a year (never had intercourse sex or oral)- but wanted to empower myself by telling him. He reacted amazingly, but it wasnt long after that he disappeared. That is ok, but I did it for myself. Now, I am seeing this different guy who is extremely amazing and we have a very strong connection beyond any causal guy or fling I have had in college. Unfortunately he is from a different state than me and we are graduating college in four months so an official relationship status is on the rocks for now. We are still seeing each other and have hooked up a couple times. We were drunk and I do not know why I did, but allowed him to go down on me. I tried to stop him, but it was in the moment and I felt so guilty about it that i felt symptoms of an outbreak that next week of which i suppressed with some valtrex. I have no had an outbreak since my initial which was now 1 year and a half ago (lucky me), but i have had a couple scares due to severe stress. I was thinking about it and what I have is technically the same as cold sores just on a different location. I would not expect him to tell me "hey i have cold sores so if i kiss you or go down on you be careful." so why is it that us unlucky hsv 1 genital people have to reveal ourselves if we take preventative measures. I have disclosed before and am now the kind of person who feels it is very important, but do I really have to tell this guy? We are not in an official relationship so I do not plan to have sex with him and even if we did it would be protected. I don't want to let him go down on me too much more because of the guilt- or do you think if I just take valtrex when I know we are going to hook up? I am on the fence about this- I am not sure what to do this time. It is difficult since this guy knows almost everything about me- and before herpes ate me up inside with the other guy and with him for some reason I see past it as it doesn't affect my life as much as time has gone on. I have no physical reminders much ever and emotionally I am completely over my giver and have moved on so much since then- herpes does not define me as a person and I think before it still felt like a HUGE part of who I was.

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I agree with Adrial. Read your post as if someone else were writing it about you and see what that feels like. Your friend may surprise you by his reaction and you may be robbing him of the opportunity to show his true capacity for acceptance and caring. Only you know what feels right for you though. :) Sometimes people surprise you in a very good way.

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