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I found out few days ago that I have genital herpes type 1

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I feel horrible i am recently married and i had no idea i had it my first outbreak was three years ago but the doc din ask me to test he gave a med and it went.. thinking m clean got married and this disaster.. my husband hes a poor soul he has taken it well he is upset and lost, doc asked him to get checked i may have given him we performed oral as well so not sure about that. I am feeling most miserable that i gave him and i dont know what to do just feel like killing myself i can never live with this guilt.. plus hes very close to his family he may tell them i have not told my family yet. Should i tell them? I stayed with my family does it means they have got as well..

plz guys help i am lost and i dont know what to do i recently got married.. i just cant take it am loosing it.

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Hello and Welcome!


First ... BREATHE!!!! This is not the disaster you are making it out to be.


So - HSV1 is the Herpes virus that most associate with "cold sores'. 80% of the population has "Cold sores" ... and 80% of them don't know they carry the virus because they are asymptomatic. 60% of all young people have Oral HSV1 by the time they are young adults ... usually caught from another kid or a doting adult with a cold sore....


You very most likely got it from someone through Oral Sex ... the virus sheds a LOT more on the mouth than it does on the genitals


Shedding rates:

HSV-1 genital 3-5% of the time

HSV-1 oral 9-18%


So - the "good" news is that you have the same one that 80% of the population has (you husband has a GOOD chance of already carrying it orally... so it's a good idea to get him blood tested... if he comes out HSV1+, the odds are he's had it all along). The other "good" news is that it sheds FAR less on the genitals so your risk of passing it to him is very low.... and if he already carries the antibodies to it, his risk is even lower.


Now, as far as the rest of your family ... uh - noooooo... you can't pas it to them ... you have it on your GENITALS ... so unless you have sexual contact with someone, you are 100% safe ... you don't have to worry about cleaning the toilet after you go, or whatever ... because even if the area came in contact with the seat the virus dies quickly once it is outside of the body. So you can breathe easy there..... again, those who have it orally have a lot more to worry about ... and even so, it's just a matter for them to be cautious about sharing things like lip gloss and kissing with an outbreak .... (I know, I've lived with HSV1 orally since I was 4 ... and never passed it to anyone that I know of in my 53 yrs)....


And finally, the experts actually believe that very, very few, if any people with HSV1 genitally pass it asymptomatically on to others (ie, you just want to be very careful of not having sex when you have an outbreak or definite prodromes/symptoms). Because it sheds so little, and because men don't get it as easily as we women do, your risk, without anti-virals, is likely less than 2% risk .. id: you have as good or better chance of getting pregnant on Birth Control :)


And here is a conversation about oral sex ;)




You will be fine - it's not your fault that your first Dr didn't explain things to you better ... that they just gave you the meds and didn't tell you about the facts ... so stop beating yourself up. There are tons of discordant couples out there where the partner never gets the virus ... with a little caution and education, you can easily be in that group :)




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Oh - so you have Oral herpes ... but not genital??


No, that's not "bad" ... it's common as hell! Like I said, 80% of people have it ... I've had it nearly my whole life.... it's just a matter of taking some precautions ...


Remember, 80% of people don't know they have it ...and they unwittingly pass it to their partners (usually genitally ... because teens and young folk often forego genital sex believing that oral sex is "safer" for causal relationships not knowing that they are likely carrying the Herpes virus orally and that it can be passed to the genitals).


So - you have herpes on your MOUTH - so you can hug, touch, and even have regular sex all you want - just don't kiss him while you have the outbreak ...


You both need to get educated about the facts ... your hubby needs to get tested because odds are he has it too. If he doesn't, then he has to figure out his comfort level as far as risk ... and YOU need to figure out how far you want to go with regards to possibly taking the anti-virals to reduce outbreaks. Personally, given you went 3-4 yrs without an OB, I'd say see if you can knock this OB down and get it to go into latency again.... and just be VERY careful around oral sex (more-so than kissing ... IMO your ex likely has kissed others or been exposed to HSV1 orally by other kids so if he didn't get it by now, he may have some natural immunity there .. but be careful with oral sex... don't mess around if you have anything that resembles your current OB or if he has any nicks/etc from shaving...



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