First date in over a year!!

[lelani]

Ok...I got brave again (god it's taken me a while!) and decided if I didn't want to be left on the shelf I would have to do something about it and fast...it's been over a year since my last relationship ended (ironically I disclosed and he had it too - what a find! But he hadn't got over his ex and we mutually ended it...I think ex's have more to answer for than H lol!).

 

It's been a year of pretending to love being independent (was happily alone for 5 years prior to H, by choice) when I really would like to have someone special. Friends have found someone, got married and I was still holding back because of H. Well...after christmas I decided no more! (and thanks Brenda for that great tweak to my finding the perfect man affirmation!). Despite just having an episode right on Christmas I sucked it in and signed up on an online dating site (because I won't date colleagues, customers or dance partners -seen that get messy).

 

I wrote a great profile and instead of sitting back waiting I picked out (god I could only find two who I liked!) I said hi and after some conversations realised neither of them were great guys but not for me. Then this guy messaged me and straight away I liked him, we are into the same work and activities, we 'get' each other and I can feel his good energy hugely (bit like us lot - actually he reminds me a lot of you Adrial ;-) ).

 

We are in contact every day and its nice and he's lovely and we have both decided we have to meet. So I am taking a leap of faith and we are having a date next week. He lives about 6 hours away (in one of the most beautiful places in the country!) so we are meeting in the middle in my favourite city by the sea and we are going to dance (he dances too!!!!) for two days!

 

I am going to have to disclose to him sooner than later so I am planning how to say it and when to say it (knowing it most likely won't happen that way lol). Yeah I am anxious because I have a gut feeling about this guy and I don't want to loose him...but I also know he is the kind of guy where it won't be a deal breaker (and yeah I could be wrong!). But I am going to make a wonderful connection with a really special guy and I am just letting go of the outcome (I'm saying this now but there will be doubtful moment of freaking out between now and then I'm sure!).

 

I wanted to write this because we get so caught up in being afraid of disclosing we loose sight of possibilities and hold ourselves back. I'm not holding back this time and I'll let you know how it goes. I've got everything crossed it will got beautifully (well I hope eventually not everything ;-) )...this is a test of his character and I am sure he will pass with flying colours.

 

I accepted someone totally with H...and now I hope someone does that with me :-). Watch this space ;-)!

 

 

[Judith]

Hi lelani,

 

yes you brave girl, i wish you a really great night out.If you already have this wonderful connection to that guy ,i am sure that he will accept the H.You are beautiful woman and this stigma will have no chance against you. ( By the way your new pictures looks awesome).i never went on datingsite but maybe i should try that too :) after 30 there are not much nice man left hehe.what kind of music you dance too ( salsa???)I have been in new zealand , which city do you mean?And can i ask you if you still take the anti virales or did you stopped them after your last outbreak on chrismas?I am only asking because i am not sure if will take some in future, i am bit better but would like to have your opinion...did it changed a lot your situation with herpes.

Anyway i wish you great dancing night with that guy....good luck , let us know how it went

Besos Judith

[mr_hopp]

I feel giddy reading this, Lelani! I'm so, SO excited for you. I hear the healthy fear in it. And my whole body is alive just considering the possibility of this for you. I'm literally buzzing right now. And like you said, regardless of what happens, you will have a unique relationship with this person. If it's meant to be romantic, it will end up romantic. If it's meant to be that you two are in each other's lives for another purpose, it will end up that way, too. And I love that you're wanting this and going for it. I hear the conviction and I feel the desire in your heart. Feeling like it's you standing up for your own heart wanting to be held and wanting to be loved. And that feels so good. I can't wait to connect with you soon.

[lelani]

Hey you two :-) thanks so much for the support!xxxx

 

I'm feeling giddy too Adrial...he really is a very special guy. And yes that's exactly how I see it...it doesn't have to be romantic to have a really deep connection with a guy and I am lucky enough to have that with a handful of them. With this one I am just hoping it might be more (and yes I want to be loved - makes me tearful reading that so I know I want my heart held.:-). If not I want him in my life regardless as a friend.

 

Hi Brenda! xxx Yeah try the online thing. It's a great way of sussing someone out for a bit...I have'nt had a bad experience using a dating site, but then I am really picky (forget about H or anything like it - a fat ego, disrespect and stupidity are my dealbreakers lol!). I am pretty (nicely ) ruthless in who I actually date. As for the antivirals...I'm taking them and not worrying about it now. I have never used drugs for anything, even serious health stuff, so was a big thing for me. But I am glad I am on them for now...it's helping with dating, I'm feeling more responsible and less likely to pass it on if I get to that point with someone.

 

You've been to NZ?! Hope you had a great time! We are meeting up in Wellington...I love it, great bars (for endless dancing lol). It is a national holiday that day so there is live music all along the waterfront! I do Ceroc and he does Argentine Tango...and both of us are all night dancers - it's going to be a blast!!!

 

I will so let you know how it goes! :-)

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Good luck Lelani. Like Adrial, I have goosebumps! If he is a smart man, he will look right past that virus and into your beautiful soul and realize what an amazing treasure you are. I am glad I could help with your affirmation. :)

 

I have a story to share as well about online dating. Not sure where it will go just yet, but it proves that there are people out there who realize that it's just a skin condition and nothing more. Hopefully your New Guy will be one of them. I am on eHarmony and on there you start by sharing quetions that you choose from a list. You go back and forth a few times and then the last set of questions you can either choose from a list or make up your own. So, I met this guy who is an EMT and as one of my questions I asked him if herpes was a deal breaker. I figured after my last positive experience with someone with that training, I had a shot. I asked him and his answer was that it was only a deal breaker if someone didn't disclose. So, when we exchanged our first email I said I asked that beause I have herpes. He said it was no big deal! We have been exchanging emails all week and oh my God, he is so damn sweet. I am REALLY hoping I can meet him because I really really like this one. If not, well, I have another positive disclosure to override the negative ones, thus proving that herpes is not a big deal and that there are iintelligent people who can see past a virus and to the person standing before them. :)

 

Please allow us hold a wonderful loving space for you and your beloved when you disclose. I look forward to hearing how fabulously it went!!! I am so so happy for you!!

 

Brenda xooxo

[Judith]

hi,

well if my chinese project dont work then i will try anti virales too...i am bit scared of it because i had to took so much medicin in my live already but thanks for your sugestion...maybe its the only help at the end :) i will try if nothing else help.Yeah i have been to welligton and i have to say it was coolder then aywhere else in NZ (ggggggggggggggr) but it was really really relly beautiful......lost all my money in this playhole (arcade????)in town and airport :( and i had the spiciead idian food i ever had...lelani i cant suggest you will go there for your first date :):)this woulnt end well :) but i hope you have great time.......and maybe i will try online dating once, will see....but maybe i am to shy :) big big luck and hug

 

 

[lelani]

Hahaha Judith - yeah it can get cold there....at the moment its hot and the weather is beautiful. Its a national celebration day and live music throughout the city - best place for a couple of hard out dancers ;-)! As for the anti virals...I am only taking them because I want to be ready if I do get intimate with someone (no - WHEN I do ;-) ). I don't know if they are stopping me from having episodes as I have only had a couple in the last 6 months and I could directly relate them to my period (the only two I had in that time!). I don't like taking medication but I am doing it to be responsible, and it's helping me feel more confident about being with someone.

 

Go Brenda!!!!! I'm holding you in a loving space too! I have been skyping with my new man every chance we get and we text and email too - and he is beautiful and sweet and funny. We already have a great friend connection...and both are open to more so roll on Wednesday!! We are going to be dancing to everything! - he's teaching me Argentine Tango and I'm teaching him Ceroc, and we both love clubbing so it going to be the best couple of days and nights!

 

Try online...its actually easier if you are a bit shy. You get to suss them out and then there are a few things to talk about when you meet. I would recommend it to anyone, just don't take it seriously and have a great time meeting new guys!

 

Gotta go...! Sending hugs to you all :-) xx

 

[lively]

Lelani I'm so excited about this for you!

 

I've been online dating for 3 years now, have met some great guys, 4 in all, none right for the longterm, and one did say no thanks after disclosure, but all great guys who I was appreciative of meeting. I learned a lot from all of those relationships, most particularly how great a woman I am.

 

My latest guy, who accepted H in seconds, and I are not going so well because of the distance, we have 8 hours, and his work, he's a farmer....has about half a day off a fortnight.....but nothing to do with H.

 

I highly recommend online dating, it's great learning about life and men even before contact; and as Lelani says, you can do lots of sussing first. Be picky!! you deserve who you really want. One of the great things about online is that you meet men you would NEVER have met otherwise, especially the long distance ones, even if it's ultimately too hard.

 

Have the best time Lelani, just meeting a special man is wonderful regardless of the outcome. Much love + big hug!

[DrSuz]

Way to go, Lelani. You deserve a beloved and to dance and play in your natural joyful self. Enjoy the moments together and remember how awesomely lovable you are. (I am making up words again!! ) :-)

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

So happy for you, my sweet friend! [Told you so!]

 

:D

 

Sending you so much love.

K