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I need to have the herpes talk, but it has been a very long time....


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Hi All

 

I am a 49 yo woman who has had H since I was 23. Back then, it was absolutely horrifying for me. I remember all of those feelings so well. I had only two sexual partners before that, and could not believe what happened to me. I have had the talk only once. With my husband. He accepted me, and loved me anyway. So, we dated for 5 years and I married him. Now, after 25 years, we have decided to separate. I have met someone who I am totally attracted to, and he is attracted to me too. We talk on the phone and chat daily and really enjoy his company when we get together. I cannot think of anything more wonderful than enjoying a sexual relationship with him. I have not told him anything yet, and have no idea how he will take my secret. Things are starting to heat up, and I cannot keep putting it off. I am terrified. Thoughts?

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@lilac1121

I have been where you are. After years with the same man I found myself back in the dating world and it felt like I was starting from scratch. Even though I had the virus for many years, I now had to disclose again..... it was excruciating!!!! BUT I put on my big girl panties and pulled the trigger. I offered information, I offered my experiences and my story. I put myself out there 100% and I rolled the dice. It's really the only choice we have. Scary as hell but you will survive regardless of the outcome. Just be open and honest. Listen and be patient if he has questions and concerns. Be prepared for any outcome but don't anticipate the worst.... after all.... it worked out pretty well the last time right ;)

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@lilac1121

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

One of the best things you can do is read all the Success Stories that you can on here...they will give you inspiration, hope, and ideas of how to approach it .... AND ... read the links below ... I firmly believe that Herpes is a great Wingman (sounds nuts, I know ... but read the links and you'll understand!) ... so if you can approach the disclosure with that understanding, you can see it as a litmus test about who he REALLY is, how he deals with tough situations, and whether he into YOU, or if he want's to GET INTO you :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

 

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@fitgirl, kinder & WCs Dancer - Thank you so much for your support. I watched all the videos and took your advice. I had the disclosure talk. It could not have gone better! I told him I something important to talk to him about, and told my brief story. I asked him if he knew much about it and he said "no". I gave him a brief run down of what it is, and offered to answer any questions about my experience with it, and anything he wanted to know about my health. He asked me a few questions and what he needed to know to be safe, and then I waited for the ax to fall....

 

He looked at me, and said "so what you are telling me is that you have this virus that sucks, and you want me to know about it so that I dont get it?" I said "Yes." He said "Thank you for telling me." He waited a bit, and said, "What? Did you think this was a deal breaker?" and I said "yes" and he said "Nope. No way" :)

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