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After stalking this website all weekend, I had THE TALK


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I recently started seeing a guy and so far we've only been on 3 dates. But during that time, we've opened up about childhoods, family, past relationships, even our religion. And as I felt our relationship growing I immediately had fear of telling him the one thing no one knows: I have HSV-2.

I am in the middle of a divorce to a man I married almost 7 years ago. 5 years ago I had my first outbreak and when I nervously went to speak to my husband about it, he broke down, saying he knew he had it but couldn't tell me. I was angry and devastated all at the same time.

Flash forward to now: I have my virus under control and am informed but I strayed away from dating anyone not infected for fear of rejection. I used popular dating sites for people with STIs and thought I would "keep to my own kind".

Then I met him and felt scared and confused about having to possibly have "the talk".

 

All weekend, I stalked this website; reading submissions of disclosure, success and rejection stories, and watched every encouraging video that Adrial had to offer. Lastly, I told myself I needed to practice by telling someone else.

I phoned my best friend and revealed to her my deep, dark secret and spoiler alert: she comforted me and told me that she was only sorry I felt I couldn't tell her sooner! I told her how I intended on telling her and was still unsure of the "right time".

She just comforted me and encouraged me that I was being a caring, responsible adult and that if he couldn't accept it, it wasn't a knock on me, it was a knock on him.

So yesterday, we met at the bookstore. I felt like it was public but still few enough people for us to be alone and the perfect place to do some research reading together if need be. My speech went something like this: "I am enjoying spending time with you. You're so easy to talk to and allow me to open up about myself. It's encouraging and I want to share more about me with you. Five years ago I contracted Herpes from my husband at the time. Yesterday I told my best friend and now I'm telling you. I know it sounds scary but the transmission rate is actually quite low and I would never want to put you at risk so that's why I am telling you now. I want our relationship to progress and feel me being honest and mentioning this sooner, rather than later puts you in the driver's seat to determine the next move." Then I sobbed. I was fine till I stopped speaking but as soon as the last word left my mouth, the flood gates opened.

He hugged me and said "this doesn't change the fact that when I look at you I feel like I'm melting inside. You are so brave for telling me and I appreciate your honesty!" Then he said something I didn't expect: "I have HPV. Not sure when or how I got it but I have it and have never told anyone. I've avoided sex since my ex bc she and I had it but I didn't want to risk anyone else getting it" and my heart danced inside!

 

So if I have any words of wisdom, it's this: be brave, be honest. Practice by telling someone that won't judge you and will be comforting and just be yourself.

 

Xoxo Kristina

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