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Venting, but needing advice/support


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It has been about 3 weeks since I was diagnosed with HSV-2. I've found that the struggle is real. I am still in the pissed/angry/sad stage. I have good and bad days, but mostly bad days; that is emotionally. Luckily my outbreak cleared up in about a week. But the emotional toll is what has been the worst part. I've read on here that this is common to feel this way, I'm just not sure how to overcome it. I thought I was starting to deal with it better; until I had to face reality.

I am 20 years old and have always been an outgoing person with many friends. I've struggled with depression before, but have always been really good about hiding it. I'm a pretty private person and tend not to open up and share my feelings and emotions with others. I'm the type that likes to hide behind a smile. After being diagnosed I have started to fade again. Not many of my friends know and I cry myself to sleep most nights because I feel like my life has changed so much. I think the hardest thing also is that I am hiding myself behind fake happiness when I am really falling apart inside. The past 6 months have been the hardest of my life, for various reasons. It's hard to get up in the mornings sometimes. As I said before, I am young and I am in my sophomore year of college. I have never been the relationship type, aka yes I've slept with a few people which is what lead to getting H. I contracted it from a boy who I was just hooking up with, never did I think it would lead to this. This is where I get angry, because my campus is very small and I have to see him everywhere I go. At least I think I contracted it from him. We used to talk all the time and the last time we had sexual relations he stopped talking to me immediately which is when I think I received it from him. He won't speak to me or talk to me, which leads me to believe that he may know. That is where my anger comes from. I'm angry with him for giving this to me. I'm angry because I was finally moving in the right direction with my past depression and this has caused a major setback. And I'm sad because I feel so lost, and have so many questions. I'm sad because I feel ashamed of myself for getting put in this position. I know eventually I will get back to the old me, but it's hard to see that right now. Which leads to the part that has made this week suck majorily.

I started to think that I was possibly getting to the good days, until this weekend when I had the chance to be with a boy that I have been with before and have had feelings for. He made the move and I was so excited, until I remembered I have H now. I stopped the hooking up and pretended I was tired and wanted to go to bed. We went to bed, but I was scared to even be naked around him because of the possibility of him getting H from me. I enjoyed being with this boy before and I know he has enjoyed being with me. I think this really hit me hard because as bad as it sounds, I'm realizing I can't be the "college" girl I was before. I know this is supposed to be a good thing, but right now I can't see that. I don't want to be in a relationship, I want to continue having fun because I am no where near ready for a relationship but now I feel like I can't be that girl anymore, but I also don't see anyone wanting me either. No one wanted me before I had H so I don't see someone wanting me when I do have it. Emotionally I'm breaking apart but no one knows. My three closest friends know but they don't understand and sometimes I feel like I can't talk to them about things. Although they have been super supportive I just know they can't relate to me. I know this was kind of pessimistic, and I really do believe one day I will be okay with things, I just hope that day is sooner rather than later.

Sorry this was completely just a venting post, but if anyone has any comments, or advice on how to reach a better place emotionally, feel free to comment. I'm open to listening to what people have to say and stories that may be similar to mine. I'm new to all this and need all the help I can get so I don't go insane.

Thank you.

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What you are feeling is completely normal you are on a roller coaster with highs and lows. To hear you say you will be ok speaks volumes about you and who you are, as much as you feel isolated and alone this will pass, you will overcome these feelings but only time can heal this. I understand you not wanting a relationship but this does not mean you should isolate yourself and this guy that you like why not just try dating and leave the sex side out of it until you have had time to deal with being H+. Trust me if you spend time here and talk with as many people as you can this will help you recover from the feelings you have now. Take time to learn about yourself and who you are, stay active and don't lock yourself away remember this only a skin condition not a death sentence. I'm know 30 years on being H+ and can tell you that life is yours to take. Stand up and make yours a success in whatever you want to be. ;)

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Wow, I can really relate to your story, only difference is I'm a guy and my "assume" giver is from another college. I'm relatively new to posting comments but I've been looking to this website for reassurance for the last 3 months when i was diagnosed on MLK day. I read your story and felt so much connection between your story and mine. I'm also quite different on relationships. I'm a pretty serious guy when it comes to relationships. I give 110% to anybody i have built trust with. Unluckily for me the trust I gave was blinded. I can truly say everything will be okay. If you have you have God and family as your support cast you can make it through the day. Life is full of risk, that's with anything we do. If you need anyone to talk too, I'm here since we're both "newbies" we can vent to each other.

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Thank you @kiwiguy I've been reading and talking to a lot of people and I'm becoming more informed. Like I said I've been having good and bad days, but today feels like a good day :) Thank goodness I found this website or I have no idea what I would be feeling. Everyone has been extremely supportive and helpful. Thank you.

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@looking4answrspls

 

Hello and Welcome ..

 

Got to keep this short - have to get ready to go out so I will come back to this ... but I want to point out one thing to you... you say

 

I want to continue having fun because I am no where near ready for a relationship but now I feel like I can't be that girl anymore, but I also don't see anyone wanting me either. No one wanted me before I had H so I don't see someone wanting me when I do have it.

 

Yet you say

 

I started to think that I was possibly getting to the good days, until this weekend when I had the chance to be with a boy that I have been with before and have had feelings for. He made the move and I was so excited, until I remembered I have H now.

 

So I don't think it's fair to say that "noone wanted you" before Herpes ... obviously at least a few guys did!! You see how easy it is to let something like this change your view to the most pessimistic POV???

 

I have to go - but I suggest that you read as many Success Stories as you can this weekend ... MANY are from young people in their 20's. I got H at 17 ... I'm 53, have 2 grown daughters and I've had a GREAT life. I'm being pursued right now by a guy who has known from day 1 that I have H (I'm 100% out and so I have my status in my dating profiles) ... he said he read up on it and he's cool with it. Now, before we get intimate I will sit him down and make sure he really understands everything, but I want you to see that H won't stop a man who is into YOU from wanting to be with you :)

 

Some reading homework for you :)

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/dating-online-my-personal-experience-with-being-out-and-proud/

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial

 

 

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