How the date went...how he took the disclosure...

[lelani]

My first date in over a year..the culmination of being brave and going online to meet someone. I was nervous about telling him about not only H but HPV as well but my intuition told me he would accept me (though I have to say the intuition was a tad shaky!). We were meeting in a city half way between where we both lived and had talked about being respectful, not having expectations and feeling thankful about a lovely connection and letting go of the outcome. Both being dancers we knew we would have an amazing time dancing and even that would have been enough...But it ended up being so much more in every way.

 

I did the whole 'when do i tell him'...'how do i say it' freak outs beforehand and got stronger about it and I found myself switching into the 'I won't let myself get close' mode.. We were keeping in contact every way we could the week before and skyping was great...I really really liked him and tell he liked me. That fear of rejection kept popping up the more I liked him...I didn't sleep the night before I met him.

 

I picked him up from the airport...and my heart jumped when I saw him, I knew instantly this man was amazing. And he was...we had the most awesome day exploring the city together, talking non stop and sharing a lot of really intimate stuff about ourselves - did tell him there was more for me (and he said we had a couple of days to share stuff so just when I was ready!). We danced till the wee hours and there was obviously a connection....then back at the hotel it was crunch time. I didn't expect that anything would happen in terms of intimacy because we had both said we wanted to take it slowly...but there was an attraction and I needed to tell him about me. It was really late but I couldn't go to sleep without talking about it. I practiced in my head again while he was in the shower....wasn't going to cry, was going to be factual and objective. Bah!!!! How do you do that???? I couldn't!

 

He slipped into bed and took my hand, kissed it and thanked me for the most amazing day...Oh God now I was going to ruin it! But it was then or never so I said I needed to share the stuff I had mentioned...I couldn't get it out, took deep breaths, tried not to cry. He just held my hand tighter and told me it was ok and to take my time...Awhh lovely man :x

So I told him...how I got them, what it has been like, what my fears were in telling him, what it would mean for him if he wanted to be with me. He pulled me close, kissed my forehead, told me I was amazing and just held me. We didn't have sex but that night was one of the most intimate in my life and I felt cherished and accepted.

 

The next day we shopped in the city, talked all day, started holding hands (it was so sweet), he taught me the basics of Tai Chi by the sea - I traded him a massage for a Tai Chi body workout. We talked about EVERYTHING in our pasts and the connection was amazing. We danced til late that night and snuggled and talked until we slept...and until then hadn't even kissed (I kept avoiding it because I didn't want to get too close in case in the morning he decided he couldn't deal with H - he did notice lol and had decided to wait til I was ready). During the night things got a little heated and I couldn't cope so pulled away..he held me again (and apologised for not being sensitive!...I felt totally understood and accepted).

 

The next morning I didn't trust myself to even touch him I was so wound up lol...I got up and showered. Once I had my clothes on I felt more in control and we had a good laugh about the things you have to do sometimes to maintain a boundary that feels right to you. Later in the morning he asked about the H's and we had another big discussion about it...and then he kissed me. It was the most amazing thing and he said we would work it out and he wanted to be with me. All the fear just slipped away...and we had the most beautiful day together talking about a possible future, taking it slow, doing it right, letting go of expectations and trusting the universe will make it a happen if we are meant to be together. I didn't have sex with this man but we made love for three days in it's purest sense and it was the sweetest experience I have ever had with a man.

 

This is long but I wanted to tell you because I know how hard it is to disclose to someone you don't want to loose. And it's also important to know that intimacy isn't about sex...its about connection, respect and feeling understood and cherished. This man shared all those things with me and I found someone who totally accepts me. He gets asthma...and snores sometimes and we decided that my H's aren't any where near as annoying on those a daily basis lol. I accepted someone with H and that's how I got it....it is amazing to have someone do the same for me. So if you are feeling like it can never happen - it can :-) xx

[Bobby1187]

Wow, awesome story! Thanks for taking the time to share. These kind of stories always help to hear. Good luck with your new romance!

[mr_hopp]

I AM SO EXCITED, LELANI! So proud, so blissed out, so feeling good, so better get an invite to the wedding. ;) And regardless of what happens, I love that you got the love and acceptance you deserve. I love that idea that you made love fore 3 days without having sex. That is beautiful. And I know EXACTLY what you mean. Sounds like an amazing guy. And bravo for your courage and your heart. I love that he is the kind of guy who can see past a few Hs. ;) So much love for you! So much! Keep us up to date, promise?

[SassyNatty82]

Lelani, that's amazing!!!! I'm so happy for you and hope it continues to blossom. 8->

[Atlantic]

This is excellent news and super inspiring to me. Lelani, I am so glad for this outcome for you. I really hope it continues, and you are able to achieve your desired outcome with the relationship.

What a sweet story. This is especially timely for me, because interestingly, things have been heating up with an online dating match who lives 8 hours away from me (sound familiar, LOL). This guy and I have been talking, texted throughout the past week, and there is a definite connection and a lot in common. I am encouraged to actually try with this one, despite all the challenges of distance and H. :)

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Lelani, Thank you SO much for sharing your weekend in such detail. I was SO hoping things would work out for you. You are such a beautiful soul and you so deserve to have the love of a deserving man. I am SO happy he could see past a few Hs to the beautiful, amazing, loving person that you are. I pray that this continues and grows into something long term and fulfilling. What a fantastic start! That kind of intimacy you shared with your new beau comes from the heart and soul. It sounds like a match made in heaven. Keep us posted!!!

 

Like Atlantic, I have my own "moment of truth" this weekend. I am hoping it goes as well. Met last Saturday with zero expectations on my part. Talked for 3 1/2 hours. He asked me out on Monday and that went really well. He is coming over for supper tomorrow. I am actually cooking for him. I haven't cooked for a man in well over a year since my divorce and I am happy to do it. My heart is open and receptive (and the rest of me is scared to death!!!).

 

Again, keep us posted. i wish you all the very very best!!

 

Brenda xo

[lively]

Lelani how beautiful, I'm so pleased for you and so in awe of your authenticity moment by moment with this man. You deserve every happiness this promises. It's hard to imagine a more lovely start to a new chapter post all the upset you have been through; or a more beautiful spirit for this to happen for. Much love, enjoy the unfolding of the beauty within that you have found, as well as the new connection. Like all of us, I wish you every success. Thankyou so much for reporting in such detail. It will make such a difference to those who have not yet found an accepting partner. Much love to you.

[Judith]

Hi Lelani,

 

thanks for sharing....i am really happy that it went out so well for you.Excately you done love over that days without having sex....you shared your time together and yeah its so much more important if you have connection....it show us all that are still so much nice people out there. I am really proud of you ,i hope i will be so stromg like you for my first date.I wish you the best darling...when i read your story ,it maked me smiling...it maked me happy.Besos Judith

[lelani]

Atlantic and Brenda...I'm with you all the way. You can do it...focus on the connection, respect and understanding what it is like for who you disclose to to receive what you are saying. I cried, I couldn't get the words out right and missed some facts in my blundering...but I looked into his eyes and understood what it would be like for him at the same time - that's connection.

 

Two days later....we are both in awe of the magical and loving time we had and I have no doubt how much I mean to him. What will happen in the future we don't know...he may be moving to Australia...so it could be a bitter sweet love if I cant follow. But for now its wonderful and sweet and has moved us beyond what we imagined.

 

So take the risk..you can loose people for all sorts of reasons other than H. And feeling empowered with disclosing is about your intention, your empathy for who you are telling and being authentic. You can't control their response but you can appreciate and love yourself in the telling...the right person will appreciate and love you too. xx