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REJECTED...


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....and it was her, not me.

 

I just came home from my worst and shortest date EVER!! This girl contacted me on Match last week and from the very beginning it felt off. She called me this afternoon and asked if I wanted to meet up. I had nothing better going for the night so (reluctantly) agreed. We met up and walked to a bar. From the very beginning it felt awkward and difficult to keep a conversation going, which is never a problem for me if I find the person interesting. We got to the bar and I was already planning my exit strategy. After giving up on trying to have a meaningful conversation with her I started texting all kinds of folks to hint at my disinterest. She kept asking me if I asked any other girls in the bar, but I said no. There were LOTS of hotties in the bar and in my pre H days I probably would have been eying around a lot more, but not tonight.

 

She finally walked off to some other dudes and I saw my chance to get out. I walked up to her and told her this wasn't working and that I was leaving. No protest what so ever from her, so off I went.

 

In my pre H days I might have stuck around and tried a bit harder to get a connection, with the end goal of taking her home just to have some fun. Tonight, no. H to rescue, one can say.

 

No real point here, but the fact that just because we carry H doesn't mean we need to lower our own standards. I sure as hell aint. It might not be so easy getting the prettiest girl in the bar any more (not that I ever really did) but (sorry to generalize all you pretty ladies here, hopefully my experience doesn't include you as pre H), those with gorgeous looks are often so superficial they would have a hard time accepting H or any other "deficiency" one might have.

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@ihaveittoo1975

You are completely right.... often the "pretty" people of both genders are more superficial because that is the world they live in and they don't always elevate themselves beyond that. Truth is.... many of those people have huge insecurities and rely on their looks as the foundation of relationships. Clearly, looks don't last forever and even when you are physically beautiful, you get annoying and unattractive over time if you are ignorant and shallow (in my experience). Herpes is just allowing you to learn that lesson sooner than later. After all, how many hot people end up divorced and fighting over money and houses...just as many "average" people actually... shallow is shallow. Looks or not, you need to hold yourself to a higher standard. You will attract what you project. Be a good person with depth and you will eventually attract the same.

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Funny you mention divorce and that many happens to beautiful people too. My divorce papers will be signed this coming Monday. Me and my soon ex were always considered (not bragging here, just what others always told us) a very beautiful couple. My ex was a model at young age and always worked in the fashion industry. I have never received complaints regarding my looks either. :) I still got tired of her, although she is not anything like the pretty people @fitgirl mentions. In fact, even after my dx she was hoping I would go back to her. There were other things causing our divorce.

 

I still hope to eventually end up with someone I consider pretty/beautiful, but when I am out in a bar or rowsing Match.com I always think, "nah, she's really pretty and probably won't be ok with H". I wish I didn't think that way, but I do. Maybe that will change with time. Before I would not allow myself to be held back like that.

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In my pre H days I might have stuck around and tried a bit harder to get a connection, with the end goal of taking her home just to have some fun. Tonight, no. H to rescue, one can say.

 

So as a woman who has been on the other end of this, I have to say that I hope you would have made it clear if you got her back to your place that it was for "fun" and not because you "liked her" ... because I've had too many guys talk me in to going back "for coffee" or whatever, then try to make their moves, and figure out later (no matter what the outcome) that they had no interest in ME ... just getting INTO me. And that just plain sucked. I'm all for "fun" (in whatever form that turns out to be) as long as both parties are on the same page...though I will also tell you that many girls believe that "fun" may turn into something else if they give up the goods too. (Been that girl a long time ago :( )

 

I still hope to eventually end up with someone I consider pretty/beautiful, but when I am out in a bar or rowsing Match.com I always think, "nah, she's really pretty and probably won't be ok with H". I wish I didn't think that way, but I do. Maybe that will change with time. Before I would not allow myself to be held back like that.

 

We ALL would like to get out "Perfect 10" (whatever that may look like to us). The difference for you now is that you will be almost forced to find the girl who may be significantly prettier in the inside than she is on the outside. Or you *may* get lucky and hit the jackpot with a girl with a "10" personality/heart AND looks. And if you "get tired" of that girl, perhaps you have some other things to look at. I've learned to look at myself and ask myself what *my* part was in every "failed" relationship (whether it be a few weeks or years) and every time I saw something in myself that I wanted to make better so I could be a better partner in the future....

 

I think that your little H friend is forcing you to see relationships differently and, like a GOOD friend (who will always tell you what you need to hear, even if they know it may upset you), sometimes the message you are being given isn't the one you WANT to get, but it's the one you NEED to get. Be patient with the process. Every date can teach you something if you go into it with an inquiring mind rather than the expectation that you might, at the very least, get lucky. AND, you may well get lucky anyway!

 

I get the feeling that you are right on the edge of some major growth... which means you may go through some REALLY uncomfortable times. Ride it out. That "Perfect 10" is out there waiting for you to be ready for her when she comes along... ;)

 

(((HUGS)))

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