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A week ago, I ordered myself a battery of STD tests, just for the sake screening. I've never had any symptoms of anything, and elected to test for HSV 1 and 2 just to be extra thorough. I tested on Tuesday, and got my results back yesterday afternoon.


I'd been reading about herpes(and other stds) all week while agonizing over my possible results and their implications. The world stood still around me once I read that either strain can be carried/transmitted both orally and/or genitally with or without symptoms, and that despite everything I'd ever heard growing up, cold sores are caused by the EXACT same virus that causes the highly stigmatized genital herpes outbreaks. My ex-husband, the man I'd been intimate with for nearly 8 years, had gotten cold sores all his life, and when we met at 14, I asked him if he could pass anything to me, and he told me no, because that was his understanding of his condition based on information from his DOCTOR!


Now, a divorce and around 20 partners later, I just tested positive for HSV-1. I've never had an outbreak, so I don't and might never know where I carry the disease. I know that I've unwittingly exposed all of those men to my condition. I feel stupid for being misinformed this entire time. I feel enraged at my ex for not understanding his condition and even now, choosing to treat it as a non-issue with minimal risk, because the outdated information is more convenient for him to live with. I feel alone and hopeless and untouchable, not to mention unlovable and unworthy. Since I don't know where it is, I feel obligated to disclose this with anyone who I even want to kiss. I had just finally gotten myself to a place where I felt worthy of love and happiness after the fallout of my failed marriage, and to a point where I had a positive, healthy outlook on dating. I've just made it through my second month off antidepressants for the first time in 3 years. But now this news has plummeted me so far back into a pit hopelessness and despair that I truly doubt I can even find the strength to fight through yet another, and certainly the bleakest struggle of my life.


I am 22 and now I can't even imagine making it to 23, let alone ever finding a partner to spend my life and raise a family with. How do I process this and attempt to move forward?

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If you have no ob the risk is minimal and even wih the occasional ob the risk is still minimal.


If u have it genitally and u have no ob then odds are u wont pass it on. There hasn't been a confirmed genital to genital transmission I don't think bc it sheds very little from genitals.


If you have it orally yes u can pass it on but so can 80% of the population.


Likely 80% of ur 20 partners also carried the virus. It is really almost impossible to avoid. And too hard to say how you got it. It could be anyone.


Take a deep breath, if u are asymptomatic that is a major win.



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Hello and Welcome!


This is a classic example of the saying " A little learning is a dangerous thing".


Yes, HSV1 *can* be oral or genital . But the odds are FAR higher that you have it orally and that YOU HAD IT ALL ALONG even before you met your hubby. 60% of young people have HSV1 orally by the time they are young adults. I got it at the age of 4 likely from another kid in Nursery School. Until relatively recently it was *believed* that you couldn't pass HSV1 to the genitals and that you couldn't pass HSV1 without an outbreak....So to be "enraged" at your ex isn't being fair to him. He was only going on what HE was told according to what was believed by the majority of the medical profession at the time.


The "good" news is that you know that you need to stay body aware so that if you have any sores on your mouth (like cracks on the corners of your mouth) that you won't want to give oral *just in case* that is your symptom. And you can *educate* future partners of the minor risk that you can pass it on AND that they likely have it too (because 80% of the population has Oral HSV1) and/or they have been/will be exposed to it by 80% of the people they have been/will be with.


And to be honest, *if* you have it genitally, the odds of passing it on are much slimmer as it sheds about 1/3rd as much there as it does orally ... and the *current* thinking of the experts is that H1 rarely if ever passes on from the genitals.


So how to process this? Read as much as you can here. Get FULLY informed and realize that HSV1 orally (which is what *I* would assume you have) is so damn common. That your life is FAR from over. That a life well lived ASSUMES that there will be some things that you do that assume a risk of injury or even death... every time you get in a car you risk getting hurt/killed (or hurt/kill another) but you do it anyway, right???? So why would you let this virus suddenly stop you from finding love and having a family and doing whatever you want in life? I'm 53, I got Genital H2 at 17 (to add to having H1 orally) and I've had a great life with only a few speed bumps along the way. I have 2 beautiful daughters, I've had a 20 yr marriage and 2 post divorce relationships with H- men. I'm currently being hotly woo'd and pursued by a man who knew my status from day 1 (I have my status in all my dating profiles). He researched it and feels that getting to know me trumps the risk and trusts me to do what I can to protect him. How beautiful is that?


Check out this discussion with a link to a blog by a young girl who is showing that you don't have to buy into the stigma WHEREVER you carry it 🙂










Handouts + disclosure e-book:



Herpes facts video


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Thank you so much for that! I knew all of what you had said about H, but still felt like it was an enormous responsibility now that I know my status. I was especially freaked out because I don't know where it is, not because one area is worse that the other, but because I wasn't sure how best to protect others.


I have actually come to terms with it, and realized that this is just a reason to be more aware and cautious with any future partners and a reason to move more slowly with men. I've decided to just keep the physical side of potential relationships at a minimum until that person agrees to get fully tested for everything (including H). Then I'm going to take it from there, but at least there will be a way into the conversation and then even if their results come up clear, they will have experienced the anxiety waiting and wondering and hopefully realized that they could have had anything and just been in the dark about it.

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