Another Happy Disclosure Story

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Just had to share because I have actually have another successful disclosure story to share! I was on eHarmony and after more than one failed disclosure, I decided to put it out there before we met. I just couldn't bear "The Look" one more time. So, on eHarmony you go through a series of questions that you choose from a list and share back and forth and the last set you can pick your own, so I asked if herpes was a dealbreaker. I figured what the heck, get it out there. If it is, well then, "moving on". So anyway, I was talking with one fellow, Ron, and I asked him that question. He answered he wasn't sure. Fair enough. Anyway, we never actually discussed it once we started actually emailing or talking but we have been on three dates and last night things were progressing in the direction of something wonderful sooooo I said before we continued, we needed to discuss something. I wasn't sure if he actually took in the comment about herpes as some people can miss things, but he didn't. I said I had herpes and asked how much he knew about it. He said a little bit as he had done some reading about it. I was impressed. He did do his due diligence and he was still sitting on my couch for a third date! I gave him a bit of the facts and explained that herpes 2 is a common virus and about 25% of the population has it but only 20% know. I told him where I had it and that I had never, to my knowledge, transmitted to anyone but it was a risk he needed to be aware of. I said the transmission rate was between 1 and 4% and that, like coldsores, it was passed on from skin to skin contact. I said I was on Valtrex and I am very careful and that during OBs we just need to get creative and have some fun, which he was all for! :)

 

So, there ARE people who can see past a virus. :) Who knows where this will ultimately lead, if anywhere, but it is so nice to be seen as a person and not as a virus.

[Atlantic]

I am pleased with the number of happy disclosure stories lately! And WD, you have had a few of them. This is great. That was an interesting approach with the "open ended question" on Eharmony, and maybe I shall keep that in my pocket if I return to EH again in the future. Right now, I discontinued EH and am communicating and dating a few matches that I had gotten to Open Communication with. I am communicating with a guy who is long-distance to me . If we end up planning to meet, I am going to have to have the disclosure in advance. This is inspiring, so thanks again WD! :) :) :)

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Thanks Atlantic. It's nice to have a good disclosure with someone who is available physically and emotionally, is local, can actually spend time with me (and wants to!) and whom I connect with and feel so comfortable with. And someone I don't have to save or rescue but someone who can actually give and take and I feel like we come to the table with something to offer each other. That is a very new, weird but wonderful concept for me. That was an issue pre-herpes and to see the healing and growth in other parts of my life from having herpes is amazing. Maybe God really does have a few things figured out. LOL

[lively]

Good for you Brenda! In reading your posts over the past months, you have come so far in your journey. When you consider not only a healthy response to your disclosure, but also the upgrade in quality of men you are attracting, it's a big learning and healing curve. Thankyou for sharing so fully, it's so encouraging for the new arrivals, as we all were not so long ago.

best wishes for the unfolding of the new situation x

[dimples88]

I decided to go on a dating site for hsv peeps.

[dimples88]

:-) thanks for your story whoopsidaysi

[lelani]

Hey Brenda!! I'm so happy for you!!!! I love it that we have both been going down this path at the same time and now both have met someone. It's a whole new weird feeling for me too to have someone where it's not all about them and who I can connect with equally. I'm just going to go with it and enjoy the connection, like you I don't know where it will lead but its lovely. xx

 

Go dimples...yes don't limit yourself to an H+ site - there ARE people who look past this virus. I was one of them and I contracted it but it is making me more discerning about who I get intimate with. It's making me take things slower and look for the sweetness and tenderness in a connection with someone.

 

I has taken me eight years to find someone this special and only 18 months of those were with H ( I wasn't ready, then I liked my independence, couldn't find someone I liked enough - it's not only H that influences being on your own).

 

Like Brenda I have just met someone special who accepts my H. We haven't had sex yet so that will be the next step...but he wants to take it.

 

Online dating helps you suss someone out first and yes if you want to disclose that way to anyone its a good way to practice! Good luck and have fun!! xx

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Hey Dimples,

 

Good for you! Don't limit yourself or think you need to "settle". This virus is just a bump in the road. If you had diabetes or some other health condition, would you think you deserved less in a relationship? Of course not. This is so minor in the big picture, but it's a great test to see whether someone is worthy of us. Never lose your vision of who you are and what you deserve. It is so easy to use herpes as an excuse or a crutch, but really, it's a test. It can be the best thing that ever happened to you, it all depends on your attitude and what you decide. I am glad I was able to inspire you. It has been freeing to just put it out there and see what happens. I was actually surprised by how many positive reactions I received. Maybe it was my change in attitude?? :) My change in how I saw myself with herpes? I think there is definitely something to that.

 

Lelani, I am SO happy for you and so happy we are able to share this journey together. I look forward to hearing how your new love progresses and you are such an inspiration to me and many others on here. You are such a beautiful, talented, loving and amazing person I am so happy that you were able to allow someone into your life who can see that and appreciates what an incredible gift you are. :) Please keep us posted on how things go. And yes, I'd love to be a bridesmaid. LOL :)

 

Love you both. Have an awesome week and let us know how it goes dimples. :)

 

Brenda xo