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Unhelpful and negative response from doctor

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Hi everyone,


I've been thinking about the stigma etc attached to a diagnosis of herpes, and I was wondering what everyone's experiences with medical professionals have been? I received a very negative response from my doctor, who has been my GP since I was a small child. I took the news badly, as is to be expected, but his response amplified mine. He spoke down to me and with distaste. He told me it was an incurable disease that I'd have for the rest of my life, and that I needed to get separate towels etc and be extremely careful not to pass it to my family. He told me to get tested for all other STIs as it was likely I'd got more than the one. He was entirely unsympathetic throughout the entire consult, and I took it as my comeuppance I suppose! It is only since coming to terms with it, and realising that I am still a human with worth, that I have really considered how entirely inappropriate his treatment of me was. I'm young and I behaved irresponsibly, and now I have to live with the consequences of my actions, but that should not include the judgement of a 'professional' who is supposed to be there to help me. I was wondering if anybody else has received treatment like this, or if I was unlucky? I'm hoping this isn't widespread in the medical community, and that anybody who may have been treated like I was realises that they're worth more than that.


Opinions welcome!


R xx

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Hi @robyn_ I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with your doctor :( you certainly do deserve to be treated much better than that! I went to a bulk bill doc to get a repeat script of my valtrex (im at uni so couldn't afford to go to my normal doctor which costs $70 a pop haha) and this guy printed out all of this info about herpes and just tapped his finger on the page where it said to always use protection and that it can be passed on at anytime. I said (in tears) that I was aware of all of this already and his reply was 'that's what you get when you sleep around' I was was so upset and humiliated especially considering I got this because my partner was the one sleeping around not me - I've slept with a really small number of people! I hope you can find another doctor who has a bit more empathy :)

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Oh my god I am so angry reading this!!! How unbelievably unprofessional and cruel! I am sorry you both had to experience this - but do not listen to those asshats! You do not deserve that kind of treatment. I don't care if you slept with 1 person or 100 people. Clearly these doctors are uneducated about the issue. I would change doctors immediately (if you can).

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@Robyn_ sorry the Doctor acted that way, so unprofessional. At the end of the day, I put it down to them being humans too, yes they should know better but they can be just as ignorant or uneducated about things as anyone plus he/ she might have hang ups about sex.


Don't let it get you down. There are plenty of understanding docs to make up for ones like this plus I think the GUM clinic docs are more up on H than GPs so might be good up have a wee chat with them.


Stay strong and defo ask for a different doc next time xx



@Danaaaaaasaur, I'm so sorry about the way your doc spoke to you also! What an ignorant @ss!! Grrrrr! Hang in there xx

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that is absolutely infuriating. what a horrible doctor. my primary care was very nice to me, I essentially sobbed while she comforted me and told me that she has had cold sores her whole life and that her husband has never gotten them etc. She was great and I wish that everyone could have an experience like mine....but thank god for this site to tell you how wrong your doctors were though!

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I remember being in the exam room with my gp dr. I had said something to her. Her response, this is why you should use condoms. I looked up at her and said, I did use a condom.


Again something similar but this time with a good friend. She said, you got to use condoms. Again my response, I did. Oh, her was her reaction. So then I had to explain.


The next time someone says the condom thing to me, my response will be, "obviously you don't know much about the skin condition to say such a rude comment."


My luck I'll forget the statement. Lol

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I agree with some of the former comments - I would go and confront the Dr and explain to them that it's not their place to judge and that MANY people get H while in monogamous relationships ... and those that get it from "sleeping around" (whatever your definition of that is, because it varies between people) often were misinformed about condoms and how it's passed on (esp those who get it from oral sex). And then I'd tell them that I'm switching Dr's ... and can I get copies of all my records forwarded to me ASAP.


Sadly it's not uncommon for Dr's to give really BAD advice about H ... never mind to judge their patients for getting it. :(


One thing I tell people is to not go to a GP for anything to do with the genitals. For women, go to an OBGYN ... they are the "Vagina's R Us" of the medical world so they will be a LOT better informed. Planned Parenthood is a good option for the guys or if you don't have an OBGYN ... GP's just plain are not specialists and should only be used for colds, vaccines, and cuts and scrapes IMO ;)



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It's really upsetting that these Doctors couldn't act professionally, despite their own opinions or the fact that they've been misinformed. When I worked at a vets, the first thing we were taught was that we absolutely could not pass judgement, regardless of how wrong/right we may believe the owner's treatment of their pet to be. You'd think the same would apply to our own health professionals! My doctor made out like I was so contagious that the only sensible thing I could do (now that I was damaged goods) would be to avoid ALL direct AND indirect contact with others, so as not to make them untouchables too!


And unfortunately due to the severity of my outbreak, the GP was the furthest distance I could travel, but in the future I certainly won't be going back there! And being promiscuous WAS the cause in my case, though there was only one person with whom I didn't use a condom; but again, that's not the point. I think that was one of my Doctors main concerns actually, he seemed to forget that its 2015 and that women are allowed a sexuality too now.


Am both disheartened and comforted by your responses! Its a shame to know there are others that have been treated this way, but also its nice to know I'm not alone.




R xx

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My doctor was the total opposite. No judgement, plenty of facts, she was clearly over the stigma and was one of the first to let me know it happens and it's more common that you think. My first doctor was very uninformed and said if you don't have sores you're fine. I guess it's hit or miss

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