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How do you learn to live with this?

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I was diagnosed with h a couple days ago and wish I could rush through the stage of feeling like it will control my life and that I am no longer the same person. Both the guy I was with and I said we were both clean, then a couple days later we both experienced our first ob. With us not even knowing who infected who or if we both were carries and just never had symptoms, we can't even go through the anger stage. Its just straight to feeling ashamed, dirty, undesirable, and like my life has changed for the worst. I have been telling myself that after the pain of this first ob is gone I will be more emotionally stable and will be able to process things more clearly. The pain I have is unbearable, I've tried sits baths with Epsom salt and some with baking soda (trying anything that sounds legit when I read it) and that helps temporarily but as soon as I move out of the water the pain is back, it has not decreased at all in the past week. Being as I also have an autoimmune disease, I can only assume how much longer than normal this will take to heal. Peeing hurts (even while soaking), walking hurts, sitting hurts, laying hurts, pants hurt, no pants hurt. There has to be some way to be at least semi comfortable isn't there? I am not one to usually be melodramatic but this has my emotional going in all sorts of circles. I wish the pain would stop and I wish the whole thing would just go away. I don't even want to think about trying to have a relationship in the future at this point because I know the types of negative thoughts that will go along with that. I want to learn to ease the pain and start accepting this change and learn how to live with it..but I'm not sure how to go about doing any of those...please give any advice you may have!! :(

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Sorry you are suffering a tough first OB ... I will post links below with all kinds of suggestions ... with the Epsom Salts, I'd suggest you sit int he tub first and then dump the salts between your legs so they are concentrated there.... we have lots of suggestions in the links but I would look into talking to your OBGYN (Don't go to a GP - they are not usually well informed) and see if they can give you lidocain for the pain... then try the other things listed... some people do well with Coconut oil, some with lemon balm, I prefer Alum.... you will have to find what works for you... and you may want to discuss anti-virals with the GYN... they shouldn't affect your autoimmune issues as they are virus-specific.


And yes, you CAN get to a place of acceptance. Just remember you may live about 4000 weeks, and so a few months in that time of healing and learning acceptance is s drop in the bucket really ;) I've had H 35+ years and I've had a great life. Read the Success Stories section... you will see we have MANY discordant couples on there :)





http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below






Links to some of the items suggested in the links

http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum


http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil

http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil






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Thank you both! I've been doing research since I was diagnosed with it, I guess the stigma I put with it will be half my battle in learning to live with it. I'm hoping as soon as I am done with the physical pain from my first OB I can starting dealing with the emotional and mental part of it and come to terms with it. "You are not the disease, you just have the disease"

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I'm 100% "out" and I can tell you, you can "teach" people how to treat you with Herpes. If you are confident and frank about it, people will (at least mostly...I'm sure there will be some haters, but f*ck 'em...LOL) treat you with respect and decency. That's been my experience and from what I'm seeing with the 4 or 5 others I can think of right now who I know are out, I'm not alone in this experience with "coming out". Not that you need to be that open ... but if/when you disclose to someone, just know that if YOU really get it that you are not the disease, they will get that too :)

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