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I really like you.... I've been blessed with herpes.

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I was infected with herpes 2years ago and have only had 2 outbreaks. I take L-Lysine every day as a preventive measure, but ofcourse keep Valacyclovir onhand if I feel an outbreak could be coming on. Last night I had the disclosure talk for only the 2nd time (sooner than I thought as I havn't yet met the man, but the discussion was open). It was very upsetting for me, and for him. He took some time to think about it, and said he would still like to meet. As of today I still havn't heard from him. I am sure that maybe he needs more time to digest, but my instincts are telling me that the book has been closed. At this time I am feeling embarrassed, and I guess somewhat soiled ( by having herpes ), and how that presents to a 'healthy' person.

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Your situation sounds similar to mine. I wondered how long you have been communicating with this man, and how serious things seemed, before the talk occurred? Was there a reason why you had not met in person (long distance)? I am curious as to your state of affairs, and level of connection, with this guy. It seems to me that many people have the talk too soon, before the person knows enough about you to visualize you as a whole individual rather than a stigmatized skin condition on your lady parts.


I am also in communication with a man I have met online via Eharmony, long distance ( adjacent state), and things are pretty intense (phone calls, exchanging videos and pics, nonstop texting) to the point where we're going to be Skyping soon, probably this week. We have a great deal in common and I had not felt myself connecting with anyone online like this before. If we still connect after Skype, I know the discussion will have to happen shortly because it's likely a visit will be forthcoming. I am meditating on and carefully planning the words I'll use (gosh, to the point I was rehearsing the talk in my head as I walked the aisles at Target). I think it is especially hard when you have not met the person. Certainly, if we were in the same town, I'd be disclosing in person.


I can commiserate with you and empathize. I know this sucks, and if this man does not follow up, please know that someone else will be able to accept all of you. In the words of a Coldplay lyric... if you never try, then you'll never know...

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Life change,


I'm sorry to hear about that. I just wanted to send some love and support. Atlantic is right.. if you never try, then you'll never know.

I've had the disclosure talks a couple times, and I know I made it way harder than it needed to be. I was freaked out; therefore the other person was freaked out.

I've got some work to do there.


I don't know exactly how your conversation went, but I want to make sure you don't make it mean anything if indeed that book is closed. I understand the frustration and am not trying to disclose it, but like Atlantic said.. there is someone out there who will be accepting of all of you.


Lots of love,



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I'm sorry that you had to experience that. It's never easy to be left hanging, not really knowing, and instead having an imagination that takes off on what was, and perhaps also on what could have been.


You should find strength in that the path you have chosen with disclosure is one of integrity. That integrity is something that will serve you well. Disclosures get easier with time, and perspective. There is wealth of positive information on this site.


As has already been pointed out you won't know unless you try. Putting yourself out there, while difficult, can also be freeing. When we become more accepting of ourselves it allows others the chance to accept us as well. H can sometimes be a filter for us, because if something as small as that causes them to run, what else would have shaken them? I want someone whose strength of character, and ability to be caring and understanding is at least as good as mine. H sometimes helps me identify them.


:) CBK

Always be positive

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H can sometimes be a filter for us, because if something as small as that causes them to run, what else would have shaken them? I want someone whose strength of character, and ability to be caring and understanding is at least as good as mine. H sometimes helps me identify them.


Thank you, CBK. I needed that this morning. Way to start off my day (I have a feeling my disclosure is around the corner).

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Hi Atlantic, Cedar and CBK....

Thanks for your notes..Atlantic- my disclosure came up first phone call because he told me that a woman had tried to seduce him and admitted to having herpes. He had known her for quite sometime, and told me he was so very glad he didn't sleep with her. Ergo, I said, well, I guess we won't bother meeting as I have herpes. Well- I did hear back from him, we have been communicating and he says he cares about meand says very supportive things. But, I have seen him on the dating site and assume he is looking for someone 'healthy'. Not that I blame him. He had told me that he cares, and doesn't want to share me- but, I wouldn't want to share him either. Anyway, this has been alot of talk on the phone and a took me out once relationship, so I think I am going to have to close the book myself. Now that I have read back on this, it sounds so highschool....I am too old and like myself too much for that.

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Lifechange, I think you're smart to move on and forget this guy. To me, this guy seems "off" to mention that other woman in the first phone call. Although normally I don't think it's advantageous to disclose so soon, he opened Pandora's box for you and at least you did not waste any more time in getting to know him and then probably experiencing a rejection. It seems like he was predisposed to reject H, and seems drama-oriented to me.

Hold your head up and move on with confidence.


As for me, I'll be disclosing soon, I think. Not sure where my situation is headed because it's long distance, and could possibly become more long distance depending on my possible relocation. But I really like this man, and am starting to feel comfortable with him and I also want to test myself with this disclosure.

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All the best to you with your disclosure! I sure hope you get a positive result. I am still figuring out timing on disclosure myself. I actually introduced myself to someone online and admitted it right off the bat. He replied with a 'poor you', and that was that so to speak. I have some finessing to work on, but I sure as hell don't want to do what was done to me!

Keep me posted, ok?!

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