how to feel normal again?

[lostgirlx]

I was diagnosed a year ago and I feel a lot better and more accepting now then I did. But I feel like when I tell people they judge me and look down on me and its so embarrasing. I miss how things were before I got it. Because I got in the first relationship since being diagnosed and when I told him he said it didnt bother him but I know it does because hes scared to have sex, like the first time he only put the tip in, im sorry if thats too much information. And the second time he asked for a bj first so it didnt last long and right after he started talking about it. It didnt feel right. I aIready explained everything and im doing everything i can. I take acyclovir daily. just dont want it to be a problem i want to feel normal like I dont have it. I feel like people will even think im gross or im scared they will compare me to a girl who doesnt have it. Also, im joining the military and I told my recruiter, and im not sure if this is why but he was suppose to meet up with me and he flaked and never messaged me. And I feel really weird and embarrassed that he knows my secret. Does nnyone have any advice? Thank you.

[MMissouri]

This could be two things, either you are projecting your feelings onto others (seeing what you expect to see or thinking their responses are because of the virus when it could be something else) or the people you are telling are just uneducated/idiots..lol

 

As for the recruiter, surely he has heard worse than that! I would try setting up another meeting and if he falls through see what you can do. I know having H doesn't keep you from joining the military.

 

How much does your boyfriend know about it? I would worry if he didn't ask any questions or want to talk about it. His timing could be better but he is taking a risk and he probably needs to reassure himself. I would try educating him as much as possible and see what happens.

 

How do you tell people? Are you confident or do you act as if you have a dirty secret? Sometimes that matters also. I'm sure someone will pop up with a better response to this soon. Hang in there.

[ihaveittoo]

Hello @lostgirlx,

 

This is a link to @WCSDancer2010's blog http://supporttruthanddialog.com/. It is worth a read if you haven't read it already. It has lots of good info and tips about living with herpes.

 

I got herpes while in the military back in the 80's. So as you know it is not a disqualifier as far as medical conditions go. As far as the recruiter goes, remember, he has alot of recruits and prospective recruits to deal with. You may have just got lost in the shuffle and the herpes disclosure had nothing to do with it. After I got out of boot camp I got an extra 10 days at home by becoming an assistant to my recruiter. I helped him with his paperwork and talking with guys interested in joining. Its a very busy job believe me.

 

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@lostgirlx

 

Hello and Welcome!

 

I agree with @MMissouri .... you could be projecting your fear/upset about the virus to others....or they could be people you really don't want around you.... Herpes makes a great Wingman ... it will help you to see who the REAL friends/people are in your life...

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5897/my-first-disclosure-story#latest Wingman example

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3309/successful-herpes-disclosure-but-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think (Herpes Wingman example Mazedaze818 )

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6347/my-disclosure-story 2 very different reactions … but both are “successful” in their own ways :)

 

As for your BF - yes, some partners just can't get over the worry of getting it, but that's often because they have not had a talk with someone who can give them some solid advice/reality check about the risk of getting a STD

 

http://supporttruthanddialog.com/driving-yourself-crazy/

 

And you just need to make another appointment with a recruiter ... Herpes is not an issue for the Armed Forces unless it's so bad you can't do your duties ,... and you seem to have it under control so that should be fine :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial