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I am scared and upset :(

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Hi, I am 48 years and married for 10 years now and no children. recently for the first time I had an STD test done and was told by my Gynae that I had HSV 1 Oral (88.1) and that my body have the antibody against it. I am shocked and upset and wondering from where I got it and who gave it to me. it totally change my life since then I am scared to kiss my husband, when I was cooking I make sure to clean the spoon every time I tasted the food and told my husband not to share drinks or eat from my food though we been sharing this for a long time since we are married! I am afraid that I gave my husband the herpes and I would be so guilty for it. Told my husband to get himself an STD test too since we both didnt do the test before we married each other and I told him he could have it long before me but he didnt know it just like myself. I didnt have any symptom of it that is why I was shocked when I learn about it. The doctor told me I am ok and not to worry since I didnt have HSV 2 (genital) and it is safe to have intercourse and she didnt give me any medicine but when I read on the internet I found out that HSV 1 could give your partner Herpes too from kissing and oral sex. I am so confused and dont know what the right thing to do. wondering if it is ok to touch my lips and how do I know I have the shedding since I dont have the sympton of it.... Need help and guide especially from people who have the same case like me to continue living normal life like I used to be and not afraid to do what I want to my husband. Thanks. lulu.

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Hi @lulu67, first of all, welcome, and sorry to hear you are having a hard time with everything. The first thing you should know is that almost everyone has HSV-1 oral, i think it's something like over 80% of people... it's soooooo common. And chances are that your husband has it too. Whether you had it first or he had it first or you both had it going into the marriage will be irrelevant at this point. It's just an inconvenient skin condition, and obviously it has not really affected your life in any way, as you would have been none the wiser if you never had those tests done. Here's what you need to know, 1- almost everyone has it. 2- hsv-1 can be transmitted through kissing and oral sex, you can have HSV-1 genitally... this normally happens when there is an active outbreak, but can happen through something called viral shedding, which is when the virus is active but you don't have any visible sores. Best thing to do is just avoid kissing and oral sex when you feel any sore coming on, or if you're body is tired or your immune is compromised. 3- if your husband already has it, you really have nothing to worry about. that means you both have the antibodies to fight the virus. If he doesn't, then just be aware of point 2. Also, if he doesn't and you've gone 10 years without giving it to him, and that's totally possible, then it just shows how non-threatening this really is, and even more so when you are aware that you have it.


Btw, you won't know when you are shedding, and it's totally ok to touch your lips... just keep living as you were living. And consider yourself lucky... a lot of people get really bad outbreaks and sores on a regular basis. If you are one of the asymptomatic ones, then this is really a gift.


In the grand scheme of life, this is really not a major deal, but i understand that the initial shock can be alarming and concerning. Hope this helps a little.

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Hi @PositivelyBeautiful, thank you for your long explanation since it totally make me scared after learning I had it especially like I said I dont have any symptom on me and I am grateful to God for it and do I need to take medicine even though I dont have any symptom of sores or outbreaks? thanks again and have great day!

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hi @lulu67, definitely not. There is no need for medication unless you have frequent outbreaks, or if you really feel the need to protect your husband, if he is negative. regardless, for HSV-1 oral, it' very very rare to be on suppressive medication.... it's just not necessary, and far too common. If you do get a sore, you can treat it with one dose of medication or over the counter creams. And I would highly suspect that your husband has it too... so try to not dwell on this too much. The initial shock can be hard, go easy on yourself. As time goes on, you'll see there is really nothing to it and nothing to worry about.

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sorry to ask you another question. can HSV 1 cause you to cough when it is inside the mouth or the throat? since I am now coughing and I felt like there are something on my throat. I am grateful to this site and people like you who came around to help others especially for people like me who never knew we had it and who had it for the first time in their life since the doctor didnt really give us good explanation what are the dos and donts when you have HSV. Kudos to all of you for all your help and may God bless you all. thank you again and hugs from me.

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Hi @lulu67, no it wouldn't cause you to cough... it would typically present itself as skin lesions on the exterior of your mouth, around your lips, but the virus can weaken your immune system, and that might lead to other vulnerabilities... like a cough or cold, and vice versa. When you are feeling tired, or you feel a flu or something coming on, you're immune system is likely weakened and then you would be more susceptible to getting a sore. Some people experience tingling, burning or itching a a specific spot around the mouth (exterior) before a sore comes out. But some people, much like yourself, never get any symptoms. So it generally shouldn't affect your life at all.

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If you DO have it, you likely got it as a kid or young adult. 60% of kids have oral HSV1 by the time they are young adults. I got it at age 4.


One last thing. *Technically* the Dr can't tell WHERE you have HSV1 with the test... so she was assuming you were with the majority of the population that has it orally. So it's *Possible* that you *could* have it genitally, but then the odds would be you could have got it from your hubby as again, the odds are he has it orally (like the 80% of the population that has it already).


Point being ... *if* you have it, you and your hubby have been together 10 yrs and he hasn't had any signs of getting it from you by now, so odds are he won't. I have a client who got her first HSV2 outbreak after 30 years of marriage and her hubby never got it from her in all that time. And odds are your hubby has HSV1 anyway. So don't sweat it.


And don't worry about the family. Unless you feel something that may be a sore coming on the outside of your lip (mine tingles for a day or so first), odds are they are safe and kids are FAR more likely to get it from other kids. I raised 2 daughters before all the scary shit was all over the internet and they never got it from me, and I have a 4 yr old granddaughter and I love on her all the time... I'm just careful if I think there's anything going on that may be signaling an OB ... and then I side kiss her or hug her more and don't share utensils for a few days :)


I have to say, I'm pissed that your Dr didn't explain all this to you ... and THIS is why the CDC doesn't like anyone without symptoms to get tested... because the mental anguish is far worse than the reality .... especially for people in your situation where you have been married for so long....



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@WCSDancer2010, Thank you for the long explanation. This is something new to me. My test for HSV 1 (lgG) is 88.1 and my HSV 2 (lgG) 12.3 which is negative and she told me my HSV 1, I could get it when I was a child or from kissing or sharing utensil with somebody that has it. I guess I am like all of you here who were careful but we didnt know we still got it! I am ok now and accepting this with open heart and now I do more reading here and also on the links that you have posted on your comments to help others and also I read the dos and donts you have on your blog which is very helpful and other forum buddy that gave me some tips or advise when I will have the symptom or shedding since I dont know when I will have it :) so far my husband is ok and I told him to get tested too. if a man have a breakout on his genital, how does it looks, does it has cuts or just rashes coz lately my husband has some sort of red rashes on his penis but I saw nothing like breakouts around his penis or thighs or groin. I saw photos when I Google up, it was really scary none of them looks like what he is having now and even the oral herpes is really scary (O_O;) it is ok to share utensil when you dont have breakout and have intercourse too? but what if you dont have any symptom how do you know you are not shedding and you might share kisses or utensil at that time? tips that I got from H buddy here is that I will know when I have OB on my mouth whenever I feel tingling, burning or pulsating around my mouth and I read whenever I have severe headache is also a sign of OB. I am still learning and will post questions from time to time on this forum. Thank you again and hope you will have a great day!


(^ ‿ ^)∗ε ゚`) cheek kiss

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#1 rule of Herpes: STAY OFF GOOGLE! The images are not representative of the experience of the majority of people with herpes ... people tend to click on the most outrageous and scary photos first and then those rise to the top of the rankings when people look for info.


The fact is that, like you, 80% of people never even have an OB. The other 20% may have one OB that is very mild and they never have another .... or they may have regular OB's ... and a tiny percentage will have a really hard time getting it to a place where the body gains control.


As for what they look like.... again, there's no one typical OB ... but they can present as blisters, "papercuts" rashes, and some have tingling/swelling of lymph glands, some have no sensory symptoms. So yes, it's *possible* that his "rash* is herpes, or it may be a reaction to something he's coming in contact with.


The tingling/pulsing/burning is a good sign... headache??? Well, in absence of a real OB, I'm not sure about that one... many, many things cause headaches.


So, here's my advice. Get him tested. Odds are VERY high that he has it too (80%). If he has it, you have absolutely no reason to change anything at this point because you both already carry it. If he doesn't have it, I still really wouldn't change much. Just be more aware of sensations that you might have around your mouth and if in doubt, be more careful during that time. For those of us with Herpes, OB's are an excuse to find other ways to be intimate, so perhaps you can start to look at other ways to get yer freak on anyway :) .... but the bottom line is you have gone for 10 yrs as a couple without knowing that at least one of you had it... and if you haven't passed it to him by now, odds are pretty low that you will... and with the numbers that you have (<1.1) I really wouldn't declare that to be a positive result anyway... and if you do have it, I'd guess you got it as a kid and it's currently in a really dormant state.


So, take good care of your health and immune system... because that is what allows for those who are asymptomatic to have their first breakthrough OB .... some big stressor comes into their life and the virus comes back out. This is a great time to take stock of your health and wellbeing.... and otherwise, just get on with life and try not to let this to get into your head too much. You've done some great homework, got some great advice. Love that husband of yours and don't let the virus get between you :)

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Hhoe does a 12.3 IgG mean negative? That is positive and I'm going to assume that was meant to be 1.23 and that is a positive test result, which can be pulled from the testing sites to show you the values used for testing negative or positive.. Maybe I missed something here, but I'm confused now.

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Actually, yes, @lulu67 ... can you clarify which test was used and the values again? I'm thinking by those numbers that either your Dr used something other than the Elissa test or you put the period in the wrong place ... those numbers do seem quite off from anything I've seen here....


I should have spotted that but I've been trying to catch up on a lot of stuff in the last few days and that one slipped through my radar :p


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@WCSDancer2010, my blood test result as follows:


Result Flag Reference Range


Herpes Simplex Virus Type 1 lgC 88.1 u/ml ( { 16 : Negative)

( 16-20 : Equivocal)

( } 20 : Positive)



Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2 lgC 12.3 u/ml Reference range

same as above



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Ahhhhhh - that explains the numbers ... ok, so are you in the USA now? If so, I'd suggest getting blood tested here because that will tell us a lot... you see, you have no symptoms and the blood tests often show a false positive in asymptomatic people ... with the Elissa test, if you are under 3.5 then we suggest you get a Western Blot test to confirm... if you are back in the USA I;ll give you info for re-testing...


If not, everything is still the same and as we said, the fact he hasn't got it or at least hasn't shown symptoms means you likely are just fine and only need to be a *little* more body aware :)

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@WCSDancer2010, I am not living in USA now but in Europe at the moment. I am thinking of taking another test but will wait because this all still new and shocking not only to me but to my husband. I talked to my doctor in Malaysia and she will checked with the lab what type of test they did for the blood test and will know by Friday. will update you. thanks and take care.

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@WCSDancer2010, got an email today from my doctor in Malaysia and confirming the blood test done is Elissa. So like I said I will wait and will do second test soon. I am grateful for your help and info. Take care and keep in touch here ;)

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